Often times we'll hear people say I don't feel... (insert your feeling here) I used to also respond in such ways. If I don't feel something then I must not be it. Let's take happy for instance. I used to think if I'm not smiling then I must not be happy and that if I was then I must feel joy. I'm a very emotional person and there will be times I will be crying but really am joyful. When I am in an intimate time of worship and God speaks something to me that only he can most often I'll be smiling on the outside while tears are streaming down my face as I sing. Why does this matter? If you'll forgive me to say I think we base our decisions on what we feel or don't. I feel stressed so I must be stressed, I feel scared so I must be scared. I don't think I can do this so I will give up before I try. Sound familiar? Yeah this was how I lived too for a long time. Then I realized something about emotions I hadn't before.
They are really important guides to our inner world. They tell us that we have an opinion about something but they don't need to dictate our actions. So being a stay at home mom again is about the most challenging role I have to play. There's days honestly I love it more then anything! Like when our son shares the new words, phrases he's learned, sings songs we sing together, watching him play. Then there are days story time is stressful he runs down the hallway at church and I just can't wait to Sing Jesus Loves me to him and shut the door and bid him off to dreamland.
I suffer with a lot of anxiety. What are they going to think if... what I also see is that half of the things I've worried about never happen. My three biggest prayers for my family is that we are happy safe and healthy. Happy doesn't always mean smiling, safe doesn't always mean avoiding another crisis and healthy doesn't always mean the next trip to the er. There are days my son's joy is evident he's laughing and giggling (two sounds I really adore!) Other days he's not as vocal, active, or adventurous but he's still happy. He is loved by his mommy and daddy and to him that's enough. Being safe isn't a life or death type of deal.
We have a roof over our heads and the protection of God and can rest in that! Health is something we never take for granted. We know there are a lot of families out there that are gearing up for the next doctor visit, chemo treatment, surgery, last goodbye or more joyous to think about first hello's as we are in about 2 months with our second son! My point is that these three prayers are being answered in our lives each day even if we don't feel them!
I know it's hard when you have a screaming toddler in your arms to feel happy or sometimes even safe. Yet the truth is you still are. When that little one soothes and lays their head on your shoulders the joy oversees the unhappy thoughts and feelings you just experienced. God is not punishing you if you have a difficult experience with your spouse, parent or child. It's the natural progression of life here after the fall. Life and feelings are divided up in moments we're not always happy, not always sad, not always mad in any given day we feel any one of these and so many more emotions and they are all ok! Just because we feel something it doesn't mean it's always true. Take a look at what 2 Corinthians 6 (MSG) has to say about this.
These guys had every reason to doubt God's love for them and yet they continued on the path he called them to. They poured their hearts into their work regardless of what response they would receive! God is good and He gives Good gifts to His children. He wants our full undivided attention much more then he wants our half-heart devotion. He is still Good even when we can't explain what he's doing in our lives, He still has the control even if our lives look out of control, even if our fairy tale looks nothing like the landscape we imagined it would be.
We're not always going to sing in the rain, or wallow in self-pity or run scared because our perfect sacrifice stood in the same shoes and yet prevailed and did not cower when he could have. In John's gospel account while he is about to be arrested Jesus has the command. He even arranged the meeting place. Anyone of us would have probably run but even in that moment he took command and requested the disciples would be let go. That's power! That is our example of how we face our fears not hiding behind a safe zone but with boldness and power head on! John 18: 1-14
Jesus felt every emotion we feel yet he rose victorious and is calling us to do the same! As we approach this Easter season I pray with renewed strength you will come to see the power in our Savior. It is because of him and He alone I have the strength and overcoming spirit to rise above all of the I feel this or I just don't feel this way days we experience far too often here! Even when I don't feel loved I know I am, when I don't feel safe I know I am, when I don't feel like a mom (those days come) I know I am.
Thank you Jesus for all you give have given and are continually giving to not only our family but prayerfully yours as well!
Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney
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