Before I say anything I want to be clear, I am not passing judgement on this mom. I do not know her situation, I don't even know her name all I know is she is the old me.
I took my son to our favorite coffee shop today for some much needed little people time and out of the house time for mama. As the time during our visit progressed I saw a familiar scene. A mom was trying to get her toddler, who didn't look much older than Nathan, to leave. As toddlers do, this little girl was having none of it! Mom was getting super frustrated and slipping into "reactive mom" quickly. All the while, the little girl was just happy as can be, running around the playroom and not following her mom's stern, "Get over here now!"
My heart broke for both the mom and the little girl. Seeing a dynamic like that at such a young age leads me to think about school age, and teenage years, into adulthood. You see, this was the parent I was. I thought my child was just supposed to listen and obey. Children aren't robots they're not designed to just follow our every command. They are so beautifully and wonderfully made. They have such amazing imaginations, kind compassionate hearts, eyes of wonder and awe that you just simply can't help but get lost in!
There will always be days that are harder then others around here yet my biggest and sincere hope for my sons is that they realize that mom is safe and can stay in control. As I say in prayer at times I didn't start well but I want to end well. When my children leave my home I pray that I equipped them for all I humanly could have equipped them for. I know that anything above that is not in my control and know that God will take care of the rest!
For this mom I hope and pray she has support helping her regulate her emotions and for this little girl I pray she is hearing messages of love, grace and encouragement of her character rather then attacks of it. Today was a good day! My son listened really well to me and didn't cause a big stink when we had to leave, or a friend took his toy, even when the poor guy hit his lip on the bench causing it to bleed! Another reason though and for me the best reason was my son kept coming back to me!
If you have been around my son long enough you know he loves to explore! He loves to run and his imagination is something that keeps a lot of joy in this house. He also likes to "check-in" often times you'll hear him calling daddy or me if I am not around, he'll come and show us his toys. My absolute favorite time is when he invites us into his world. We've done some pretty silly things to be in our son's world, but I find it such a fun place to be!
As we are about to welcome our second precious son into our family I pray this doesn't change! We've done a lot of work to get to this point as a family so from real life experience I can confidently say that it does happen! I love seeing my son be able to go out and come back in. I want you to have the tool that I had shown to me almost two years ago! It's called the circle of security and at any point our children are on one part of this circle. Again today was a good day! I believe my son was showing me that he has getting his needs met by exploring and then coming back in when he wanted to be close. It's a beautiful picture of the love we share with our Father God.
He allows us to fail miserably and doesn't say I told you so, just brushes us off and sends us out again. He waits ever so patiently for the moment we come back in! It's like he is this proud parent watching us take our first steps and then something scares us and we run back in. I want to be this for my boys! I want to be home base. I want them to freely explore their world and when they need extra love or assurance I want them to know I am right there to catch them. I won't always be able to be there but in the moments we get to share together while they are young I don't plan on missing an opportunity to.
I'm giving you permission that if you see me struggling to stay calm to look me right in the eyes and tell this mom her three favorite words, "You Got This" Bet you thought it was I love you huh? You got this, so simple but so profound and so necessary to hear. When we have a screaming toddler, cranky baby to grab and it's just us dealing with it all believe me we don't believe we got this. If you were to look at us and tell us you got this I bet that's all we'd need to be able to think of a game plan. It's when we don't feel we go this we give up trying to be stronger wiser kinder. This is my mission to look at a mom I see struggling and tell her the words that every mother needs to hear "You Got This."
Next time you see this all to familiar scene screaming toddler, or complacent school age kid, crabby baby one single mama trying to manage it all I hope you will join me in telling her "You Got This." Think of it as an random act of kindness that will speak volumes to any mama's heart!
So for any mama's reading this right now let me start YOU GOT THIS! I'm so proud of you for all you do to make your children be the beautiful people they are! They may not show you for a while or maybe even ever and you are a big reason that they are the person they are today. Give yourself ample amounts of grace on those hard days and know they will bounce back and so will you. You will try harder the next day and the day after that because mamas don't quit! And most importantly they need you so once more mama YOU GOT THIS!
I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney
circle of security
Saturday, March 25, 2017
Sunday, March 12, 2017
When we don't feel...
Often times we'll hear people say I don't feel... (insert your feeling here) I used to also respond in such ways. If I don't feel something then I must not be it. Let's take happy for instance. I used to think if I'm not smiling then I must not be happy and that if I was then I must feel joy. I'm a very emotional person and there will be times I will be crying but really am joyful. When I am in an intimate time of worship and God speaks something to me that only he can most often I'll be smiling on the outside while tears are streaming down my face as I sing. Why does this matter? If you'll forgive me to say I think we base our decisions on what we feel or don't. I feel stressed so I must be stressed, I feel scared so I must be scared. I don't think I can do this so I will give up before I try. Sound familiar? Yeah this was how I lived too for a long time. Then I realized something about emotions I hadn't before.
They are really important guides to our inner world. They tell us that we have an opinion about something but they don't need to dictate our actions. So being a stay at home mom again is about the most challenging role I have to play. There's days honestly I love it more then anything! Like when our son shares the new words, phrases he's learned, sings songs we sing together, watching him play. Then there are days story time is stressful he runs down the hallway at church and I just can't wait to Sing Jesus Loves me to him and shut the door and bid him off to dreamland.
I suffer with a lot of anxiety. What are they going to think if... what I also see is that half of the things I've worried about never happen. My three biggest prayers for my family is that we are happy safe and healthy. Happy doesn't always mean smiling, safe doesn't always mean avoiding another crisis and healthy doesn't always mean the next trip to the er. There are days my son's joy is evident he's laughing and giggling (two sounds I really adore!) Other days he's not as vocal, active, or adventurous but he's still happy. He is loved by his mommy and daddy and to him that's enough. Being safe isn't a life or death type of deal.
We have a roof over our heads and the protection of God and can rest in that! Health is something we never take for granted. We know there are a lot of families out there that are gearing up for the next doctor visit, chemo treatment, surgery, last goodbye or more joyous to think about first hello's as we are in about 2 months with our second son! My point is that these three prayers are being answered in our lives each day even if we don't feel them!
I know it's hard when you have a screaming toddler in your arms to feel happy or sometimes even safe. Yet the truth is you still are. When that little one soothes and lays their head on your shoulders the joy oversees the unhappy thoughts and feelings you just experienced. God is not punishing you if you have a difficult experience with your spouse, parent or child. It's the natural progression of life here after the fall. Life and feelings are divided up in moments we're not always happy, not always sad, not always mad in any given day we feel any one of these and so many more emotions and they are all ok! Just because we feel something it doesn't mean it's always true. Take a look at what 2 Corinthians 6 (MSG) has to say about this.
These guys had every reason to doubt God's love for them and yet they continued on the path he called them to. They poured their hearts into their work regardless of what response they would receive! God is good and He gives Good gifts to His children. He wants our full undivided attention much more then he wants our half-heart devotion. He is still Good even when we can't explain what he's doing in our lives, He still has the control even if our lives look out of control, even if our fairy tale looks nothing like the landscape we imagined it would be.
We're not always going to sing in the rain, or wallow in self-pity or run scared because our perfect sacrifice stood in the same shoes and yet prevailed and did not cower when he could have. In John's gospel account while he is about to be arrested Jesus has the command. He even arranged the meeting place. Anyone of us would have probably run but even in that moment he took command and requested the disciples would be let go. That's power! That is our example of how we face our fears not hiding behind a safe zone but with boldness and power head on! John 18: 1-14
Jesus felt every emotion we feel yet he rose victorious and is calling us to do the same! As we approach this Easter season I pray with renewed strength you will come to see the power in our Savior. It is because of him and He alone I have the strength and overcoming spirit to rise above all of the I feel this or I just don't feel this way days we experience far too often here! Even when I don't feel loved I know I am, when I don't feel safe I know I am, when I don't feel like a mom (those days come) I know I am.
Thank you Jesus for all you give have given and are continually giving to not only our family but prayerfully yours as well!
Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney
They are really important guides to our inner world. They tell us that we have an opinion about something but they don't need to dictate our actions. So being a stay at home mom again is about the most challenging role I have to play. There's days honestly I love it more then anything! Like when our son shares the new words, phrases he's learned, sings songs we sing together, watching him play. Then there are days story time is stressful he runs down the hallway at church and I just can't wait to Sing Jesus Loves me to him and shut the door and bid him off to dreamland.
I suffer with a lot of anxiety. What are they going to think if... what I also see is that half of the things I've worried about never happen. My three biggest prayers for my family is that we are happy safe and healthy. Happy doesn't always mean smiling, safe doesn't always mean avoiding another crisis and healthy doesn't always mean the next trip to the er. There are days my son's joy is evident he's laughing and giggling (two sounds I really adore!) Other days he's not as vocal, active, or adventurous but he's still happy. He is loved by his mommy and daddy and to him that's enough. Being safe isn't a life or death type of deal.
We have a roof over our heads and the protection of God and can rest in that! Health is something we never take for granted. We know there are a lot of families out there that are gearing up for the next doctor visit, chemo treatment, surgery, last goodbye or more joyous to think about first hello's as we are in about 2 months with our second son! My point is that these three prayers are being answered in our lives each day even if we don't feel them!
I know it's hard when you have a screaming toddler in your arms to feel happy or sometimes even safe. Yet the truth is you still are. When that little one soothes and lays their head on your shoulders the joy oversees the unhappy thoughts and feelings you just experienced. God is not punishing you if you have a difficult experience with your spouse, parent or child. It's the natural progression of life here after the fall. Life and feelings are divided up in moments we're not always happy, not always sad, not always mad in any given day we feel any one of these and so many more emotions and they are all ok! Just because we feel something it doesn't mean it's always true. Take a look at what 2 Corinthians 6 (MSG) has to say about this.
These guys had every reason to doubt God's love for them and yet they continued on the path he called them to. They poured their hearts into their work regardless of what response they would receive! God is good and He gives Good gifts to His children. He wants our full undivided attention much more then he wants our half-heart devotion. He is still Good even when we can't explain what he's doing in our lives, He still has the control even if our lives look out of control, even if our fairy tale looks nothing like the landscape we imagined it would be.
We're not always going to sing in the rain, or wallow in self-pity or run scared because our perfect sacrifice stood in the same shoes and yet prevailed and did not cower when he could have. In John's gospel account while he is about to be arrested Jesus has the command. He even arranged the meeting place. Anyone of us would have probably run but even in that moment he took command and requested the disciples would be let go. That's power! That is our example of how we face our fears not hiding behind a safe zone but with boldness and power head on! John 18: 1-14
Jesus felt every emotion we feel yet he rose victorious and is calling us to do the same! As we approach this Easter season I pray with renewed strength you will come to see the power in our Savior. It is because of him and He alone I have the strength and overcoming spirit to rise above all of the I feel this or I just don't feel this way days we experience far too often here! Even when I don't feel loved I know I am, when I don't feel safe I know I am, when I don't feel like a mom (those days come) I know I am.
Thank you Jesus for all you give have given and are continually giving to not only our family but prayerfully yours as well!
Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney