Pockets of faithfulness

Lately God's been teaching me about his faithfulness. Honestly the most encouraging thing about scripture to me is that it's filled with promise! Through a series of events in our life God's been bringing back that scripture to my mind. I'd like to share this with you.

So I'm sure you've met our darling baby boy Nathan. If not yet maybe soon! We had to go through some testing with Nathan. He had fluid in his kidney when I was pregnant so we had to follow up after he was born. We went to the 6 week ultrasound and the fluid they found was still there. Next we had to take a VCUG. It's a test that tests where the urine flow is. They have to use a catheter and anyone who's had a catheter knows its not fun at all. I myself had one during labor. It was so bad I was bawling.

So we went to HCMC to get this test done. I had no idea what to expect but went through with it. At first it was ok Nathan even seemed to be enjoying it but then the catheter came in. We were both bawling at this point. So naturally when I was told we had to do this test again I freaked out. My past experience of this was horrid and I wasn't about to go through that again. This time however God had pockets of faithfulness waiting for me.

"Ask anything in my name and it will be done." That's what I kept hearing over the course of these weeks waiting to find out what the next step was. After I was told he had to go in again I heartfelt cried out to God. His response was the above quote. So I asked that they find nothing. He told me "I can't do anything to get you out of the test." As direct as he is to me sometimes I don't really understand what he's saying. I'm learning to give myself grace when I "miss the message" so to speak. I was expecting to find out we had to go through more with this bladder releasing fully problem (which is what HCMC was concerned with) they give it the name post urethral valves. But God had more then results waiting for me.

"All will be well." When he said this I was thinking I know it will be eventually but what about now? During this whole experience God was consistently telling me "All will be well." Again I should have understood what that meant but I didn't. What I thought he was saying was that all will be well eventually but for now I still had to deal with Nathan possibly having something wrong with him.

The greatest news I got was that there was nothing abnormal with Nathan. God was telling me that Nathan was going to be ok RIGHT NOW! I didn't have to wait He had him healed now. I cried out to God and he heard my prayers, he saw my hurting heart, he knew how much this was troubling me and he came through with his faithfulness!

What's the real lesson here? God is always faithful to what he says he will do. If we are to ask anything in his name then what we ask for (assuming it's in his will and timing) will come. God doesn't change, we do. We change when God remains faithful. We change our trust in him when we can see that he is faithful. God gives us pockets of faithfulness.

Scripture is filled with promises! What's most encouraging to me for everyday life is the pockets of faithfulness. God shows his faithfulness in little ways to me, I can't always handle the big ones. With my son having a potential health concern he was very direct but gently worded. He knew a "schooling" of all his promises wouldn't help me feel more confident through this. All I could handle at that time was him drawing on his faithfulness. I could feel he had something good in store, he always does. His direction helped me to see he was working in this circumstance and all I had to do was obey.

God also has been healing an old wound in my heart. I'm afraid of being forgotten. Through visions, dreams, and time with our family God has shown me that I will not be forgotten. When I don't get to spend time with Him he doesn't just leave my side he keeps speaking to me in different ways. I love spending time in scripture but with a close to 4 month old it becomes challenging to find "you" time. No matter what though God is faithful. And with every bit of faithfulness I trust him more. Being forgotten and anxious all the time is not God's will for me. I expected it to be but God wants so much more for me. I know that he wants more for you too!

Whether God heals me completely here from all the pain I've endured in this life or in His kingdom I know that he is faithful. Just when I think I have to figure things out and worry and expect the worst God shows up with his faithfulness. I'm still a working progress but with every pocket of faithfulness I see I trust more and can face another day. I pray that you can see pockets of faithfulness in your life if seeing all the big promises at once is overwhelming. Know that God hears your prayers, cries and pleas. My heart goes out to all those that feel hurt and broken.

I know there's many with broken homes, broken spirits and broken hearts out there tonight may recieving pockets of faithfulness lift you from your circumstance into the loving arms of Father God.

I love you
Tina Martina Putney

Just Wait for this... We've waited long enough

Have you ever heard someone say “just wait for this?” I’ve heard it over and over all my life and every time I hear those words they honestly hurt. If there’s one thing that I feel has been attacked repeatedly it’s our belief. Right off the bat in the garden of Eden Satan tempted Eve and what she believed he asked her the doubting question “did God really Say?” The result was catastrophic for mankind. Planting doubt into a person’s mind and heart is the first step to a broken story.

So all my life I’ve felt as though my beliefs were not accepted. As if somehow I was always undoubtedly wrong. I think you can understand what happens to a person who’s made to feel they’re always “off the mark” so to speak something just doesn’t make sense with what they’re thinking. Enter in a lot of anxiety and second guessing and shyness to share what your beliefs are and I became susceptible to anyone’s ideas advice and warnings. Advice is needed and very welcome when it comes with the right spirit and source. Too often I’ve experienced the destructive just wait for this. To me it’s just as heart breaking as the question Satan asked Eve. It has just as devastating an effect. Fast forward to 28 years down the line with a newborn son and husband and those wounds are still present.

Recently I had a moment of truth wash over some of the lies I’ve believed. Babysitting always terrified me, leaving my child in someone else’s care while my child is screaming is the worst I could have ever expected from our babysitting experience. Sundays Nathan goes to the nursery while we’re at church and now Thursdays we have a babysitter lined up. I can’t begin to say how relieving it is that I can drop my son off to a nursery volunteer and pick him up and hear “he did great!” It literally chokes me up to think of how much time I spent stressing over how my future child would behave when I wasn’t there to take care of them. I dreaded that experience all my life and through much praying God has been able to show me the reality of my son.

He’s never had a problem going to anyone in three months. For three months we’ve taken him to places with us had him meet all sorts of people and every time he surprises me how well he takes it. Then God tells me ”This is my answer to all the prayers you’ve prayed. “Remember when you prayed your son would know he’s loved whether you’re with him or not?” I’m literally seeing the fruits of those prayers. This has been engrained in me to worry about so it’s going to take time to heal this belief that my child will fall apart without me but I know the truth is God gave me the child that is perfect for my husband and I. Of course not every drop off and pick up will go smoothly but if I can save myself a little bit of anxiety when I leave Nathan I know I’ll breathe a lot better.  

Lately God’s put it on my heart to study his word by reading commentaries and writing down what I read. I’ve been in the last chapters of John and beginning Acts. One of the most exciting things I read so far is that believers are encouraged to expect God’s presence and favor. This is so important to me because all my life I wanted to live like this. I wanted to put everything in God’s hands. The sad truth is that my teaching was a lot different.

I was taught to worry, be anxious, try and figure everything out, be ridiculed for trying, be afraid of what others think about me, not practice my instincts essentially not be the person God created me to be. Tears fill my eyes as I write this because I am learning new ways to live. Instead of worry I pray, instead of trying to figure everything out I allow God to work things out, instead of being ridiculed I’m loved and embraced for what I think and feel, instead of being afraid what others think of me I hear what God thinks of me and brings me so much comfort. Not being able to practice my instincts has scarred me in so many ways.

It’s left me unsure of what I’m really capable of, it’s left me scared to try and fail, it’s blocked my thought process in situations and most frightening to me left me paralyzed unsure of where to make my next move. What’s so freeing to me now is I can operate in my instincts. God has given everyone an instinctive drive that helps them through any situation. Recently I’ve been able to listen to my instincts a lot in raising our son. My husband and I realized recently we differ in this area I operate in my instincts with finding out what Nathan needs and Zechariah reads the situation and processes it and then suggests plans of action. It’s very crucial to have both sets of parenting and they complement each other well. It’s such a joy and honor to raise our son with you sweetheart! Love you with all my heart!

So I would definitely mark this a sweet time in my life as God takes me deeper into his word I realize that’s where the truth lies. To every lie the enemy has ever told me I have a truth to now replace that with. It’s paramount for me and all believers to be in his Word if we ever want to combat the enemy’s attacks. But we can’t do this alone. We need solid Christian friends and family to walk us into who God created us to be. My heart is that all on the side of truth would live it. “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 Isn’t it time we stop living like we’re awaiting it? I know I’m tired of feeling punishment is all I’ll receive. I can’t wait to run into Jesus arms sigh and say I hope there’s nothing left that I haven’t given back to you.

There will always be pain, death and destruction in this world but I want to take Jesus advice and take heart because he has overcome the world. When those lies come I want to be able to combat them and stand on the truth that has promised to set me free.  I pray this for you also.

Love you with all my heart

Tina Martina Putney