Wow! This week was challenging painful but ended up being beautiful! Have you ever said the phrase "I'm so jealous!" usually it has something to do with someone doing something you want to do but know you can't like take a vacation or they have something you want but can't have like a new car. This phrase I've used many times and I usually don't really mean it. But day two of this study hit me pretty hard.
I've been jealous of my husband for the course of our relationship. I was a little anxious to write this post because of having to admit that. 3 years ago I responded to a question if I was jealous of anyone and I said yes. Zechariah was on a mission trip during the summer in South Dakota with youth he was also settled in life until August. I on the other hand was living with his mom not working and not settled in life in fact it was the hardest part of my life yet up to this point. I responded that he got to do what I wanted to do for that summer and that he was settled until August. 3 years later I'm ashamed to have to admit that I still have been jealous with what my husband has and I don't family to visit, job, and being settled in his calling. So what has Saul taught me this week?
Saul taught me the most important lesson, love overpowers jealousy. In one of the readings Saul sends men to Ramah to capture David but they all prophesy instead. Finally Saul himself goes to Ramah but the same thing happens to him! That's so amazing to me for a man that had evil plotted towards David, God was still able to break through and provide protection for David and Samuel. His Spirit even touched Saul to have him act in obedience to what God wanted for him. God still wanted to act through Saul though Saul wanted only to kill David. Throughout this week God has been doing much of the same with me. He's bee showing me how blessed I am. Sometimes I just need to see it to believe it's true. Words are great but sometimes the only thing that matters to me is the action, which my husband knows all too well of.
So this week I haven't been able to talk to my mama and it was really hard. We go through stretches of time where we can't communicate, life gets busy, internet doesn't work well enough, etc. but this week was like a knife stabbed in my chest because I found out that I can call people and hear them but they wouldn't be able to hear me over skype. All week I was trying to figure out how to talk to my mama. My step dad (Ostoja) had a stroke again while mama was in Slovenia visiting my younger sister and I just wanted to know that everything was ok. I felt like I couldn't do that. I ended up just giving up on trying to figure out my laptop and put skype on my phone. I finally got to talk to my mama a few days ago. I learned the hard way to just put my faith in God for the blessing of having her in my life.
God started showing me his love this week through the stress in life. Our sweet little one has been sick this week. I took him to HCMC clinic twice but they didn't know what was causing his infected looking eyes so they gave me prescription for him. Now as I think about it teething was most likely the culprit. So it's been a stressful week at home trying to talk to my mama and dealing with sick child. But meeting with friends and being able to drive a spiritual daughter to camp was the break that I needed. I started to see that everything I've been jealous about God was answering through the stressful parts of life. He is always faithful even if faithful feels like forever!
We were with my in-laws this weekend and it was really a beautiful time! Great grandpa finally got to meet his boy! We got to see both mom and dad and spend time with each family. As I sat with my family I felt God's love answer the hurt I've felt of not having a family. This is my family and I love them so much! My favorite people to be around are those that love our son! There's no doubt in my mind that God gave me the right crew! So love took over and jealousy no longer has to be present. I'm sure I'll feel jealousy rise up at times but it's not an emotion I need to feel when I see how blessed I am. I wonder what Saul's life could have looked like if God and he had that conversation.
Last night us 3 stayed at a hotel! It was nice to just unwind from a busy weekend and watch A.D. on t.v. instead of wait for Monday. Nathan was really fussy over tired and teething so it was really hard on us both. Jesus spoke to me about focusing on loving his children during the night. I've been praying for him to show me how he handles stress and he told me this was another way. As I was reading Matthew I saw that the miracles he performed were his greatest work because they showed he loved his children. Every healing miracle he performed he did because it was the best for the person and he loved them more then to keep them in their condition. As I write this I'm thinking about those that are living with constant suffering with their health and bodies and I hope and pray you don't feel upset about your life in any way the resurrection changes everything!! Maybe not on this side of eternity but you will be healed your needs will be met!
So I started out not wanting to do this study after day two and in fact I avoided it for days. What I saw and learned about how Jesus handles stress has changed the way I see his miracles. And him showing me how blessed I am changed my attitude towards my husband and family. I found a new love for them as I am grasping that they are God's blessing to my life! Instead of wanting my family (mama) who I still do want in my life of course, I accept the one that is right in front of me and has been for all along this journey I've been on. They took me in when I had no one else I'm forever grateful to the Putney and Dulian family! It's an honor to be a part of a great family line! We'll have our differences at times (what family doesn't?) but I love you all so much words don't even begin to reveal the gratitude I have in my heart for you all! Thank you for being a wonderful family for our precious son! It's another reason I love you all so much!
It's been a challenging painful but ended up being a beautiful week! I'm looking forward to next week not as excited with week one as this is not an easy journey but I am anticipating what my heart will look like at the end of this journey!
Love you with all my heart!
Tina Martina Putney
Monday, May 25, 2015
Friday, May 15, 2015
Week one
Wow! This week has been eye opening and I was expecting nothing less! From the sheep pen arose a shepherd boy that later would lead Israel as king! If there's any story in the bible that brings me encouragement as I wait on God it's this one! The least likely to be chosen is the one God chooses! Just like us, we're the least likely to be used for God's purposes but God will choose who he sees has the right heart! I love that! Reading about Jonathan and David's friendship too is touching.
Jonathan is willing to lay down his life for David. His wisdom also passes Saul. When he eats honey and his father wants to put him to death he shares how his eyes brightened. He shares how much better it would have been for his fathers men to eat during the preparation for battle. I'm also struck by that. A youth has more insight into situations that an adult didn't see coming. To us it makes sense for soldiers to be well nourished for battle, but in the olden times when the king's word was what you went by it was not to be questioned, but I love how God uses his son. Sometimes the younger generation can surprise you. I know I'm often amazed at the energy and different opinions they bring to life! I love being around them! God called me to be a youth leader and it's my heart passion to love these kids as if they were my own! The second day was really powerful to me! It was talking about Saul disobeying God.
Partial obedience isn't obedience! Saul's life makes me so sad. A chosen king disobeys God and makes God grieve! I can't imagine what God grieving looks like or feels like but I can only imagine that it must be heartbreaking! When I read these words my heart breaks! Saul was the people's choice. They kept asking for a king to rule over them so God gave them Saul. We soon realize that there are major character flaws in Saul and the biggest is pride. After "destroying" the Amelikites Saul builds a monument to his honor. He completely missed the point of the mission. This wasn't Saul's mission it was God's and he was given specific instructions which he didn't follow through on. That's not something to celebrate. Unfortunately Saul was never taught that partial obedience isn't obedience. He tragically finds out the consequences of his actions. The most scary thing to me in all of scripture is the verse where the Holy Spirit leaves Saul and an evil tormenting spirit comes to replace it.
Today the mark of Christians is the Holy Spirit. Could you imagine life without Him? He wouldn't be able to guide your decisions, path, convict you of sin, or protect you from harmful consequences. To me there's nothing more frightening! To not be directed by God through this life is a dark place that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Saul closed his heart and mind to God the day he chose to honor himself rather then give honor and glory to God. But God still had a solution for this mess and that's where the story becomes beautiful!!
That same shepherd boy that even his Father Jesse deemed unfit was the one Samuel annointed as king!! Imagine being David for a second (perhaps we all are in some sense) just doing your everyday life and then God reveals his plans for your life and they're far greater and bigger then you could ever dream! That's what happened to David that day! He was annointed King over Israel chosen by God and his name became great! It took a long time to get there but God used the shepherding life to David's advantage in many ways in life! I love picturing this! There's Samuel standing before Jesse's seven sons and none are the choice then David comes and God says to Samuel "Rise and annoint him he is the one!" God was waiting on David! How beautiful that is to me! So many times we feel we need to wait on God to act when he already has and is now waiting on us! He didn't let Samuel choose the "obvious choice" He has him wait for David. The annointing ceremony must have been so beautiful and I'm so glad it's recorded here!! God taught Samuel and the same goes for all of us a very important lesson.
Man looks at outward appearance but God looks at the heart. We know David messes up but God knew his heart beat for him and that was enough! We already are enough! We have been bought with the precious blood of Christ! Everything is secondary compared to God's love for us! We can't out love God and no matter what as his Child we can't run away from it! When we see "not going to happen" God sees "just waiting to happen!" That's so encouraging to me! I don't think there's a greater gift then to be chosen by God! Thanks be to God that we are loved so much even when bad things happen that we can't explain or understand he still has a plan! His choices are not random or haphazard he knows exactly what he's doing ALL of the time! David was the right choice for so many reasons! The beautiful thing is we are too!! The greatest reason of all is because of our precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Talk about facing your giants Goliath didn't seem like one I would have gone up against! David had such confidence that God would deliver him into Israel's hands and he did not dissapoint!
With a single shot David defeated a giant that easily could've killed him with one blow of his weapons. David's weapon though is more powerful than anything we may ever hold on this side of Eternity! God fought for Israel that day so long ago and he continues to also today. Maybe you're following up on the news but I'd say God is still fighting just as fierce if not more for his people. More and more Christians are dying for their faith daily! David could easily have died that day by worldly standards he didn't stand a chance against Goliath, but the fact that he beat his giant proves that God is indeed involved in our lives, circumstances, he sees what we're up against and if we have faith he'll deliver he will never disappoint! It's been a great week! I can't wait to share this journey with you! I hope you'll enjoy the trip back in time through history as you read these blogs and allow some familiar stories to teach you new lessons that will help grow your faith as it is mine!
Looking forward to next week!
Love you
Tina Martina Putney
Jonathan is willing to lay down his life for David. His wisdom also passes Saul. When he eats honey and his father wants to put him to death he shares how his eyes brightened. He shares how much better it would have been for his fathers men to eat during the preparation for battle. I'm also struck by that. A youth has more insight into situations that an adult didn't see coming. To us it makes sense for soldiers to be well nourished for battle, but in the olden times when the king's word was what you went by it was not to be questioned, but I love how God uses his son. Sometimes the younger generation can surprise you. I know I'm often amazed at the energy and different opinions they bring to life! I love being around them! God called me to be a youth leader and it's my heart passion to love these kids as if they were my own! The second day was really powerful to me! It was talking about Saul disobeying God.
Partial obedience isn't obedience! Saul's life makes me so sad. A chosen king disobeys God and makes God grieve! I can't imagine what God grieving looks like or feels like but I can only imagine that it must be heartbreaking! When I read these words my heart breaks! Saul was the people's choice. They kept asking for a king to rule over them so God gave them Saul. We soon realize that there are major character flaws in Saul and the biggest is pride. After "destroying" the Amelikites Saul builds a monument to his honor. He completely missed the point of the mission. This wasn't Saul's mission it was God's and he was given specific instructions which he didn't follow through on. That's not something to celebrate. Unfortunately Saul was never taught that partial obedience isn't obedience. He tragically finds out the consequences of his actions. The most scary thing to me in all of scripture is the verse where the Holy Spirit leaves Saul and an evil tormenting spirit comes to replace it.
Today the mark of Christians is the Holy Spirit. Could you imagine life without Him? He wouldn't be able to guide your decisions, path, convict you of sin, or protect you from harmful consequences. To me there's nothing more frightening! To not be directed by God through this life is a dark place that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Saul closed his heart and mind to God the day he chose to honor himself rather then give honor and glory to God. But God still had a solution for this mess and that's where the story becomes beautiful!!
That same shepherd boy that even his Father Jesse deemed unfit was the one Samuel annointed as king!! Imagine being David for a second (perhaps we all are in some sense) just doing your everyday life and then God reveals his plans for your life and they're far greater and bigger then you could ever dream! That's what happened to David that day! He was annointed King over Israel chosen by God and his name became great! It took a long time to get there but God used the shepherding life to David's advantage in many ways in life! I love picturing this! There's Samuel standing before Jesse's seven sons and none are the choice then David comes and God says to Samuel "Rise and annoint him he is the one!" God was waiting on David! How beautiful that is to me! So many times we feel we need to wait on God to act when he already has and is now waiting on us! He didn't let Samuel choose the "obvious choice" He has him wait for David. The annointing ceremony must have been so beautiful and I'm so glad it's recorded here!! God taught Samuel and the same goes for all of us a very important lesson.
Man looks at outward appearance but God looks at the heart. We know David messes up but God knew his heart beat for him and that was enough! We already are enough! We have been bought with the precious blood of Christ! Everything is secondary compared to God's love for us! We can't out love God and no matter what as his Child we can't run away from it! When we see "not going to happen" God sees "just waiting to happen!" That's so encouraging to me! I don't think there's a greater gift then to be chosen by God! Thanks be to God that we are loved so much even when bad things happen that we can't explain or understand he still has a plan! His choices are not random or haphazard he knows exactly what he's doing ALL of the time! David was the right choice for so many reasons! The beautiful thing is we are too!! The greatest reason of all is because of our precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Talk about facing your giants Goliath didn't seem like one I would have gone up against! David had such confidence that God would deliver him into Israel's hands and he did not dissapoint!
With a single shot David defeated a giant that easily could've killed him with one blow of his weapons. David's weapon though is more powerful than anything we may ever hold on this side of Eternity! God fought for Israel that day so long ago and he continues to also today. Maybe you're following up on the news but I'd say God is still fighting just as fierce if not more for his people. More and more Christians are dying for their faith daily! David could easily have died that day by worldly standards he didn't stand a chance against Goliath, but the fact that he beat his giant proves that God is indeed involved in our lives, circumstances, he sees what we're up against and if we have faith he'll deliver he will never disappoint! It's been a great week! I can't wait to share this journey with you! I hope you'll enjoy the trip back in time through history as you read these blogs and allow some familiar stories to teach you new lessons that will help grow your faith as it is mine!
Looking forward to next week!
Love you
Tina Martina Putney
Monday, May 11, 2015
David... A man after God's Heart
I love David, yes he made a lot of bad decisions but he was surely a man after God's heart. This morning I reopened a bible study that I participated in 3 years ago. When I was still attending our home church and living with my now mom-in-law I participated in this study. I remember how much I enjoyed my daily lesson and the many conversations I had with Zechariah on the phone while he was in South Dakota. I think that study got me through many days of being lonely with my new boyfriend 2 states away and living with his family who I barely knew!
As I opened the first lesson it was interesting to see my answers. I also found it really interesting that I didn't feel I needed to add to my answers. I don't think I ever seriously walked with God until that summer. My heart was coming alive in ways I never thought possible, but there I was in the backyard just learning about David. I remember so many times just sitting at the table and seeing David as I read the scripture. It was so exciting to me that I couldn't stop talking about it and I couldn't wait to tell Zechariah about what God was showing me!
For one David was a warrior. He had troops to command. More importantly he sought out God's direction for his battles. Psalm 89 is so beautiful to me! You hear God speaking in it. That floored me I didn't know God spoke in scripture turns out there's a lot I didn't know and still don't. He swears by his holiness that there will be an heir always on David's throne and there is Jesus!
David has taught me and still is teaching me to be after God's heart. He's also taught me the tragedies of life and poor decisions. Something that always scares me is the thought of experiencing the Holy Spirit leaving me like Saul had. I don't think there's a more frightening place to be then when you're fighting against God and his favor does not rest on you. The Old Testament is full of examples of what happens when people forsake God it's just scary plain and simple. You don't want to be on the other side of God's Holiness. I know I don't! Because of Jesus we now have a guide a counselor an advocate that convicts us of wrong and propels us to do right.
Take a look around at the world today does anyone disagree that things are a little messed up? To me nothing would be more frightening then to not have the Holy Spirit guide me through it all. I love being in God's word and then I love being able to act it out! I took the picture as is because my name tag was on the cover of the book.
3 years ago I was unmarried, just found myself in a relationship, getting rooted in scripture, and dealing with the most difficult time of my life. I like to remember where I came from only so I also can see where God has brought me! I'm so excited at the journey God has me on! Everyday is a new adventure, a new lesson and now an old study returning. I don't believe that being a Christian should be boring. I believe it should be exciting and a daily renewal. How would you act if you knew for certain you were saved? For me I would take risks, speak truth, and above all love with the love of Christ.
I'm finishing a book about this very mindset and I'm really excited to see what new adventure awaits for me this time as I embark on this journey again! If you have this book and would like to join feel free!! I'd love company! If not it's great! Scripture really does come alive!
I love you
Hope every mother felt celebrated and loved on yesterday! It's an honor and joy to be a part of the amazing work of motherhood!
Tina Martina Putney
As I opened the first lesson it was interesting to see my answers. I also found it really interesting that I didn't feel I needed to add to my answers. I don't think I ever seriously walked with God until that summer. My heart was coming alive in ways I never thought possible, but there I was in the backyard just learning about David. I remember so many times just sitting at the table and seeing David as I read the scripture. It was so exciting to me that I couldn't stop talking about it and I couldn't wait to tell Zechariah about what God was showing me!
For one David was a warrior. He had troops to command. More importantly he sought out God's direction for his battles. Psalm 89 is so beautiful to me! You hear God speaking in it. That floored me I didn't know God spoke in scripture turns out there's a lot I didn't know and still don't. He swears by his holiness that there will be an heir always on David's throne and there is Jesus!
David has taught me and still is teaching me to be after God's heart. He's also taught me the tragedies of life and poor decisions. Something that always scares me is the thought of experiencing the Holy Spirit leaving me like Saul had. I don't think there's a more frightening place to be then when you're fighting against God and his favor does not rest on you. The Old Testament is full of examples of what happens when people forsake God it's just scary plain and simple. You don't want to be on the other side of God's Holiness. I know I don't! Because of Jesus we now have a guide a counselor an advocate that convicts us of wrong and propels us to do right.
Take a look around at the world today does anyone disagree that things are a little messed up? To me nothing would be more frightening then to not have the Holy Spirit guide me through it all. I love being in God's word and then I love being able to act it out! I took the picture as is because my name tag was on the cover of the book.
3 years ago I was unmarried, just found myself in a relationship, getting rooted in scripture, and dealing with the most difficult time of my life. I like to remember where I came from only so I also can see where God has brought me! I'm so excited at the journey God has me on! Everyday is a new adventure, a new lesson and now an old study returning. I don't believe that being a Christian should be boring. I believe it should be exciting and a daily renewal. How would you act if you knew for certain you were saved? For me I would take risks, speak truth, and above all love with the love of Christ.
I'm finishing a book about this very mindset and I'm really excited to see what new adventure awaits for me this time as I embark on this journey again! If you have this book and would like to join feel free!! I'd love company! If not it's great! Scripture really does come alive!
I love you
Hope every mother felt celebrated and loved on yesterday! It's an honor and joy to be a part of the amazing work of motherhood!
Tina Martina Putney