I need to apologize... follow up post

Prompted by the Holy Spirit I need to apologize to you. I wrote a blog called Seeing the old me a while back. It was about giving encouragement to struggling mamas by telling them "You go this!" While my intentions were good and well meaning I was actually getting in the way of the True Gospel of Jesus.

Nowhere in the Bible does it ever say that we have this mothering thing on our own! In fact everyone in Scripture had to depend on God. It's no different than us! God gives us our very breath, all the many blessings, health, protection, love and immeasurable grace and yet God does not give us the freedom to "have it" why would he need him so desperately if we could do it all ourselves?

In many ways this has been a challenging week. Joshua's dedication was Sunday, we had a big gathering for that! It was a beautiful ceremony and was happy with all our support. There was a difficult moment in there which I really didn't process until the next day. Tuesday we took mama to the airport she is already safely back in Slovenia. With big boy turning 3 a lot of reminders of our really rough season have surfaced. It's really hard to know where we were. Yet the grace is how far we've come! If you saw me today with my kiddos it would shock you if I told you Nathan's first year was the greatest struggle of my life!

In every part of our journey Jesus never left us to figure everything out. We prayed and pleaded for him to plead our case. Reality set in when we were granted our son back home! I may have done the hard work and Jesus did everything else! He made sure we were cared for. This is the reason I am writing an apology. Jesus, (not us) has every person's dreams, desires, calling, and future in the palm of his hands. He alone knows! So next time I see a struggling mama instead of saying you got this I need to point her to Jesus. From now on I will say "Jesus got this!" The truth is he does!! He took this angry mom and with each new revelation is making her into a Gospel Centered mom! I will never not need Jesus! None of us will ever outgrow our need for Jesus! He doesn't make us enough He alone is Enough.

I hope that you can take the next step on becoming a Gospel Centered Mom and release the pressure of being enough. No matter what we think or try to do to be enough for our kiddos we will always fall short because we were never intended to be! Jesus and Jesus alone is Enough! You can this and so much more in Brooke McGlothlin's new book. It's out in stores now! You can also find the link in the blog here!

Found on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3gEO8ky 

Found on Ebay: https://ebay.us/96yF8R

So here goes... I'm sorry if I have misrepresented the True Gospel never my intention and I will be very careful to focus on who really is enough!

Gospel Centered Mom by Brooke McGlotlin 

Found on Amazon https://amzn.to/3gEO8ky

Found on Ebay: https://ebay.us/96yF8R

Tina Martina Putney  

Power in community!

I just have to share how amazing these last two months have been and how I have changed since I signed up to this online community! I was a member of MOB society (currently Million Praying Moms) and have been for a few months now!! I love it!! I have been encouraged, challenged, validated and supported in prayer! The Co-founder literally prayed for my family during a live team prayer!! Through this community I got my hands on a fantastic book! In the last 2 posts I wrote about it! It's Gospel Centered mom the freeing truth of what our kids really need. The author is a mom of two hard to handle boys! Every chapter is filled with such great truth! I feel like I have known the author for years when really I have only known her for months! It's on Preorder now and releases August 1st!! Seriously you need to get this book it's so so good!! It's real, convicting, and easy to get through all things I need!! Why do I share this in a blog? Because I am hoping to reach that one mom who may just about have had enough, I've  been there we all have! This book is a resource to good to keep to myself!!

This community is through facebook and I absolutley love it! Moms from all over can freely share thier struggle and victories with our kiddos it's not just for boys! Can I just say how awesome that is! On days where we may not have the words we have a resource right in our phone that to access a community of moms and open ANYTIME! When you bring a community of mamas together and encourage them to pray for thier sons which in my opinion, is the most crucial help, we can provide them there's no telling what good can come out of it!

We are real moms not afraid to be real. This morning a mom shared some struggles she has been having with her sons. I was so encouraged by her vulnerability that I had to message her right away through messenger! I didn't know anything about her besides the fact that she is a fellow mama with boys, that was enough for me. This mama had an avenue and was able to reach out to this community. I so wish I had known about this resource two years ago! Alot of times in mommyhood we feel we are alone and yet there is a community right at our fingertips we can access that shows us the truth of that lie!

The truth is we are not alone NEVER! We are all in this together! We have a redeeming, loving, caring, and a disciplinary Father who will never leave us or forsake us as scripture says! Before Million Praying Moms ago I felt alone! I came to know the greatest community and I couldn't help but share them with you!! Please take some time to look them up it will be so worth your while! I promise! I have realized I am not responible for the outcome of my sons that is God's job and His alone! My job is to fight for them and not against them. Maybe I would have learned this another way down the line and I am so thankful I learned about it now! I can give my boys the power of community because I really feel it!

Thanks for reading! Hope to see you on Million Praying Moms soon!

Website: https://www.millionprayingmoms.com

You cn also find them on facebook and Instagram

https://www.facebook.com/MillionPrayingMoms/

Link for book I mentioned: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/32956367-the-gospel-centered-mom 

They also have a podcast as well if that's of interest to you! Just go to the link above! They are on season 7! As I'm writing this I am listening to episode 12. 

Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

Gospel Centered Mom chapters 2-4

My hope is you will be encouraged by what you read enough to pick up your own copy of this book! I will only share some points with each chapter! First off I identify with the author here because I always wanted to be a mom! I knew I loved working with kids and always had a desire for my own. I also wanted to be a stay at home mom. Life and finances made me work outside of the home for a season and my heart was always being home with my kids! Even though I know I want to be home there are days I wonder if I could/should do something else. It's just the reality of feeling guilty for my hubby having to work two jobs to support our growing family.
I really came into motherhood picturing a great nurser, rocking chair feedings and readings, snuggles galore, that I would be able to stay calm during challenging mothering moments. If you know Nathan he is anything but a rocker! He has always been a mover and shaker! He wanted to get out of that baby phase he wanted get out fast! Part of my struggle I believe came from what looked and often times felt like a dash to my mama dream. I truly had no idea what I was heading for!

PTSD was not a part of my plan for my life. It must have been for Jesus though, because that is what I was diagnosed with after a horrid first year with my son. I have had to partake in Out-patient and inpatient-therapy, marriage counseling, taking medication to help with anxiety and sleep. I have no shame as I write this because it is true, and I feel you need to know someone's truth before you can say how it impacted you. So now that you know my truth, I want to share with you some more truths from the book. There are two truths at the end of every chapter.

Chapter 2 truths struck a great cord in me. The hard truth is "God cares more about His grand plan than your immediate comfort or concerns. On the otherhand the beatiful truth is the creator of the universe has designed your circumstances to highlight the beauty of His perfect strength" (Brooke McGlothlin Gospel Centered Mom) Both of these get a resounding YES from me! Chapter 3 is full of God and bringing him glory (As it should be since this is all about Him anyways!)

I outlined a few pages that struck me personally, but I am going to encourage you to find the book! The hard truth is "We've bought into the lie that we are the main characters in the story of our lives" (Brooke McGlothlin Gospel Centered Mom). True or not? So often we only see what's going around us not the Eternal picture! On the other hand we have "Abandoning the ME gospel frees us to embrace God's great big, time-spanning, all-consuming story, and it's better than anything we could design"(Brooke McGlothlin Gospel Cenered Mom). Doesnt that take the pressure off of us? If you had the chance to plan your life would you? Would you trust in your ability or God's faithfulness proven over and over again? Chapter 4 was another great read. With so many points I want to share! 

The hard truth is super relevant to me. It reads "Circumstances, emotions, and personal convictions are unreliable guides for decision making" (Brooke McGlothlin Gospel Centered Mom). Oh how true! It really does matter what I belive that influences my behavior!! I am sure you can say this rings true for you as well! On the other hand the beautiful truth (and it really is beautiful) is "We are made to be loved and to know truth, and together these light the way to freedom and hope" (Brooke McGlothlin Gospel Centered Mom). Jeremiah 29:11 is my go to verse. Plans to bring a future and hope. I pray you have been encouraged and support this great ministry that I am learning so much from!!

I love you with all my heart! May you and your family be blessed!
Tina Martina Putney

Gospel Centered Mom by Brooke McGlothlin 

Found on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3gEO8ky

Found on Ebay: https://ebay.us/96yF8R

I'll ever be enough... And Jesus always is!

I did something tonight that I wish I had done long ago in my mothering journey, I took some "mommy time" The verse that keeps coming to mind is about Jesus being the vine and we are the branches. Over the course of this week this has become so true. Tonight I began a book I am excited to get a hold of soon it's from Brook McGlothlin the Co-founder of Million Praying Moms. 

So our little family has expanded recently and being a mother of two is quite the challenge! At any moment either of my boys are sharing how unhappy they are about something in very loud ways! Having a newborn again is medicating to my heart! I love all the baby snuggles and times I'm able to help little Joshua through hiccups, sing him to sleep, rock him, see his beautiful eyes look up at me! There's nothing like seeing a new life right before your eyes! Often times I just catch myself thinking I'm so happy for a second chance at being a boy mom.

So this book I am reading is the Gospel Centered Mom. What does it mean to be Gospel centered? I can't give you the theological definition but what I feel for myself is that it means living as if the gospel really means something to you. If Jesus died for all of my sins and He Did, then how do I live and love like I believe it. No better area to test this out then in motherhood. Can I get an Amen? https://amzn.to/3gEO8ky

When I said I took mommy time I meant I took "Connecting to the Vine time" really. Over my faith walk I feel like God has dropped "downloads" to my spirit. These are the still small voice moments that are far and few between moments in motherhood. Tonight I had to give a time out rather then stew about how angry I was that "it happened again!" I opened up the book and actually for the first time in a while grabbed my bible and read from scripture instead of my phone! I feel like I heard God say do this every time you can and as often as you need meaning in those "I need you Jesus moments" that He will be there. That's what Moses learned as God was sending him to free the Israelite people out of Egypt. In a sense that's what I am learning now.

Doesn't the world kind of seem a little like Egypt? You can't walk down the street or on social media to far and not see some of the enemy at work. I feel like this has been a daily reality in motherhood. Some days are great no tantrums, no hard feedings, everyone seems to be getting along, we are making great memories. The next day it feels like a war zone. Actually this is really not all that different then everyday in my mind with diagnosed PTSD (another blog post maybe...) you know the days I am talking about, before you really are awake you're dealing with a tantrum, baby starts to cry, stress seems to be high, it's almost as if the air is just not there to breathe.

Being able to take a step back has been really helpful to me and tonight I feel like I finally said "Hey God I don't have this, but I know who you are, and who you've been in my life, so I'm coming your way." It wasn't super long but extremely refreshing to sit in the loving arms of Jesus if even just for a moment. This "download" is one I know I was supposed to have received so long ago and I am now in the place emotionally where I can receive it. I want to utilize this method every time and as often as I need. I know that I will never be enough and Jesus always is.

Listen for a second parents out there! We so desperately need Jesus and He waits ever so patiently for us to finally see that. I could have been super angry tonight instead I sensed a nudge to try a different approach. What a beautiful gift it is to have a constant companion, in our darkest moments, is always there. It's easy to miss that and I am really going to be intentional to not miss it. I hope you will too! Don't miss out on your ever present help in Jesus. No burden is to small or big for Him to carry. He loves no matter what, and He delights when we come to him for anything we need!

Praying that you are taking some "Connecting to the Vine time" also!

I love you with all my Heart
Tina Martina Putney

Gospel Centered Mom by Brooke McGlothlin https://amzn.to/3gEO8ky

Looking ahead...

It's really interesting when a show like Gilmore Girls gets you thinking... (Thanks Hayley for introducing it to me!) I'm watching Rory go off to college and of course thinking about what that could look like for our sweet family. Here's what I came up with...

Last night I had our dear friend over and Nathan and I shared our Wednesday night tradition family fort movie night! It's really not a big deal but absolutely my favorite night of the week! We take our two chairs throw a blanket over them turn on our "campfire" (which is really just a tealight candle) I make a bowl of popcorn and Nathan picks the movie we watch. Last night was the "funny horse" AKA "Tangled" As I sat there with my friend and precious son I couldn't think of a better way to spend our evening! I told Nathan it's something I hope that he passes on to his family one day! I'm most happy and creative when I'm around my kiddo. Please do not think I am saying our life is perfect. We have many challenging days but when I see the many beautiful moments we have been able to create together I know I'm right where I need to be!

So as we extend our beautiful little family I hope to really keep up the intentionality between both of our boys! As mama makes her way to our home and lives yet again in just a few days I also hope to include her on some much needed shared precious experiences! I can't wait for our pajama parties, family fort movie nights and all the immeasurable ways she will be able to help me as I raise my boys! This week my son had a full conversation with me on the phone that made me tear up (despite being 37 weeks pregnant :) I can't believe how fast he has grown in just 2 1/2 years! Last year he was just beginning to talk now he can have full conversations! It's truly amazing!

So thinking ahead... we are at the point of looking for preschools. Hard to believe our little baby boy is going to be three years old in August! I actually am looking forward to this change because I know the most important relationship in his life will still be that to him. Nathan and all our kiddos need us forever in different ways and to different extents but that need will always be there! I can't wait to see what this little guy learns and explores and really sets his mind and heart to. I always say he has a mind of his own and he's going to do some damage out in the world.

What I mean is in the vision of his birth God told me he was going to give Nathan the gift of Evangelizer and speak to many about his name. Anyone that has been around our house for nap time or bed time knows we sing him the same song every time "Jesus Loves me" It's the simplest way we can teach him about how much God loves him and someday my prayer is he turns that around and teaches someone else about that same love!

As much as I would love to keep him little I know the reality is that he needs to grow his wings and take off and fly. As hard as it will be to see him go I will never miss a moment that I won't be ecstatic to open up my arms and welcome him back home! I never want to miss a moment to watch him smile as he runs in for a hug, I never want to miss a moment to let him know he is safe, and I never want to miss a moment where he knows I'm safe to call, text, or just be around. The kind of open relationship we are working to establish is not something I know how to do yet I'm learning each and every single day a little bit more!

I'll keep you posted on our exciting journey along the way but for now I am more than happy to be my little guy's home base thanks to Jesus great love for me!

May you be blessed today though it may be rainy outside maybe your heart can have a bit of light shine through. God is so good! God performs amazing miracles in our lives and it's all because he loves us!

May you know you are truly loved, seen, heard and cherished.
I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney    

Seeing the old me

Before I say anything I want to be clear, I am not passing judgement on this mom. I do not know her situation, I don't even know her name all I know is she is the old me.

I took my son to our favorite coffee shop today for some much needed little people time and out of the house time for mama. As the time during our visit progressed I saw a familiar scene. A mom was trying to get her toddler, who didn't look much older than Nathan, to leave. As toddlers do, this little girl was having none of it! Mom was getting super frustrated and slipping into "reactive mom" quickly. All the while, the little girl was just happy as can be, running around the playroom and not following her mom's stern, "Get over here now!"

My heart broke for both the mom and the little girl. Seeing a dynamic like that at such a young age leads me to think about school age, and teenage years, into adulthood. You see, this was the parent I was. I thought my child was just supposed to listen and obey. Children aren't robots they're not designed to just follow our every command. They are so beautifully and wonderfully made. They have such amazing imaginations, kind compassionate hearts, eyes of wonder and awe that you just simply can't help but get lost in!

There will always be days that are harder then others around here yet my biggest and sincere hope for my sons is that they realize that mom is safe and can stay in control. As I say in prayer at times I didn't start well but I want to end well. When my children leave my home I pray that I equipped them for all I humanly could have equipped them for. I know that anything above that is not in my control and know that God will take care of the rest!

For this mom I hope and pray she has support helping her regulate her emotions and for this little girl I pray she is hearing messages of love, grace and encouragement of her character rather then attacks of it. Today was a good day! My son listened really well to me and didn't cause a big stink when we had to leave, or a friend took his toy, even when the poor guy hit his lip on the bench causing it to bleed! Another reason though and for me the best reason was my son kept coming back to me!

If you have been around my son long enough you know he loves to explore! He loves to run and his imagination is something that keeps a lot of joy in this house. He also likes to "check-in" often times you'll hear him calling daddy or me if I am not around, he'll come and show us his toys. My absolute favorite time is when he invites us into his world. We've done some pretty silly things to be in our son's world, but I find it such a fun place to be!

As we are about to welcome our second precious son into our family I pray this doesn't change! We've done a lot of work to get to this point as a family so from real life experience I can confidently say that it does happen! I love seeing my son be able to go out and come back in. I want you to have the tool that I had shown to me almost two years ago! It's called the circle of security and at any point our children are on one part of this circle. Again today was a good day! I believe my son was showing me that he has getting his needs met by exploring and then coming back in when he wanted to be close. It's a beautiful picture of the love we share with our Father God.

He allows us to fail miserably and doesn't say I told you so, just brushes us off and sends us out again. He waits ever so patiently for the moment we come back in! It's like he is this proud parent watching us take our first steps and then something scares us and we run back in. I want to be this for my boys! I want to be home base. I want them to freely explore their world and when they need extra love or assurance I want them to know I am right there to catch them. I won't always be able to be there but in the moments we get to share together while they are young I don't plan on missing an opportunity to.

I'm giving you permission that if you see me struggling to stay calm to look me right in the eyes and tell this mom her three favorite words, "You Got This" Bet you thought it was I love you huh? You got this, so simple but so profound and so necessary to hear. When we have a screaming toddler, cranky baby to grab and it's just us dealing with it all believe me we don't believe we got this. If you were to look at us and tell us you got this I bet that's all we'd need to be able to think of a game plan. It's when we don't feel we go this we give up trying to be stronger wiser kinder. This is my mission to look at a mom I see struggling and tell her the words that every mother needs to hear "You Got This."

Next time you see this all to familiar scene screaming toddler, or complacent school age kid, crabby baby one single mama trying to manage it all I hope you will join me in telling her "You Got This." Think of it as an random act of kindness that will speak volumes to any mama's heart!

So for any mama's reading this right now let me start YOU GOT THIS! I'm so proud of you for all you do to make your children be the beautiful people they are! They may not show you for a while or maybe even ever and you are a big reason that they are the person they are today. Give yourself ample amounts of grace on those hard days and know they will bounce back and so will you. You will try harder the next day and the day after that because mamas don't quit! And most importantly they need you so once more mama YOU GOT THIS!

I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

circle of security  

When we don't feel...

Often times we'll hear people say I don't feel... (insert your feeling here) I used to also respond in such ways. If I don't feel something then I must not be it. Let's take happy for instance. I used to think if I'm not smiling then I must not be happy and that if I was then I must feel joy. I'm a very emotional person and there will be times I will be crying but really am joyful. When I am in an intimate time of worship and God speaks something to me that only he can most often I'll be smiling on the outside while tears are streaming down my face as I sing. Why does this matter? If you'll forgive me to say I think we base our decisions on what we feel or don't. I feel stressed so I must be stressed, I feel scared so I must be scared. I don't think I can do this so I will give up before I try. Sound familiar? Yeah this was how I lived too for a long time. Then I realized something about emotions I hadn't before.

They are really important guides to our inner world. They tell us that we have an opinion about something but they don't need to dictate our actions. So being a stay at home mom again is about the most challenging role I have to play. There's days honestly I love it more then anything! Like when our son shares the new words, phrases he's learned, sings songs we sing together, watching him play. Then there are days story time is stressful he runs down the hallway at church and I just can't wait to Sing Jesus Loves me to him and shut the door and bid him off to dreamland.

I suffer with a lot of anxiety. What are they going to think if... what I also see is that half of the things I've worried about never happen. My three biggest prayers for my family is that we are happy safe and healthy. Happy doesn't always mean smiling, safe doesn't always mean avoiding another crisis and healthy doesn't always mean the next trip to the er. There are days my son's joy is evident he's laughing and giggling (two sounds I really adore!) Other days he's not as vocal, active, or adventurous but he's still happy. He is loved by his mommy and daddy and to him that's enough. Being safe isn't a life or death type of deal.

We have a roof over our heads and the protection of God and can rest in that! Health is something we never take for granted. We know there are a lot of families out there that are gearing up for the next doctor visit, chemo treatment, surgery, last goodbye or more joyous to think about first hello's as we are in about 2 months with our second son! My point is that these three prayers are being answered in our lives each day even if we don't feel them!

I know it's hard when you have a screaming toddler in your arms to feel happy or sometimes even safe. Yet the truth is you still are. When that little one soothes and lays their head on your shoulders the joy oversees the unhappy thoughts and feelings you just experienced. God is not punishing you if you have a difficult experience with your spouse, parent or child. It's the natural progression of life here after the fall. Life and feelings are divided up in moments we're not always happy, not always sad, not always mad in any given day we feel any one of these and so many more emotions and they are all ok! Just because we feel something it doesn't mean it's always true. Take a look at what 2 Corinthians 6 (MSG) has to say about this.

These guys had every reason to doubt God's love for them and yet they continued on the path he called them to. They poured their hearts into their work regardless of what response they would receive! God is good and He gives Good gifts to His children. He wants our full undivided attention much more then he wants our half-heart devotion. He is still Good even when we can't explain what he's doing in our lives, He still has the control even if our lives look out of control, even if our fairy tale looks nothing like the landscape we imagined it would be.

We're not always going to sing in the rain, or wallow in self-pity or run scared because our perfect sacrifice stood in the same shoes and yet prevailed and did not cower when he could have. In John's gospel account while he is about to be arrested Jesus has the command. He even arranged the meeting place. Anyone of us would have probably run but even in that moment he took command and requested the disciples would be let go. That's power! That is our example of how we face our fears not hiding behind a safe zone but with boldness and power head on! John 18: 1-14

Jesus felt every emotion we feel yet he rose victorious and is calling us to do the same! As we approach this Easter season I pray with renewed strength you will come to see the power in our Savior. It is because of him and He alone I have the strength and overcoming spirit to rise above all of the I feel this or I just don't feel this way days we experience far too often here! Even when I don't feel loved I know I am, when I don't feel safe I know I am, when I don't feel like a mom (those days come) I know I am.

Thank you Jesus for all you give have given and are continually giving to not only our family but prayerfully yours as well!

Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney