Being Chosen

So this has been an emotional week and it's really good! Last week was really dull and I found it really hard to want to do anything. On Saturday I asked God to refresh me and just give me a week where I am in His presence. When you seek you will find! If you have been around me long enough something you'll pick up really quickly on is that I'm a doer. I'm constantly moving and jumping to the next thing. That was not me last week. I cried after folding a load of laundry. I told my hubby that I was afraid of my own shadow. Pathetic yes but true last week. Needless to say this week is 100% better!

 I had a session with my individual therapist at Chrysalis and Tubman on Mondays. I participated in a 12 month program called DBT - Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I learned how to address my emotions and learned different skills to use as I processed them. They gave me a roadmap to what I could do to help get back into my window of tolerance. It's therapy where I learned mindfulness, emotion regulation, self soothing skills. For the first time in my life I was able feel all my emotions freely. For a long time I thought anger was a sin. What I didn't understand was that it's just an emotion, it's the aggression that can become the sin, or in my case reaction. So I always felt really guilty for feeling angry and at the same time. I knew it's just what I was feeling at the time and that is O.K. 

Tuesday I had a moment where I could have been stuck in that rut of not wanting to do anything again but I threw worship music on and it was quickly gone. Soon I was worshiping and loving again. So today I learned that I am chosen. This isn't a pride thing you are too! In my life 3 pursuits have taken place. The most important is God, second my mama and lastly straight from a promise from God was my third pursuit Zechariah! Over the course of my life God continues to remind me of these pursuits because I often times feel alone especially as a stay-at-home-mom. He did something even greater last night.

Nathan was with our neighbors for the day yesterday I saw him and immediately got excited. I asked our neighbor to see him and he looked at me smiled immediately and stretched his little arms out for me! These past few days have been so wonderful but that one has to be my favorite! There's no greater smile that I know then Nathan's. It's so joyful so full of life and I'm so blessed and honored to see it! My son chose me! He chose to come and get cuddles! My heart was overflowing from that precious exchange. Being a mother is seriously the greatest blessing and challenge! It brings me so much peace seeing him happy safe and healthy, my three prayer requests since I was pregnant! God wasn't done yet. He had more blessings in store!

Our family is going to blessed abundantly this Christmas season through unexpected ways. Seeing God's provision in our lives is so amazing! Ending out the night at a house church Zechariah and I attended during our engagement and onward. We have such amazing people in our lives! Last night was about revival. It starts with us, it starts with a few and spreads because where the Spirit of the Lord is how can it be contained!! So I got prayed over and received the spirit of prayer and I even was able to be an encouragement! Once again God showed me I was chosen to receive those gifts!

In my rough days and weeks I need to cling to the truth. It is that I have been bought with a precious price. We all have been. The enemy loves to play with our minds and when his arrows attack we have to go to God. I'm not saying this only because I'm Christian. I'm saying this because in my experience there is no other way! Healing is found in Christ alone.

Let go of any hurt that hinders your relationship with God, I have. Instead of emptiness he met me with fullness. He can do that for you also! Being chosen is a done deal all you have to do is lift your hands confess you need him and your HIS FOREVER! No matter what, no matter where you go He'll always be there. I want this so much for you also!

A prayer for you: 

Father, I bring before you any hurting soul that needs your refreshing power to sweep away anything that doesn't belong, that gets in the way of their relationship with you, may you be the center of their lives as you have become in mine! May your Grace and Mercy wash away every hint of sin and blot out iniquity. Cleanse this soul from within. May the cross become more then a symbol let it become freedom to be who we are called to be. Let us all with confidence approach the throne of Grace. Let your light penetrate any darkness or crack in a person's heart. Bring reconciliation where there needs to be, forgiveness, action, prayer, and above all may we bring you praise!



Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

In case you would like to begin with worship I suggest Kari Jobe She's Amazing!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huFra1mnIVE

The answers are all in there...

It's been a while and I feel like this is important enough to share so here goes! While doing my breaking free bible study I came across a page in my bible that really floored me! First off I want to say Thank you to First Free for allowing me to have served with the youth ministry for two years. I have stepped down for this year but thankfully I was given a student study bible. In a cheesy way it's like I'm still connected to the youth somehow. If you have the NIV version look up proverbs. 

In my bible there was a page with character traits both ones to attain and avoid. The book goes through just about every human dilemma. Anger was the first trait on the negative side. I know the bible talks about not letting the sun go down on your anger and all that but this seemed to be more real to me somehow. Seeing it listed as number one trait you want to avoid got me thinking about alot.

I have been an angry person, I'm not proud of it but it's true. I'm learning more and more about the person I want to become and who I want to leave behind. After reading the corresponding scripture I couldn't stop thinking about people in argumentative situations and how I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be self-controlled not letting my emotions control me. I want to use words that build people up not tear them down. Anger is a very paralyzing emotion to me. I'm thankful to be learning new ways to cope. I'm learning this for the first time. The biggest hindrance to this process will be not being patient enough with myself. I'm a doer I rarely can just sit and be still. Which leads me to my next story to share.

Sometimes God places us in situations we don't want to be used in. Sometimes what seems like a burden to us is actually all part of His grand and glorious design. Lately God has placed me in such positions at the same time He's ever present in all of it. A professional who disclosed she is Christian quoted scripture in a meeting. Be still and know that I am God. Even writing this I'm smiling. She was quoting psalm 46. I smiled at her because I knew what she was saying. The truth is it's really hard to be still and even harder for me to just be. I'm sure I'm not the only one that's felt like this. As I write this a song keeps playing in my head it's beautiful lyrics and touches on the very concept of being still. I encourage you to check it out!

To just be, means to accept myself the way I am, not being where I want to be yet but moving ever so slightly forward with every step of obedience. I must accept myself for the reality of who I am. We all do and I'll be the first to tell you it catches up with you big time if you don't. So I'm learning to just be. For a doer this is torture! They constantly want to be doing something! They define a worthy life by doing something worthy! That was me for the longest time! Still those days threaten and the effect they had is starting to break hold. For the first time in a long time I'm able to just be still and know the He is God and He is good!

I'm not alone, you're not alone, we're not alone. We have a high priest that can sympathize with us as he's been through every heartache and pain ever endured by a man. If I keep my focus on Jesus through this life then I'll be able to walk on the water, think about Peter for a second walking on that water. He knew this was impossible he expected to sink right away when he touched the water but miraculously his feet touched the water and they didn't sink. Phew that could have been embarrassing he may have thought. Then he stood on the water imagine his confidence I'm walking on water!! His mind was screaming to him. Then he saw the lightning and immediately started to sink. If our focus is on anything but Jesus we too will sink. I don't want to sink. When Jesus calls me to get out of the boat I want to step out on that water. How about you?

"Be still and know that I am God!" Psalm 46:10

Be Still and know that I'm here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5PgheXxLqQ

I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

Oh Beth you've done it again!!!

What makes you beautiful? What makes you feel beautiful? A lot of things make me feel ugly, unclean, just messy but I can't keep to myself what I learned again about what makes me beautiful. It's a lesson I learned a long time ago but it's time for a refresher course in beauty 101.

I am once again a part of a Beth Moore bible study and I absolutely love it!! I'll be honest I haven't picked up the study in a few weeks so I'm still in week 6 but I love what happens when I reconvene!! God shows up mighty through his word! Join me as I take you to Psalm 45!

Imagine the scene with me, it's a wedding party getting ready for their bridegroom! It's rich with beauty and love! Let me just share a few verses.
Verses 8-11 read as such
8"All of your robes are fragrant with myrrh, and aloes, and cassia; from palaces adorned with ivory the music of the strings makes you glad.
9 Daughters of kings are among your honored women; at your right hand is the royal bride in gold in Ophir.
10 Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear:
Forget your people and your father's house.
11 The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." (NIV)

Wow! I'm not sure there's more beautiful and poetic words to describe the love God has for His children especially His Daughters! We live in a really dark time in our history, the moral lines we used to hold dear to are becoming more blurred, government doesn't operate for the people's best interests (sorry for any that feel strongly different about this) I mean in general terms. And what's worse then the image and exploitation of women? How refreshing it is to come across this passage this evening!

I plan to post this is in my son's room as a reminder of who he is and there is nothing he can do to make himself worthy of the King. He already is chosen we all are! Listen, O daughter, I actually read this passage to a friend I was speaking to on the phone I couldn't keep it to my self! So hear your King! He loves you and he sees you! He sees the parts of you you're trying to hide and he reveals them not to shame  you but to let Him be glorified through you! He makes us beautiful NOTHING ELSE! Sorry about the caps but I feel the point needs to be pretty boldly stated.

You cannot earn your way into God's heart. He already holds you dear! Another powerful revelation I had today was a moment when I visualized the cross. Anyone who knows me will tell you that's a big deal for me. I was the only person hysterically bawling watching Passion of the Christ once with a group of friends! I think I understand why now, I still find myself nonredeemable. I still can't really believe he did or would do that for me. There's always someone more worthy and Godly then me in my eyes. So the cross is my proof that he went toe to toe with death itself for me a sinner in need of his powerful life changing grace. 

Beth was talking about the sprinkling of the blood. Picture this if you can, Jesus hanging on the cross, the crown of thorns on his head, blood dripping down at the foot of the cross. The people most near to the cross would get sprinkled with the blood. "O precious is the flow that makes me white as snow." How I long to be sprinkled by that blood! Then I remember I was!! I am redeemed! We all believers have been redeemed! That blood flows for you and for me! Christ can not be consumed he's come to consume us!

So a month ago a lot of things changed but now a month later I'm seeing a beautiful hope like I didn't ever expect to see! God is in the process of letting our dreams be fulfilled! Zechariah is going to be helping out at his old internship with a radio station in the cities. I may be back to work soon again! I couldn't honestly say I had a great attitude to all this but today changed my perspective on who I am and what makes me beautiful!

Sisters and Daughters of the King you are beautiful, nothing on this earth makes you this it's a supernatural kind of thing. Men you are honorable and respected nothing on this earth makes you this way it also is a supernatural thing. The next time you see an image of a women I want you to remember who you are and respond as such. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be renewed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 Also this will be helpful "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things." Philippians 4:8-9

I will be the first to admit humility is not easy, but it's necessary. So what makes you beautiful? The question isn't what but it becomes who and who indeed...

All my love
Tina Martina Putney

God's amazing provision...our next adventure!

Wow! So when I say God is good I really really mean it!!! This week has been a tall tale sign why! I didn't think this could happen so quickly but after yesterday I've come to believe that nothing is impossible with God! Would you join me in our celebration as we open a new adventure while closing another?

Zechariah and I have been planning on moving back to WI next spring. We wanted to help with this youth season at our church in Minneapolis. We were actually going to be youth leaders together! I was so excited that we could finally share our experience together instead of just me filling him in on mine! So we met our new youth pastor and were pretty positive this was going to work out! God had other plans!

Our home church in Eau Claire needs youth leaders badly so we were willing to sacrifice our Wednesday dream of being youth leaders in Minneapolis and be in Eau Claire Wednesday nights but still be able to minister on Sundays and host game nights movie nights what have you. Then yesterday happened that made it abundantly clear God was up to something heavenly!!

I was playing candy crush when I heard God audibly say "look up the YMCA". I lived in Chippewa Falls before and worked as an afterschool teacher at the Chippewa Falls YMCA. I did and I got to that program found out everything looks much the same! Then I heard "Call this number." I did spoke to the coordinator of this program and just by chance asked if they were hiring. They are!! School starts next week and he needs to fill the spots!! Since we've been talking about moving back to Chippewa I couldn't get the YMCA out of my mind! I wanted to be back there so badly! It gets even better though! I looked up the apartment complex I used to live at they just happen to have a 3 br 1.5 bath available September 15!!!

This all happened in an hour! Then I connected with a friend and mom that lives in Chippewa we already have play dates in mind! Today as if he couldn't bless us more I found out that we will save $200 on car insurance by simply moving to WI!! Last night however was my most true confirmation.

I have an adopted daughter. It's actually a funny story we declared this to be before I even let Zechariah know! Last night I went to her house and dropped off a notebook as a communication tool between us! My friend said "she was telling me she woudn't have left if you had no one to be with." she looked at her and said "yeah I could totally see that, she would do that too." I finally feel that it's ok to move forward with the move. She's going to be ok! There's a phrase I've been saying this week but last night I quite literally felt it. It's like I'm passing the torch onto my friend. She now gets to love on the kids that I have cried for, over because of for over two years! I couldn't be more thrilled and settled. So what does this mean? We're going to be having a welcoming party at our new place in WI soon and we're hoping that most of you can come!!!

As much as it grieves me to know I will be leaving I can see that God is truly in this move! He already has a friend in mind to welcome me back! I also have references that would gladly help me get the position at the Y but also help with the rental. Here's why I'm sure it's God. He's been answering every desire of my heart!! Every single one!!! I wanted a garden all my life. It's a bit disorganized but I got one this summer! I'm excited to get plants and keep them outside at our new place! I'm so excited to decorate our new home!! Please keep us in your prayers as we close this wonderful chapter of our lives and enter into a very new and beautiful one!!!

I'm going to miss everyone God's brought into our lives in Minnesota so very much! Life with you has been so wonderful! Thank you for loving on us throughout our relationship. Thank you to all the wonderful baby sitters we had watch our precious baby boy this year you set my mind (as much as possible) at ease. Thank you for the coffee dates, bible studies, play dates, worship, housing my mama, provision during pregnancy and afterwards! The list goes on and on but I just want to say thank you everyone for making our time in Minnesota the best it can be!! I miss you already!

So for the youth reading this... in life there will be many opportunites to settle for second best my advice from the bottom of my heart is DON'T DO IT! God has marvelous plans for you if you just hold on and follow his prompting! Believe me he's shown himself faithful every single time!!! If you learned anything from me in my time as a youth leader I hope and pray it's that I didn't settle! I told that to my now husband the night we met officially. (that's another cool story btw!) I love you with all my heart and want the very very best that God has for you!! I would hate to hear you settled for anything less! Love your parents because someday you'll understand the power of their protection! Give grace with no limit Christ did it for you!! Above all YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE OR ACCIDENT! You dear ones are world changers!! Let no one disqualify you to what God has called you! You are just who God wants and needs to make change happen!! Whether you know it or not you are loved beyond measure (not just by me btw). I pray God's best for you this year and every day! Love you and will definitley miss being with you but we'll be one text, letter, phone call apart!

Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

They still tug...

Between 4 days of teething, a migraine and crying myself to sleep last night I'd say this week was a bit of a roller coaster. In all of the chaos this week I'm learning something eye opening about family. This week I definitely felt at the end of my rope as a friend and I call it hurricane Nathan blew through (proof by the toys everywhere.) Something else I learned though was these little ones still tug at the rope. Even while I'm holding my head and praying to get rest Nathan kept bringing me toys to make sounds for him. It's been an exhausting couple of days. So If you're wondering why you may not have heard from me that's why. I'm just trying to keep it together.

Today's lesson talked about pride. So I have some confessions to make. I don't know how to be a family. I'm to busy trying to keep it all together and figure it out by myself that I get shocked when at the end of the day when all I want is rest I have more demands to fill. It sounds logical that when you have a little one at home that demands would be just about constant. But when you're at the end of your rope the last thing you want is another tug. Some days I feel like I have so many roles to fill that I almost justify my right to be to tired for anything else. Being a mom is really the most exhausting experience I've ever experienced but I can't hide behind that. As goes the saying in show business the show must go on.

I'm not good with stress or anger. These are most likely the cause of my migraines. I felt one coming on yesterday but once I'm stressed I don't know how to calm back down. There's several potential breathing methods I could try and have even going to the chiropractor has helped  but once I get really stressed I'm at a loss of what to do. These are my hardest days as a mom. It's these days more then usual that Nathan likes to tug at the end of the rope or I notice it more.

A friend once told me "you're most scared of what you want the most." This is so true for me. I desire a family but I'm scared to have that family, I desire friends but I'm scared to have those friends, I pray my son remembers the good days of his childhood but I'm most afraid of him remembering the blowups I can't forgive myself for. It's a vicious cycle I can't seem to break. The good news in all this is it's not me who has to break the cycle.

I'm probably always going to struggle with these areas in my life but what I'm excited to see is the struggle can become less. Instead of struggling to have a family I can learn to embrace them as much as I can this side of eternity. I'm learning a lot about my perceptions of what a family looks like and in some cases how wrong I've been. Through this bible study I'm learning to see myself and those around me for who they really are. We're all imperfect but God's chosen to show who HE is. When I realized that even when I'm stressed with my toddler son I'm still bringing glory to Him it was overwhelming! See it's Jesus who can break that cycle and He Alone! I believe God used this week to teach me a lesson of dependence.

As much as my son depends on me I need to depend on God that much more. What he showed me this week has been a challenge. The way I see it though is if God reveals it then he has a purpose for it. I'm looking forward to embracing those God has called me to relationship with. I'm going to try my hardest to not have it all together or appear as if I do, (who really does have it all together?) Please keep this process in your prayers if you would, I'm not really sure what to do with it yet. I believe that I'll be shown the next step once I need to know. God is so good! He can take a broken vessel and use it for His glory.

So if I seem distant and you haven't heard from me in a while, it's because I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure how to communicate these feelings yet. I feel a lot more comfortable writing them down and having you read then me have to reach out and tell. This is another thing I'm working on. It's ok to ask for help sometimes it's the only way to freedom. When I thought of getting married I thought it was 2 people living together, making a life, but still being two separate people.

But God sees marriage so much deeper. He desires that two become one flesh. This means everything the spouse has is yours and vise versa. I'm also learning what this really means. With a spouse comes the family. For someone to be thrown into family it can get a bit scary but I know if God placed me where I am he has a purpose who knows it might be just to learn more dependence he brought me where he did. I will never really know or understand this side of eternity but it wasn't random or by accident.

Where you are is not an accident, where you've been is not an accident it's all apart of God's plan for your life! Even the crazy moments that make it hard for me to trust God why he placed me where he did are not a mistake. So when I'm struggling to find the words I know that this too shall pass. God has revealed this truth to me over and over again. I believe it's in our biggest struggles that we find beautiful fellowship with our loving Father. Though we can't always understand his ways His ways are always the best ways.

Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

Blessed to be a blessing...

After this morning I think my post is taking a different direction! Well I'm really excited to share blessings upon the Putneys we've experienced over the last few days!! As I went outside this moring to do my bible study a bag was on my steps. It was a bag of groceries from Aldi. There was no note and just happened to be what we needed. So whoever was lead to bless our family this morning thank you!!!!

Week one has been pretty emotional not necessarily because of the material but because of a lot of outside events! It was our sweetie birthday week!!! I have been looking forward to his birthday for quite some time and his parties!!! I was really excited to celebrate our boy! I feel pretty sure he felt loved this weekend! The pictures speak to this! But something I had not expected to feel was grief. In the middle of all the excitement I had a very big struggle with my family.

My mama lives in Bosnia. She lives with Ostoja my step-dad who stood outside to make me cevapcici in the rain when I came to visit. I think he loves me just a little ;) When I met my mama for the first time it was surreal. Finally I'm staring at my mama, finally I'm able to meet mama and freeze time for just a moment and get lost in the fact that she does exist. But then the moment is over and reality sets in. Skype becomes our primary contact again and spotty internet makes that difficult as well as time zone difference. So on Nathan's birthday we went to the airport to see the planes land and take off. It was so much fun! He had a blast but I realized that I missed my mama.

I would see all these planes coming and going and would just think someone is on there way to see someone or back from seeing someone. Mama is just a plane ride away. Let me just make something clear about my mama. She left when I was a month and ten days old. I hated her pretty much all my life. When I was almost 23 I said that I didn't need her again. On my 23rd birthday God changed our story through facebook. My mama found my picture and that's how this whole think began!

So last week was filled with a lot of emotions. Between excitement and grief I was an emotional roller coaster! As I looked at the planes overhead I was praying that if it was God's will to put me on a plane to see her that he would. Just last week I told Zechariah in hysterics that I couldn't wait another year to see her. She has never met Nathan in person. I want to have her experience that with all my heart. Here's what I love about God! He does fulfill the desires of my heart.

Talking to my mama about our weekend she dropped the bombshell on me that she is coming to visit me in January 2016!!!! I still am in shock! Just a week ago I was crying and praying that I could go see her and God had it planned all along that she would come!!! Our story is not the most beautiful or even understandable (language as an example) but I love my mama! My bestie took a picture of us when we went wedding dress shopping. Mama said she would buy my dress and I kissed her on the cheek in gratitude. Those are the moments I want to experience again. From no relationship to distant relationship to one month of close relationship again my excitement just can't be contained!

So this post is near to my heart because time and time again it's rang true. We are blessed to be a blessing. My mama was blessed with money and the first thing she did was buy a plane ticket!! Without question this is going to be a huge blessing to us even though it'll be cold and winter outside. I'm constantly trying to find ways to be a blessing to others. Over the course of our marriage I've witnessed both sides and I couldn't be happier. It's what we're here to do! We're here to show the love of God.

My mama blessed me and is currently, Jesus blesses us eternally. If not for the cross we wouldn't be around to talk about it!

May you see the blessing you are to others and be blessed to be a blessing!

Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

We're there when it matters most

I've been meaning to write this for a while now just didn't think I had a complete thought yet. As we all know all good things must come to an end but somethings like lessons learned stick with us hopefully forever. The lessons I learned at the close of my study of King David left me speechless. David wasn't always there for his family but what really resonates with me is that he was when it mattered most.

Solomon was an inexperienced and young King. He needed a lot of help from wiser elders such as David. Although David wasn't apart of family functions much growing up I think we can all agree that Solomon could say that his dad was there when he needed him most. Think of the emotions that must have been swirling through his head! Will I be a good king? Will I be victorious? Will I do right in the eyes of the Lord? Will I know how to judge properly? Mainly am I ready? And so on and so forth. Have we had any of these thoughts before I'm sure if you apply these questions and doubts to your situation you can say honestly yes. I think the crucial piece here is that someone believed that he could and so they made it their mission to prepare Solomon for his kingly duties.

I just think this is so beautiful! I often times didn't understand the reasoning behind David's distance but regained my respect again towards the end of his reign as he took the steps to establish Solomon as king. I love legacies! I love making them, I love learning about them, I love learning about the marks someone left behind. David's investment to Solomon didn't just impact his generation it also impacted his grandson's. Solomon advised his son against certain actions to keep his son blameless before God. Instead of a distant legacy Solomon passed on the wisdom to his son! Can you see why I find this so beautiful??

As a mother I get what it's like to pray earnestly that my child would have better then I did. I also get how hard and taxing that sometimes can be. As this year of motherhood has come to a close I welcome all the lessons I learned and am anticipating the many I have yet to. The most important that I feel reflects parenting to me is I'm there when it matters most.

We just finished swimming lessons last week. Our little man loves the water! He loves to splash in the tub, loves walking in and out of the pool, he's an all around explorer. One of days we were trying out the frog slide. I saw that he was scared but I kept telling him I was right there ready to catch him and I was! I won't always be there but when he gets scared he knows I'll be there with him somehow. The second time we tried the slide I decided to go down it with him. This seemed to go a lot better he enjoyed it more I think. The last time we tried the slide he climbed right up the stairs and as I went to the bottom of the slide I was met with a big huge smile. It's as if he was saying "I'm ready mama!"

Honestly the thought of swimming and going underwater scared me. But each day I got a little bit more comfortable with it and by the end of the week both Nathan and I were enjoying ourselves. This was one of the times that I think he'll remember as I was there when he needed me. If someone were to ask Nathan what he remembers the most about his childhood I hope and pray he can something like "well I didn't have perfect parents but they tried their very best to be there for me and show me that they loved me" And that is my goal for the rest of my life to never stop finding ways to show him love and be there when he needs me.

So we celebrated Nathan's birthday tonight. I wanted to make sure we did something extra special, something that Nathan would remember for a long time. He loves airplanes! Fortunately we live by the airport and see them fly by quite often. So we went to watch airplanes take off and land. We had a lot of fun!! Grandpa David came with us too so it was even more special! Seeing the joy on his little face made the effort to see planes so worth it!! Hearing him make his happy noises is the delight of my heart!

I know he's happy and tonight we let him experience a dream fulfilled! In Love Dare for Parents it talked about children having dreams buried inside that are just waiting to be fulfilled. From that day forward I knew we were going to see planes on his birthday! I just knew he would enjoy that experience!! We were right and it made my heart leap for joy! Once again we were there when it mattered most. I'm now starting another Beth Moore bible study with some wonderful woman and friends! It's Breaking Free. Apparentley it's quite a powerful one as even Beth herself completed it!

I'm really excited for this because I know God's going to do some big changes in me! I'm so excited for strongholds to be broken!! I'm not always going to enjoy the process but I will love the end result. It's true that everything worth having is worth fighting for. I'm learning that every day! Some days are certainly better then others as a stay at home mom but I wouldn't trade anything to miss any of these moments with my son! It's so worth every sacrifice to see that smile and hear that giggle and get those cuddles!!! As more breaks off of me I pray that frees up my emotions and mind to be there for Nathan. Again it's another opportunity for him to say I was there when he needed me the most.

In our family we teach intentionality. We love people, we love being with people, we love making memories, sharing life with others, exploring our interests together. We pray that every time we are with someone Nathan sees how intentional we are with them. One day he will model the behavior he was taught and I pray that we are showing him how to love and forgive and give grace. That's what Jesus does for us! One day he'll be called to live like Jesus and I pray that he's been seeing Him all along as he watches us! When all is said and done I hope he can say "they were there when I needed them the most."

I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

Solomon is King!!

I love traditions!! I love making memories with family and friends that we do repeatedly. I long for a tradition that goes for the rest of my life!! My husband and I have a really sweet tradition we do every Christmas visit. We go see the lights at Irvine Park. This year we have an even sweeter reason to participate. Our little sweet boy Loves lights! This morning he smiled at the lights that came on in our van! I'm hoping these will be sweet memories for him! King David also participated in beautiful traditions! One was at the appointing of King Solomon to his throne!

He had King Solomon mounted on a mule. In historic times such a tradition meant the leader took a servant attitude to the people. The mule had a wreath of flowers and a drape around it (thanks to Beth Moore's bible study!) Here's what kind of got me about this... how many kings before participated in this tradition? To me feel tradition is something I can't wait for it to be "my turn" With my family I'm the "tradition maker" and I love it!! What would our world look like if we had such an honor for traditions? I think that's why I love pictures so much!

Just like traditions they tell a story. I love museums too! I love learning why things are the way they are. If I were there in Israel when King Solomon was appointed King I think I would have a huge smile on my face! There's something that's so beautiful about following an ancient custom that I just love! I would love to go to Israel someday just to look around and see a place with such rich history! I would really love to take a tour and see where the Apostles started the church. This last spring we watched the show A.D. on NBC. I thought it was so cool to see what the environment looked like or might have looked like and who the Apostles could have been. Things like that fascinate me!

I think traditions mean more to me though. Why would anyone do something over and over year after year? The only response I can give is that it's important. I guess to me traditions communicate "you're important enough to establish memories with." So now "it's my turn" and I want to make as many memories with my family and friends as I can, because to me you are important enough to make memories with! One of my favorite memories we make are game nights! We have one coming up soon hope you can join in on the fun!

It's just so fun to laugh and get together with people we care about and just be us. Whether that's silly, competitive, direct, opinionated, sleepy, wired, squealing with delight. These memories to me are golden! We're just people with a lot of the same struggles, desires, and aspirations, but in the hours we play together we just kind let it all go and have fun! I'm so happy to have married a man that likes to have people over just as much as I do! We really do make a good team!

Throughout life we'll all have plenty of opportunities to reflect on memories. When I do I want to have many about the lovely traditions we've established for our family! I want to know that most of my time wasn't spent alone or just on my corner of the world. I want to know that I made a difference in other's lives. I want to open up my home to family and friends so they can feel welcome to share and make memories too! If you've been to our home you'll see a lot of pictures. I often look at them and remember what was going on in my life when these were taken. This is the most beautiful part of my life and you'll be able to tell by all the pictures documenting it!  I hope and pray we can make many beautiful memories together! When you need to remember something pleasant I hope you can say it was a time we spent together!

I love you with all my heart! May you make beautiful traditions and memories with your loved ones!
Tina Martina Putney

Making memories with heroes...

Never have I understood the word hero until recently. Superman Spider man even the hulk can be everyone's dream to aspire to but I think a hero is one that goes the extra mile for others. To me that's Jesus! He forgave the worst sinners at no cost to himself. He willingly and obediently took the death on a cross to bring us home. Look around our world today who would do that for us now? Whose your hero?

Last weekend we drove to Wisconsin to hopefully become someone's hero. Whether they'd consider us this or not is not what I'm after it's the fact that we practiced Jesus self-sacrificial love that matters. But let me back up a little bit to Thursday. We met my dad for lunch for the first time in three years.

From previous posts you know that we have had a very difficult relationship. After an almost three year drought of communication God prompted me to reach out in love. This was not an easy thing to do but I learned the meaning of 1 Corinthians 13 through this process. Love keeps no records of wrongs. So as I was getting ready to me meet my dad God relayed this message through a hero of mine! A fellow youth leader and I were talking about this during our retreat and I'm so glad we did because it put me back on track. I was able to focus again on showing love. but what is love?

No hallmark explanation here, to me it's going the extra mile or as we like to say in our home "going first" The lunch with my dad was as example of this. As I reached out my hands to my dad I raised my hands to Heaven and they came back to me in surrender. God had planned this all along. But because I went first I'm able to receive his blessing even if it looks scary or anything but at the time. The blessing is in the surrender! The real gift is the submission to God's will for your life! That's the only time in your life that you will ever feel you are doing the right thing. I know, I just experienced this! Only when we submit to God's will do we ever feel truly confident we are where we're supposed to be. But it's not easy and God never said it would be! It wasn't easy for Jesus either! But instead of keeping records of wrongs he extended his hands to his enemies raised his hands to Heaven and the answer was complete surrender. Because I was able to practice God's self-sacrificial love to my dad I was also able to show it to a dear friend.

My friend lives far from us but we drove to and from lifest all weekend! It was a great lineup especially Saturday night! From Matt Maher all the way to Skillet we were bound to have a great time!! As Zechariah was working stage crew he text me asking if there was anyone our friend would want to bring and immediately I thought of someone. So Zechariah and Nathan went for a drive and picked up this friend. Why did they do it? We were practicing Jesus self-sacrificial love! Luckily our car was a rental so all the driving ended up being fine but honestly that's not what we were thinking about. We were thinking about the memories being made! Instead of our friend going home the next day and just trying to explain her excitement over seeing Skillet live for the first time we wanted her to share that experience with someone special!! Hopefully what we communicated to her last weekend was there is nothing we wouldn't do to show you we love you!

Gas and food is not cheap but sometimes God hands you his will on a silver platter and it's up to you to accept it or reject it. To accept it would mean possible hardship on you (more like guaranteed) but the greater reward is the people he wants to reach through your obedience. To reject it means you're choosing to focus on yourself and take the easy way out (which is Satan's choice). I hope that in my life there's several examples I can point to that shows the first response. I know you'll catch the negative reactions and responses but in the end of my life I want to be someone's hero who pointed them to the true hero Jesus Christ!

Whose your hero? Are you somebody's hero? I'm sure it's hard to see by the depiction of heros in our culture but I'd say if you're in the trenches for anyone and for God you ARE A HERO!

I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

A lot of firsts and overcoming fears!

Rock Ridge was amazing for so many reasons the most important is the fact that I could even go! My youth group was taking a 5 day camping trip to northern Minnesota and I didn't think I would be able to go but I signed up just in case. It was a much needed vacation indeed. If you've been to the boundary waters you will love Rock Ridge! From Saturday to Wednesday I challenged myself, tried different adventures and hung out with amazing youth and adults! It was a once in a lifetime kind of week!

Saturday we got to Rock Ridge in Ely MN to a very happy group of leaders. We were on a bus for hours and we were all tired but nonetheless we were out on adventures right away! The first experience was zip lining! I and a good friend of mine were pretty scared to try it at first but finally we ended up going for it! I was terrified and literally felt like my body was in shock when I climbed up the bridge to jump onto the line. Petrified I asked the guide a few questions and finally just jumped. I went from terrified to gliding through the air. It was great! I was zooming but I think I've had enough of that thrill to last me a while. I'm not a big fan of heights! The whole time though I was safe even if I was in mid air. The next day we went dog scootering! If you have never heard of this we used huskies! I kept telling people they made a dream come true. I love huskies you should ask Zechariah how much sometime! He'll tell you some funny stories!

So we hooked our huskies in front of a scooter and took off on a trail through the woods! My huskie was called T and man he was just crazy. Like Nathan he just wanted to move! Every time we stopped or slowed down he would get so antsy to keep going. I even lost control of the scooter a couple of times! Not going to lie the hills were not fun and downhill was scary! Again I was safe there was plenty of people there to help out should anything have happened! That afternoon we went tubing down the river. It was fun and relaxing for a while but then I was getting bored. Sitting or laying in a tube for hours doesn't sound like my greatest version of fun! Tuesday we played Canoe Olympics and they were so fun and intense!

So I learned how to paddle a canoe! I never had the pleasure of paddling one before and definitely freaked out the first time I was in it but after awhile it was pretty great! We played games with the canoes, tipped one another, played tug of war it was really great! All of the above adventures I've never done before. I didn't know I could do half of what I did in 5 days! This week was in my opinion all about overcoming big fears! One of them being leaving Nathan for about a week for the first time.

Of all the awesome experiences my favorite have been hearing that Nathan did just fine this past week. He's walking and it's just amazing to watch him learn all these new things. While I was gone and couldn't provide for him God came through just like he said he would! To those that graciously watched my little man this week I'm so eternally grateful! You taught me a very valuable lesson. Nathan would be just fine without me. He would grow, eat, play, sleep because he's a baby that's what they do. But this week I have been praying so much for God to move and he has in really big ways!

He showed me I have nothing to fear. From zip line, dog scootering, tubing, paddling a canoe etc. God's hand covered it all. He also showed me that I don't have to fear the youth and leaders I serve alongside with. I was able to open up to a lot of people and it's been amazing to be able to trust. Trust doesn't come easy for me as I'm sure is the same for many others. To trust people with your heart is a very beautiful thing! I think everyone may have one friend like that!

Recently a beautiful friendship has developed between me and the leaders that I feel has been 3 years in the making! Through my car accident God has really knitted us with Lisa and is deepening my friendship with Felis!! During the week both Felis and I felt we needed to stay back at camp instead of go with our group. The most beautiful conversations happened! I'm so shocked we had things to say after hours of talking. I'm starting to understand this is how relationships and friendships are supposed to work. When Zechariah and I first started dating I was anxious to know how we could find anything to say to each other after spending so much time together but God always came through! Our last day at Rock Ridge I was really torn! I wanted to go home but I didn't at the same time!

All week leading up to Rock Ridge I said I was going to have a terrible time because I was going to be crying a lot over missing Nathan. I did miss Nathan immensely especially when I saw the 11 month old!! Somehow though God came through and made this week so wonderful and I learned so much about myself through it I  just didn't need to! What I thought going into this week didn't happen! God had other plans and they came through and I ended up forming relationships that I want to keep deepening! My prayer is that we would all give up our plans or expectations and take on God's! When we do suddenly what we thought would happen is the farthest thing that does!! The greatest shock to me though of all is the meeting I'm going to be having next week!

In Altoona we are going to have lunch with my dad! For the first time in 3 years I feel ready. The last time we saw each other was July 30, 2012 in a courtroom. Please for those that pray be praying for us as we meet. Pray for the atmosphere and conversation to be exactly as it should be! 3 years ago I signed papers that cut any communication and now we're meeting face to face! I can't equate this to anything but our wonderful and great God! Last week has been one of those weeks I want to remember for a long time!

I want to remember the relationships formed, the conversations had, adventures took, food ate, times with God, and last but certainly not least the absolutely beautiful scenery!!! If you ever have a chance to visit Ely, MN it's so worth the drive!!! Thank you to everyone that's made our stay so great!! I'm so looking forward to visiting again next year!!!

God is great that's about all I have to say!

I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

The power of words... they can be beautiful!!

So this week God really has been teaching me the power of words! It's so great when people are in your life that pour into you rather than pour out of you! This week was certainly a lot less emotional then last week was and I think my body is calming down. Last week I couldn't stay asleep as soon as I was up for a little bit I stayed up the rest of the night. Let me walk you through my week.

This week in my study was a great one for King David! He displayed so many wonderful and virtuous traits that I hope I can exemplify! David was concerned about God not having a house or dwelling place. He sent Nathan the prophet to him to tell him what he needed David to remember. What was communicated to David is just beautiful! In 2 Samuel 7:1-17 God lets David know the promises he has for him. Imagine being David for a second, from shepherd boy to King of Israel! My what a transformation don't you think! When God transforms a life he doesn't just make it better he makes life great but not easy! God gave David many promises that day that all David was allowed to do in response was worship and thank His Heavenly Father!

David's family rejected him, his brothers despised him when he came to help them the day he beat Goliath. This doesn't disqualify him to be chosen by God it has the exact opposite effect. God accepts David! He promises to keep his throne established forever! That's quite a promise, but it's nothing to God! He loves and accepts us so much and he just wants to have a relationship with us. He wants to be our Father and we His children. I don't think there's anything more beautiful than that! When we experience the Father's love for us we can't help but want to share it! David welcomed Mephibosheth to be his son!

David the King was lonely and wanted to show God's kindness to someone and his heart rested on Mephibosheth! He is Jonathan's son but David adopted him as his very own. He told him that he could always eat at the King's table. In the olden days a lame crippled individual was not seen very highly in society but that didn't disqualify him to King David! It doesn't disqualify us either when we're to weak to stand, to weak to walk, to weary to even praise his name, he loves us so much more! Here David is restoring a life to someone society casts of as reject able. By his actions and words David restores dignity to this son and adopts him into his family. Again how beautiful! Unfortunately there was an incident that cost a lot of lives the key factor was the power of persuasion.

The Ammonites led their King Hanun to believe that David's act of sympathy was only a decietful attempt to spy on his nation and bring war upon it. Scripture tells us the truth but when you're listening to the enemy's council it's hard to decipher truth from lie. So Hanun had David's men humiliated. I couldn't imagine how ashamed these men were! To the Jewish culture a shaved beard was gross dishonor. King David devised a plan for his men to stay in Jericho until their beards grew back. Not only did David still accept his men by giving them a chance to come back and protecting thier dignity. He also fought for his men. He joined the battle against the Ammonites. David took up his men's cause! Last week in tears I said "God I know you'll take up my cause." He did and He always will! I experienced many beautiful and powerful words this week that have helped me to see words can be beautiful indeed!

A pastor, youth, family and friends all stepped up to the plate this week to provide words of encouragement, wisdom, love, affirmation, trust. It was just beautiful to be the recepient of loving words! After last night though it became so much more then words! I was able to see the power of God's protection! On my way to bible study I got into an accident. I'm not sure what happened but I was going through an intersection and a car was coming in the opposite direction we collided. The airbag deployed and was smoking it was scary. As this was happening I got to witness God's protection.

A couple from church were the first people at the scene, they were there talking to me and comforting me. I was crying and my friend gave me a hug. Thier son called the police and told them to come right away. They stayed with us until the police left. I walked home with Nathan and friend while Zechariah drove the car back home. Just a few seconds earlier I dropped Nathan off at home for dad to take care of him so I could go to my bible study. I had no idea what would happen a few seconds later!

My car looks terrible right now! More importantly though both me and the other driver were not hurt, my son was not it the car, and we both have insurance. What really shocked me was that people from our church showed up to help! I never want to be in an accident and I'm not sure my car can take another but for what I was able to experience from it I found it kind of beautiful all at the same time. I walked away from an accident without a scratch and my hubby was able to be with me afterwards as it was really close to home!

This week has been amazing, challenging, but beautiful all at the same time. Experiencing the power of words is amazing but even more then that, the power of God's protection! Life could always be better but then again in one second it could always be worse! We have such an amazing God! He loves us at our best and at our worst. He doesn't disqualify us when others deem us reject able, He restores our dignity and fight our cause, and He protects us when we least know we need Him to! I love God with all my heart and I want every breath to be for Him! If it's not I think a great tragedy would be my life! I've faced near death several times now and in every instance the power of God shines through! I pray that it can also for you!!

I love you!
Tina Martina Putney


Just so you can see what my car looks like and how good our God is to protect me and my son from injury!!

Devestation to celebration

I recently went to a celebration where the person didn't feel celebrated. It was really hard to watch. If there was ever a time I would have wanted to be around to see it would be when the Ark of the Covenant entered the City of David! There was such celebration, dancing, music, shouts, I can just it now! There's just one problem the reverence of the Lord was still being missed! Not even on this joyous occasion was the item of celebration truly celebrated. That's the last day of this week's study but a whole lot has happened this week I'd like to share.

Sunday God prompted me to write an email to my dad. I didn't know why I was writing it I just obediently wrote it. I got a response on Monday. It wasn't pleasant. I must have not communicated my intent somehow but what came back to me was not what I was expecting. I waited until my hubby Zechariah came home because I did not want to read the email alone and sit with the response all day which I would do so many times before. What I read devastated me, my dad completely missed the point of my email and once again my heart was rejected. There's never been a more painful relationship in my life!! Tuesday I posted on facebook a status that recieved a comment from our family friend. We arranged to talk on Tuesday night at nine.

Tuesday night I was at Communitas with baby boy and after I left I called our family friend. I prayed for insight to my dad that I didn't know so I could understand him more. What I heard shocked me! My dad misses me!! For 3 years we have barely communicated and when we have it hasn't been pleasant. But to actually hear that he misses me was a complete shock!! To be honest I miss him too! I hope you read this post dad because every word is right from my heart to yours! I love you!

See I love my dad so much he's a great guy, he provided for me, gave me a roof to sleep under, sacrificed a lot, miss our jokes, miss his laugh, so miss seeing him smile, but what I don't miss is the hurtful communication. Now you're probably thinking maybe you shouldn't be writing this on the internet and share this personally with your dad but what I want people to understand is you can show love to people who have hurt you. You can miss them even! What you don't need to do though is believe everything they say about you! I have heard so many hurtful things from this man but I love him so deeply that the pain I've endured only makes me want to love him more! Thursday is a day that I don't think I'll ever forget! I think that's when the "dam finally broke" so to speak.

I was supposed to go to the park with a very good friend of mine from womans bible study but we cancelled because of rain. I didn't want to stay home while I had the car so we went to the zoo after lunch. I didn't know if we were going to waste enough time (although no day with my son is a waste!!) before we had to pick up Zechariah from work. As I was leaving Como zoo I just started praying to God about how thankful I was about our wonderful time at the zoo! I started thanking him for my beautiful son and how precious he was. Then I started thinking about my wedding day and how beautiful it was and for the first time how beautiful I was. That's when it hit me.

All my life I never felt or heard that I was beautiful. Before I get fire thrown at me for this I want to say this, I often would get told ways I could improve my appearance and all I wanted was to be accepted for who I was not what I looked like would that be fair to say? Would many of you agree that you'd like to be accepted for you not what you look like? So realizing that I was beautiful if even for a day was heartbreaking. I can't look in the mirror and say I'm beautiful. This week God has blessed me with many friends who have called me beautiful. To you I say Thank you and I love you! I sobbed more then I have in a very long time. I was to the point of hysteria. When Zechariah got in the car I crouched to fetal position and fell asleep. I just kept saying "Jesus" "Help me to see how I'm beautiful."

I share this very vulnerable moment with you because I think it's so crucial to our walk with God. I literally cried until I couldn't anymore! I want my dad to see me as beautiful not because I want to be prideful about it but because I need to have confidence in myself. I want to say this; dad if you have seen me as beautiful all along then I'm really sorry I didn't pick up on it. But if this post is true then hopefully you now understand how deep those comments about my appearance cut. We have to cry out to God in our anguish because he alone hears our cry!! He certainly heard mine that day! Friday was a great day with God and many revelations were shared.

My good friend invited me to her house for lunch and it was so needed. Baby boy was very very busy and not staying very still but I was able to enjoy my food! He got pretty fussy and was communicating he needed sleep. As I was dealing with baby boy's energy I heard God say to not push and if he wanted a nap let him take it. The moment came at about 12:30 so I made the decision to go back home and get him to sleep. He fell asleep in the stroller!! That small act of obedience was blessed with an afternoon nap for us both and more time with God for me! I thought nothing of what God told me that morning but when the moment presented itself I knew what to do! I'm so thankful God directs and leads me so directly! So this week in my study has been pretty charged.

Saul and his sons die, David takes the throne over Judah, suspicion takes over in leadership but David is calm, David is crowned King of Israel but the last day was the best I think! I got so much comfort by it and perspective into my current situation. The Ark of the Covenant returned to the City of David!

Like I said before there was dancing, singing, shouts of joy, all of Israel was celebrating! With such a joyous occasion nothing could be wrong right? wrong! Uzzah touched the Ark and he died right there! This account makes God seem a bit harsh but he is not in the least! God is not harsh he is Holy! The Ark was supposed to be carried in a chest, but the Israelites transported it the same way the Philistines had before. How sad that not even David himself thought to revere God properly! However the biggest realization came with Michal daughter of Saul.

David expected celebration when he returned home! Look honey I brought the Ark of the Covenant home let's be blessed!!I can almost hear David saying that to Michal. What he met was condemnation and contempt. During a celebration Satan threatened to turn David's joy into bitterness on "rain on his parade" so to speak. David wouldn't let him! David responded much like what I would have wanted to so many times! Now I know that this will be my response because God IS WORTHY to be PRAISED!

This week has been very challenging and very difficult! But I've been eating sleeping and breathing Jesus and it has been so life giving! I pray that when we go through these rough seasons that God is our rock!! The song I Will Not be Moved by Natalie Grant is my theme song as it describes exactly what I feel now. Listen to the truth piercing through these lyrics! They're so beautiful!!

If no one has ever called you beautiful I want to tell you are, if you have never felt celebrated I want to tell you are so immensely so!! If you feel alone and misunderstood I want to tell you Christ is the solid rock on which I stand all other ground is sinking sand and to not be moved!!!

I love you!
Tina Martina Putney

I will not be Moved Natalie Grant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyEMJBhCtU8

Week 4... A week of much humbling...

As the title suggests this week has been humbling. During this week I learned a lot about life in ways I didn't think I would. The most important lesson I walked away with is life doesn't go the way you plan or expect all the time but it shouldn't take your happiness. Let me paint a picture for you of what I mean.

This week I focused more on what I didn't have then what I did and it took a tole on my attitude big time. I was not very pleasant and pretty isolated. I realized that I was built to help others this week and often times I feel like I'm not able to do that outside of my family. It shouldn't have made me upset with my life but honestly sometimes I just feel empty. I feel like I'm always searching for the next thing. The answers finally came towards the end of the week. If you're willing to, walk through my week with me.

Following last week's train of thoughts about being jealous of my husband about things he has I kind of left myself defenseless so to speak. It was a dry time with God I didn't really spend a lot of alone time with him and rarely prayed. I felt I had a right to be upset with him because his plans weren't exactly what I had in mind for my life. So instead of being honest and letting him know I just kind of "walked away" That's probably the biggest mistake we as believers can make.

 We completely leave the enemy room to pour his lies into our hearts and minds. I'm not proud to admit that was the result in my life this week. It ended up being for nothing because God's plans are way better! But in a way the enemy looked bigger I looked and felt weaker and God definitely appeared distant. All along I knew the solution was just waiting for me to recognize Him but I just avoided Him pretty much all together. I grieved when I realized what I was doing.

See when we want something to look a certain way and it doesn't for me it's like a knife to the heart. It feels like my dreams are dashed to pieces and my heart is busted wide open. It's devastating so much that it throws me into boats of isolation. The way I can explain it is I don't understand so I really don't want to understand anyone right now. Can you imagine being a man who wants intimacy with a woman who just wants nothing to do with you or anyone for that matter? Not the greatest version of myself by any means. But then I went to joyful noise with hubby and baby and something in my heart seemed to shift.

Matthew West who's so fun live by the way was talking about his song forgiveness. 11 family members pleaded for a guilty man to be free sooner to live his life, instead of holding on to their grief over the death of their beloved they chose to forgive. Wow! I had a moment where I said if they can forgive like that it's time I "forgive God" of course I am the one that needs the forgiving and grace right? So I started talking to God again suddenly things felt a lot better at home and in myself. A weight was lifted and I know who took it off of me. So about helping people it just so happens God has something in store for me after all!

I'm going to be helping our church's nurse ministry visiting home bound members! I'm really excited for the conversations that can take place during these visits and what God's going to do in my faith as I open myself up to be his hands and feet! While I was looking on one side of the mountain God had blessings pouring down the other! Pray for me as I begin this new adventure and especially that I may be a welcoming presence in these families lives! David is a prayer warrior and I was struck by how much strength he had in his God even through the crazy set of circumstances he was facing.

They were talking about stoning him because they just lost everything wives, children, livestock, homes. An entire village burnt to the ground. But David didn't lose faith. That's so amazing to me that he had that much assurance which I seem so much to lack! David and his men chose not to react out of emotion. Much unlike my choices this past week. But in the end God's promise still stood. David was not stoned and in fact remained his men's leader and gained more loyalty. I think this is a great example of how our victories are never easy. David had to fight a 24 hour nonstop battle with the Amalekites. So how can we expect our battles to be any less difficult or trying? But what really got through to me was at church.

The message was really what I needed to hear. We are the laborers not the architects. The work continues with or without us. God is the one that does the miracles we are his vessels or as my new favorite expression of the Christian walk says: hands and feet. God uses people to perform the blessing. It's all over scripture! In this particular example I would say it's the fact the man were able to come to a reasonable response that was the blessing. It's God's protection but David's men are the vessels. One moment he's threatened to be stoned the next David and his men are pursuing their enemy. A practical story that I can give you in my life is when we had $400 worth of parking tickets!

Newly married and living in Minnesota life was pretty good. I was at a camp in Wisconsin with my bestie and Zechariah was at our apartment for the week alone. We started to accumulate parking tickets because of expired tabs. I bought the tabs before I left but they didn't get mailed to me yet. When I got back to Minnesota I showed them evidence of the purchase and every cent was dropped we didn't pay a cent!! It was God's blessing but he used a person to do it!

In life there will be times of doubt, fear, questions, but one question that doesn't really need to be asked is does God care. I think he answers that question throughout all scripture but mostly in our lives. This week has been humbling and caused me to examine my role as a parent, and spouse quite a bit. I'm so happy to not have it all together and I'm so thankful for God's grace to allow me to walk away but always allow me to come back! I love seeing God's handiwork in my life. I pray the same goes for you!

Thank you for continuing on this journey with me friends and family!
Love you

Tina Martina Putney

Week 2 David study

Wow! This week was challenging painful but ended up being beautiful! Have you ever said the phrase "I'm so jealous!" usually it has something to do with someone doing something you want to do but know you can't like take a vacation or they have something you want but can't have like a new car. This phrase I've used many times and I usually don't really mean it. But day two of this study hit me pretty hard.

I've been jealous of my husband for the course of our relationship. I was a little anxious to write this post because of having to admit that. 3 years ago I responded to a question if I was jealous of anyone and I said yes. Zechariah was on a mission trip during the summer in South Dakota with youth he was also settled in life until August. I on the other hand was living with his mom not working and not settled in life in fact it was the hardest part of my life yet up to this point. I responded that he got to do what I wanted to do for that summer and that he was settled until August. 3 years later I'm ashamed to have to admit that I still have been jealous with what my husband has and I don't family to visit, job, and being settled in his calling. So what has Saul taught me this week?

Saul taught me the most important lesson, love overpowers jealousy. In one of the readings Saul sends men to Ramah to capture David but they all prophesy instead. Finally Saul himself goes to Ramah but the same thing happens to him! That's so amazing to me for a man that had evil plotted towards David, God was still able to break through and provide protection for David and Samuel. His Spirit even touched Saul to have him act in obedience to what God wanted for him. God still wanted to act through Saul though Saul wanted only to kill David. Throughout this week God has been doing much of the same with me. He's bee showing me how blessed I am. Sometimes I just need to see it to believe it's true. Words are great but sometimes the only thing that matters to me is the action, which my husband knows all too well of.

So this week I haven't been able to talk to my mama and it was really hard. We go through stretches of time where we can't communicate, life gets busy, internet doesn't work well enough, etc. but this week was like a knife stabbed in my chest because I found out that I can call people and hear them but they wouldn't be able to hear me over skype. All week I was trying to figure out how to talk to my mama. My step dad (Ostoja) had a stroke again while mama was in Slovenia visiting my younger sister and I just wanted to know that everything was ok. I felt like I couldn't do that. I ended up just giving up on trying to figure out my laptop and put skype on my phone. I finally got to talk to my mama a few days ago. I learned the hard way to just put my faith in God for the blessing of having her in my life.

God started showing me his love this week through the stress in life. Our sweet little one has been sick this week. I took him to HCMC clinic twice but they didn't know what was causing his infected looking eyes so they gave me prescription for him. Now as I think about it teething was most likely the culprit. So it's been a stressful week at home trying to talk to my mama and dealing with sick child. But meeting with friends and being able to drive a spiritual daughter to camp was the break that I needed. I started to see that everything I've been jealous about God was answering through the stressful parts of life. He is always faithful even if faithful feels like forever!

We were with my in-laws this weekend and it was really a beautiful time! Great grandpa finally got to meet his boy! We got to see both mom and dad and spend time with each family. As I sat with my family I felt God's love answer the hurt I've felt of not having a family. This is my family and I love them so much! My favorite people to be around are those that love our son! There's no doubt in my mind that God gave me the right crew! So love took over and jealousy no longer has to be present. I'm sure I'll feel jealousy rise up at times but it's not an emotion I need to feel when I see how blessed I am. I wonder what Saul's life could have looked like if God and he had that conversation.

Last night us 3 stayed at a hotel! It was nice to just unwind from a busy weekend and watch A.D. on t.v. instead of wait for Monday. Nathan was really fussy over tired and teething so it was really hard on us both. Jesus spoke to me about focusing on loving his children during the night. I've been praying for him to show me how he handles stress and he told me this was another way. As I was reading Matthew I saw that the miracles he performed were his greatest work because they showed he loved his children. Every healing miracle he performed he did because it was the best for the person and he loved them more then to keep them in their condition. As I write this I'm thinking about those that are living with constant suffering with their health and bodies and I hope and pray you don't feel upset about your life in any way the resurrection changes everything!! Maybe not on this side of eternity but you will be healed your needs will be met!

So I started out not wanting to do this study after day two and in fact I avoided it for days. What I saw and learned about how Jesus handles stress has changed the way I see his miracles. And him showing me how blessed I am changed my attitude towards my husband and family. I found a new love for them as I am grasping that they are God's blessing to my life! Instead of wanting my family (mama) who I still do want in my life of course, I accept the one that is right in front of me and has been for all along this journey I've been on. They took me in when I had no one else I'm forever grateful to the Putney and Dulian family! It's an honor to be a part of a great family line! We'll have our differences at times (what family doesn't?) but I love you all so much words don't even begin to reveal the gratitude I have in my heart for you all! Thank you for being a wonderful family for our precious son! It's another reason I love you all so much!

It's been a challenging painful but ended up being a beautiful week! I'm looking forward to next week not as excited with week one as this is not an easy journey but I am anticipating what my heart will look like at the end of this journey!

Love you with all my heart!
Tina Martina Putney

Week one

Wow! This week has been eye opening and I was expecting nothing less! From the sheep pen arose a shepherd boy that later would lead Israel as king! If there's any story in the bible that brings me encouragement as I wait on God it's this one! The least likely to be chosen is the one God chooses! Just like us, we're the least likely to be used for God's purposes but God will choose who he sees has the right heart! I love that! Reading about Jonathan and David's friendship too is touching.

Jonathan is willing to lay down his life for David. His wisdom also passes Saul. When he eats honey and his father wants to put him to death he shares how his eyes brightened. He shares how much better it would have been for his fathers men to eat during the preparation for battle. I'm also struck by that. A youth has more insight into situations that an adult didn't see coming. To us it makes sense for soldiers to be well nourished for battle, but in the olden times when the king's word was what you went by it was not to be questioned, but I love how God uses his son. Sometimes the younger generation can surprise you. I know I'm often amazed at the energy and different opinions they bring to life! I love being around them! God called me to be a youth leader and it's my heart passion to love these kids as if they were my own! The second day was really powerful to me! It was talking about Saul disobeying God.

Partial obedience isn't obedience! Saul's life makes me so sad. A chosen king disobeys God and makes God grieve! I can't imagine what God grieving looks like or feels like but I can only imagine that it must be heartbreaking! When I read these words my heart breaks! Saul was the people's choice. They kept asking for a king to rule over them so God gave them Saul. We soon realize that there are major character flaws in Saul and the biggest is pride. After "destroying" the Amelikites Saul builds a monument to his honor. He completely missed the point of the mission. This wasn't Saul's mission it was God's and he was given specific instructions which he didn't follow through on. That's not something to celebrate. Unfortunately Saul was never taught that partial obedience isn't obedience. He tragically finds out the consequences of his actions. The most scary thing to me in all of scripture is the verse where the Holy Spirit leaves Saul and an evil tormenting spirit comes to replace it.

Today the mark of Christians is the Holy Spirit. Could you imagine life without Him? He wouldn't be able to guide your decisions, path, convict you of sin, or protect you from harmful consequences. To me there's nothing more frightening! To not be directed by God through this life is a dark place that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Saul closed his heart and mind to God the day he chose to honor himself rather then give honor and glory to God. But God still had a solution for this mess and that's where the story becomes beautiful!!

That same shepherd boy that even his Father Jesse deemed unfit was the one Samuel annointed as king!! Imagine being David for a second (perhaps we all are in some sense) just doing your everyday life and then God reveals his plans for your life and they're far greater and bigger then you could ever dream! That's what happened to David that day! He was annointed King over Israel chosen by God and his name became great! It took a long time to get there but God used the shepherding life to David's advantage in many ways in life! I love picturing this! There's Samuel standing before Jesse's seven sons and none are the choice then David comes and God says to Samuel "Rise and annoint him he is the one!" God was waiting on David! How beautiful that is to me! So many times we feel we need to wait on God to act when he already has and is now waiting on us! He didn't let Samuel choose the "obvious choice" He has him wait for David. The annointing ceremony must have been so beautiful and I'm so glad it's recorded here!! God taught Samuel and the same goes for all of us a very important lesson.

Man looks at outward appearance but God looks at the heart. We know David messes up but God knew his heart beat for him and that was enough! We already are enough! We have been bought with the precious blood of Christ! Everything is secondary compared to God's love for us! We can't out love God and no matter what as his Child we can't run away from it! When we see "not going to happen" God sees "just waiting to happen!" That's so encouraging to me! I don't think there's a greater gift then to be chosen by God! Thanks be to God that we are loved so much even when bad things happen that we can't explain or understand he still has a plan! His choices are not random or haphazard he knows exactly what he's doing ALL of the time! David was the right choice for so many reasons! The beautiful thing is we are too!! The greatest reason of all is because of our precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Talk about facing your giants Goliath didn't seem like one I would have gone up against! David had such confidence that God would deliver him into Israel's hands and he did not dissapoint!

With a single shot David defeated a giant that easily could've killed him with one blow of his weapons. David's weapon though is more powerful than anything we may ever hold on this side of Eternity! God fought for Israel that day so long ago and he continues to also today. Maybe you're following up on the news but I'd say God is still fighting just as fierce if not more for his people. More and more Christians are dying for their faith daily! David could easily have died that day by worldly standards he didn't stand a chance against Goliath, but the fact that he beat his giant proves that God is indeed involved in our lives, circumstances, he sees what we're up against and if we have faith he'll deliver he will never disappoint! It's been a great week! I can't wait to share this journey with you! I hope you'll enjoy the trip back in time through history as you read these blogs and allow some familiar stories to teach you new lessons that will help grow your faith as it is mine!

Looking forward to next week!

Love you
Tina Martina Putney

David... A man after God's Heart

I love David, yes he made a lot of bad decisions but he was surely a man after God's heart. This morning I reopened a bible study that I participated in 3 years ago. When I was still attending our home church and living with my now mom-in-law I participated in this study. I remember how much I enjoyed my daily lesson and the many conversations I had with Zechariah on the phone while he was in South Dakota. I think that study got me through many days of being lonely with my new boyfriend 2 states away and living with his family who I barely knew!

As I opened the first lesson it was interesting to see my answers. I also found it really interesting that I didn't feel I needed to add to my answers. I don't think I ever seriously walked with God until that summer. My heart was coming alive in ways I never thought possible, but there I was in the backyard just learning about David. I remember so many times just sitting at the table and seeing David as I read the scripture. It was so exciting to me that I couldn't stop talking about it and I couldn't wait to tell Zechariah about what God was showing me!

For one David was a warrior. He had troops to command. More importantly he sought out God's direction for his battles. Psalm 89 is so beautiful to me! You hear God speaking in it. That floored me I didn't know God spoke in scripture turns out there's a lot I didn't know and still don't.  He swears by his holiness that there will be an heir always on David's throne and there is Jesus!

David has taught me and still is teaching me to be after God's heart. He's also taught me the tragedies of life and poor decisions. Something that always scares me is the thought of experiencing the Holy Spirit leaving me like Saul had. I don't think there's a more frightening place to be then when you're fighting against God and his favor does not rest on you. The Old Testament is full of examples of what happens when people forsake God it's just scary plain and simple. You don't want to be on the other side of God's Holiness. I know I don't! Because of Jesus we now have a guide a counselor an advocate that convicts us of wrong and propels us to do right.

Take a look around at the world today does anyone disagree that things are a little messed up? To me nothing would be more frightening then to not have the Holy Spirit guide me through it all. I love being in God's word and then I love being able to act it out! I took the picture as is because my name tag was on the cover of the book.

3 years ago I was unmarried, just found myself in a relationship, getting rooted in scripture, and dealing with the most difficult time of my life. I like to remember where I came from only so I also can see where God has brought me! I'm so excited at the journey God has me on! Everyday is a new adventure, a new lesson and now an old study returning. I don't believe that being a Christian should be boring. I believe it should be exciting and a daily renewal. How would you act if you knew for certain you were saved? For me I would take risks, speak truth, and above all love with the love of Christ.

I'm finishing a book about this very mindset and I'm really excited to see what new adventure awaits for me this time as I embark on this journey again! If you have this book and would like to join feel free!! I'd love company! If not it's great! Scripture really does come alive!

I love you
Hope every mother felt celebrated and loved on yesterday! It's an honor and joy to be a part of the amazing work of motherhood!

Tina Martina Putney

I'll never understand it

There are moments that are etched in my mind and heart forever. I don't have pictures or videos of these moments but occasionally they play in my mind when I'm sleeping or just thinking about my son. One of these moments are when it was just us three in the hospital.

I was in my husbands arms and our baby boy was sleeping in the hospital bassinet. I remember like it was yesterday. It was quiet and I was thinking how can it get any better then this? Another moment is when we brought him home and he was sleeping in his pack-n-play. He started stirring trying to wake up. It was so comforting to me when he communicated his needs even that early. I was so scared about SIDS then. Sometimes I still miss hearing him wake up in our room. Another moment is rocking him to sleep.

We had a 2 am wake up recently those are not common at our home. Nathan has been sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old! Between full diaper, teething, and waking up in the dark he decided it was time to wake me up. Normally I would do everything to get him to go back to sleep to get him to stop crying but this morning I used a different approach.

I found the Love Dare for Parents and I know my son probably wont be able to comprehend half of what I'm supposed to do but I feel there's no better time then now to show him his value so hopefully he'll feel it for all his life. At the same time it's amazing how much this little guy has picked up in his short life already! He doesn't want to be left out of anything! He fights sleep just so he won't miss out on any play or family time! He's not even nine months and he's trying to walk! With how much he is learning about his world everyday I want him to know he is and feel safe.

So I grabbed the teething tablets, picked him up out his crib, and held him close and just calmly and softly talked to him and told him he was safe. I kissed him and sang to him. I keep telling Zechariah this but I will never understand the power of motherhood. How a crying/screaming infant can just quiet down almost immediately when they go to mama's arms I'll never be able to explain. There's such a beauty to being a mother that all the dirty diapers, runny noses, teething, tantrums, become worth it when they stop fighting and just let go and drop back to sleep. When they feel safe enough and they need nothing more and are content just to rest in your arms. It's so awesome when you run through the "mom checklist" diaper changed, fed, changed clothes if needed,too cold, too hot, hurting, sleepy and you get it right. Of course a few seconds after I put him back in his crib he popped back up and started crying but a few tries later I got him in the crib and back to sleep without needing to feed him.

That may not sound like a lot but I've never had a midnight feeding that didn't require the feeding. He was secure enough to go back to sleep without needing to be comforted to sleep with milk. I think that's awesome! This week at our Early Childhood Family Education class Nathan crawled to the other side of the room like he always does to go play with toys, other babies and climb up to other parents! He's not afraid of anyone! Our facilitator told us to wait and see how long it took for him to look back to "check-in" with me and Zechariah, he didn't! He kept playing and just focused on his toys! In the smallest way he was communicating he was safe and secure in his environment.

This is a beautiful thing to me! My son feels safe in his family and environment! He doesn't have to live in the fear and hurt that I did growing up. God not only changed the landscape of my life, he changed the landscape of my son's too! I want my son to have a beautiful story. It would break my heart if he would have to say that he learned what he shouldn't do. I'm learning so much about being a mom everyday. Everyday is a new day! He's learning more about his world everyday and the most important lesson I want him to learn is he's loved and valued.

The most beautiful thing though that I've realized is though I'm supposed to be teaching him Nathan is really teaching me. He is teaching me patience, love that I could never have dreamed of, faith, hope, endurance, how to never give up. No matter how hard things get no matter what struggle we'll go through I will never give up! I will never stop trying to show him how thankful I am for him, that he's made me such a better person in every single way. I know it's hard to raise pretty much a mirror of you but the greatest reward is seeing God take what you are and making you into what he wants you to be. I'm finally accepting God's plan for my life in regards to family.

So as I'm learning how to be a mother I'm also learning how to be a daughter. I finally can say that I accept my spiritual father as the father God has brought into my life to be the father he chose for me. I've called him dad for over two years now but it wasn't until recently that I finally stopped fighting and just let go. I learned to rest in my Daddy's arms while he gently brought me to the man that not only walked me down the aisle but welcomed our son as his grandson. He opened up my heart in ways I never knew could or believed could happen. Sometimes the family we're born into make our lives more difficult but God can bring out his perfect plan regardless. Do you see how beautiful this is? A mother is to teach her child but the child ends up teaching her, all the while the mother is learning to be a child.

We're never too old to learn how to be a child. In fact we can't enter Heaven unless we come like a child. As a parent I need to be a child so much more! There's days I feel like no one can understand how I feel my dad will call on those days. God knows exactly what I need and you and exactly how to make sure you receive it. He gave me a dad a husband and a son that I love to no end. He loves us that much! He wishes for us to receive every blessing he has for us but we have to become like children humble and willing to give up our plan for our life and dream with God. I don't know how I could have ever lived anyway else.

Being a mom is the most beautiful painful challenging thing I've ever experienced but I'm so thankful for this journey of motherhood. I'll never understand the power of it. It's the most real and supernatural love I've ever known. I know that however closer I feel I'm getting to understand how to love Nathan God has infinite wisdom to show me how to more. He provides what we can not. We're not perfect but God doesn't make mistakes when he gives our children their mothers. The only time a mom ever stops being a mom is when you give up. I know what's at stake if I give up so that is not an option.

When you feel run down, tired, worn out, overwhelmed, stressed, broken, wounded, battered, anxious, fearful, done, angry, discouraged I know it's tough to want to do anything but there's so much blessing coming to you if you don't give up! Never give up! There's so many people that need you. I pray you can find out your worth in the Father's eyes as you look into the eyes of your children. I pray that His love pours into you and you can joyfully pour it into them!

Praying for you mothers who are fighting the good fight everyday for your family!
May you know how cherished and treasured you are!

Love you
Tina Martina Putney

The Cowboy in me

Wierd title right? You're a girl you may be saying. It's ok it'll all make sense soon (hopefully)

If you see what Zechariah has been listening to on spotify it might surprise you. For work he can't listen to Christian music so he listens to country. However the playlist he made was really for me or that's what it ended up being when I started adding all the songs I liked! One song though in particular resignates with me. Before I listened to Christian music I listened to country alot! I loved and still do the older Tim McGraw stuff, like the 90's songs like my best friend, she's my kinds rain and the cowboy in me. After a vision I recieved this morning I felt I needed to listen to it.

When you get past the country part it's actually a beautiful song. He talks about the urge to run the restlessness the heart of stone he sometimes gets I'll spare you all the lyrics but encourage you to listen sometime! So last Sunday I shared my testimony at church (March 8th). To my complete surprise people are still thanking me for sharing! I threw away the testimony paper as soon as we got home. I thought ok I did it now I'm done it's all over. Silly right? You're never really done with what you experienced in life or are experiencing. But the cowboy in me wants to just move on and forget.

I don't like to admit it but if I can be honest I'm not all that great at loving people God brings me. Without him I would be downright terrible! I'm so glad I don't have to try and figure out how to do anything on my own. So he gave me a vision of my heart this morning. I've been kind of angry lately and not the greatest company and I didn't really understand why until this morning.

I saw my heart but I also saw gaping wholes. It wasn't complete. I didn't want to admit it but going through my testimony showed me there's just wholes that are still there. Old wounds that never had the chance to mend. I also learned that I could still grieve over my past. I literally thought I had no right to grieve over something that happened so long ago. What God has been showing me is that those pieces of my heart will never be filled with anyone or anything but Him. I try and eat food I like, that doesn't help, try and talk to my husband about what I'm feeling, that only helps so much then I get mad again. I actually just sat and let God just hold me and say it was ok to grieve.

The cowboy in me says I don't have time for grief life is going on and I have to go along with it. What happened though is my heart turned to stone over the last few weeks. It's been hard to really let my husband who is such a wonderful support in because I didn't trust God with it. Listening to Tim McGraw just describe me so perfectly in that song helped me understand why it's hard sometimes for me to feel and display love. The inner cowboy in me says I have to stay strong and not fall apart. The cowboy in me doesn't admit the gaping wholes in my heart and that they still hurt. The cowboy in me just thinks and says oh well I guess that's just how it is.

God's not ok with that and in fact breaks the cowboy in me by showing me what I'm running from. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to adequately express with verbal communication what I can through writing but I'm usually thinking deep about things hence why I love my hubby so much! I found someone to talk deep with!! He's seen the cowboy in me and what I look like when God's working on my heart. Thank you honey for always standing by me through the good and bad times of me healing. I love you!

It's ok to grieve, you're not crazy, to emotional, you're hurting and that's ok. Praise God if you're not hurting in anyway but the more accurate reality is we're all hurting or waiting on or about something. Grieving is actually a beautiful thing. The cowboy in you will tell you that's not true you have to be strong. God says grieving makes you stronger! It's ok that we don't love perfect all the time in fact it's pretty much always expected. We're human and can only love with our human selves but when we go to God and ask him to show us his love that's when our just enough becomes great! We can't do it by ourselves. We would get offended way to easily and destroy all the relationships God wants us to retain for growth, friendship, accountability etc.

The cowboy in me doesn't see God's handiwork in all the relationships in my life. I'm not saying that I won't ever let that cowboy out at times I'm sure I will. What's most important to me now is that I see God's work in my life. If I can see it I can believe in it and trust that he'll find a way through anything I find to difficult to do on my own. I know scripture says we walk by faith not by sight but lets face it that's really hard! So I'm asking God to show more and more of himself in my life and he faithfully answers. I love having a God that's not only my Daddy but friend, and delights in giving me the desires of my heart!

We all have a little cowboy in us, we all have a little bit of a rough exterior trying so hard to guard a sensetive interior. We can totally guard our hearts and we should certainly, but I'm seeing the need to let God do the fighting for me. Instead of me fighting everyone and everything around me that wants to get close I let God slowly open me up a layer at a time. The cowboy in me gives way to the daughter in me. I want to be loved just like everyone else. And that's ok.

Love you
Tina Martina Putney