A new insanity

Have you ever used the phrase new normal? I have several times. When I am in a transition I use that to help me cope. It helps me to know that changes are happening but things will settle again into a new normal with a new routine. But I'm starting to embrace a new insanity!

While talking to David today I paused and shared this revelation with him. I said "having a child is a new insanity." He told me I should write about that so here goes! To me this means that everything changed once I had my son. My temper has greatly decreased with having Nathan around. I want to protect Nathan from all harm. Anger has been a really destructive emotion for my life as I'm sure it is for many others also. So in order for my son to be safe I had to embrace more calm. Being married to a calm person of nature helps a lot in this process. However I'm now starting to realize how essential staying calm really is. It's not just safe for Nathan but it's also safe for my family and me.

So when things come up that are threatening the calm environment I want to establish for my son I have to remember who I'm doing it for. Hospitals and doctors always scared me but now I have to put my faith and trust in them to take care of our son. I have to trust in their training and experience as does any parent. At the same time all I want to do is hold Nathan and not let any pain come to him. This is what I call a new insanity.

In two months I have been so in love with my son that I couldn't imagine life without him! He makes me a better person in every way because I now have to challenge all my beliefs and put my trust in situations that I have no experience in. I have no idea how to heal a sick child I'm not just talking about the common cold but I know there are medical professionals that can. At the same time I can't stand putting my son through any kind of pain. I want him to get better I just don't want him to feel any pain to get there. This is insanity because lets face it in order for something to get better we have to go through pain.

Words don't even come close to describe how much I love my son. I love his smile, his coos, his alert eyes taking everything in. I see him as a precious gift from God because that's what he is. When he cries I used to be so anxious and just wanted to make him stop but now I have embraced him communicating something is wrong. When he coos I can't help but laugh, when he smiles he melts my heart.

One night I was really stressed out and Nathan was feeding. I looked down at him and as just staring at me. He then smiled at me and in a second all my stress vanished. This is what I call a new insanity. I'm learning a love so crazy that it can take what I'm feeling and turn it around in a second! I'm also learning the most important lesson in this. God loves us with this kind of love!

Jeremiah 31:3 uses the term everlasting love, to me that's a better way to define a new insanity. Everlasting means no end no matter what. This is what I am learning with my son. No matter what we go through together I will always love him. We are going to have those days where we may not like each other but I will always see the gift he is and pray for him to remain that in my heart. My greatest prayer for Nathan is that he can know even when we are not with him physically he can know that spiritually we are right by his side.

To me motherhood is a gift from God. I get to partner with him to raise one of his own. There of course will be days I'll need to be reminded of that which is why I'm so thankful for the community God's built around me and my family. I have been waiting for my son long before pregnancy started and now that he's finally here I don't intend on wasting this precious time I've been given. It's true I've had to give up things in order to be Nathan's mom but what I had to give up can not at all come close to the moments I get to share with my son everyday.

I love him with God's love because I feel he has given me eyes to see him as He sees him. I had a vision the Jesus called Nathan his sweet baby boy. That vision has helped me to see Nathan as that in my eyes. He lights up a room and can sit through worship without making a peep. God has blessed us with this beautiful child! I pray that I and Zechariah and our family and friends can embrace our son with God's love. It's crazy and insane and it will never stop no matter what! I'm most thankful to be taught what a new insanity looks like.

When I look at my son I know God's showing me how crazy he is about us! When my heart melts when my son smiles that's what God's heart is doing when we laugh or smile! When we spend time with him he melts! It's crazy how much God loves his children but that's just what we are and that's just what he does. He loves with an everlasting love just like having Nathan has become a new insanity for me we are always one for Him!

I pray we can see our children through His eyes! I pray we can see ourselves through His eyes! He came down from Heaven suffered, died, bled, rose, and defeated death for us just so we could spent Eternity with him! If you ask me that's crazy love everlasting love. Here's the greatest gift of all He offers it to us everyday! I pray we can lay down our lives and desires and attitudes and take up His. He will never leave us nor forsake us. May you be blessed to know you are a Child of the One True King today and everyday of your life!

I love you with all my heart and with His love!
Tina Martina Putney