In the analogy of a dock God showed me something key. If home is not right I can't go anywhere else. People that know me also know I have a tendency to run away and leave important situations behind while trying to take care of myself. I especially do this when I get hurt. I think we all do at some point. We want to run from what's hurting us but what I learned is that what's left behind is the same hurt I was feeling before I left.
So this week there's been a couple situations that rose up where I was able to see this in practice. Ministry is not always the easiest fight, one you certainly have to prepare yourself for. In several situations this week I was trying to help others while I myself was suffering. In a sense I was going out to sea again while leaving dock unattended. This was clear when I watched my husband from across the room. I knew that in that moment all I should have been doing was being with him but I was needed elsewhere. When I finally made the decision to be with my husband our whole night changed.
The next morning was when I saw the vision of the dock.It's a dock like any other but it was only intact when the ship would be docked at it. As soon as the ship went out it fell apart. What God showed me in that is often times I feel I need to help others outside of my own home but I forget to see the hurting partner I leave behind on a shattered dock.
I have learned to take this lesson seriously and will continue to do my best at taking care of the needs at home before I go anywhere. God has given me this wonderful man to love and to hold and to grow with and I will be held accountable how I treat his heart. This we learned at a friends wedding on Easter Sunday. When I focus my attention off the dock no matter what it crumbles. If however I learn to keep my gaze on it and help build a strong foundation for it, that's when it becomes what it's meant to.
Marriage is not the easiest thing at times. You see really quick where you lack understanding and patience but it's a test worth passing! The beautiful part of marriage is that you get to learn more about yourself and the person you're with. My home is my dock, marriage it's foundation and all of it is held up by God. If I don't focus on what I do here first my husband is still hurting when I come back. In a sense I've done nothing to relieve any hurt from either of us I've simply prolonged it. The same hurt and questions are still there they just take a longer time to manifest because one person is unavailable at the moment.
In 6 weeks we are going to be welcoming our son into our family! I want him to see that daddy and mommy work together. I don't want him to see an unstable dock. It takes two to build a dock, two to destroy it and still two to rebuild it again. In order to be effective parents to our lion cub (we're calling him lion king as a nickname) we both have to work together and pull our weight.
Currently Zechariah is looking for full time work as I get ready to stay home with my son. In both of these roles there's a change to set in. The key ingredient in the success of this process is prayer and God's guidance. We are learning with each passing day how much we do need each other. No matter what happens we are side by side and that settles it. Please keep us in prayer as we enter this new and exciting journey into parenthood!
Love you
Tina Putney
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