Warning this may ruffle some feathers if you read it, I'm OK with that, because the reaction I just had to what I finally discovered has to be shared. You might want to grab some Kleenex because as I write this I'm sniffling. I have a question for you. What do you think of when you think of God protecting you? Do you know what I think? I think about my dog. This may sound strange to those that don't know my story. To those that you do it's just sad. See God has been so real in my life that when that truth of I will protect and provide for you is challenged I challenge right back! This all happened after a dispute with hubby this morning. To understand a little bit more of why I believe what I do, reason why I reason, live why I do read on.
So a long time ago God audibly spoke to me one day. I as you recall have been diagnosed with PTSD, one day I kept hearing my dog yelping, this just awful scream that pierces my ears. When I began my work with Mom and baby I mentioned my ears alot. I didn't understand why that was significant and I now discovered that the scream in my ears has always been there it just got louder after the birth of my firstborn. Can you imagine living with a scream that is ear piercing and then be alone with a teething crying baby? That was my nightmare for a year! I love my boys! My hard to handle boy keeps me seeking out new options for how to parent out of love not fear! And to be brutally honest the first year of his life was a nightmare for me.
When my dog let out her bladder at home she would get pulled sometimes dragged to the spot so she could smell and see what she did, then she would be hit repeatedly. All I could do was watch. I almost numbed from this but something made me watch and feel her pain. Now I know it was going to be how God would show me his protection. I would hold her and just cry to her "why?" "Why do you do this?' "Why do you let him hurt you?" Being a dog I am not all that sure she understood. Now I see I didn't either. She was a springer spaniel welsh beagle mix. She had black dots on her nose, wavy ears and a tail that we didn't get cut, so one day she was mistaken for a bear!! I hated so much when she did something wrong at times I didn't want to tell him either. Please don't ask who the him is I don't want to point fingers... they know who they are... I felt like I was the reason she was getting ill treated. That actually turned out to be true.
So every time I heard her scream in pain was another time I didn't have to. The scream was not something I could have forgot even if I wanted to. I get why crying has been a trigger now... you may be wondering why am I writing this publicly... I guess I feel that if my story helps just one person see Jesus in my life then it needs to be shared. My intention is not to blame or shame but make Jesus famous!! He is the real hero in my life! The champion and the perfecter of my faith! He has been helping me find my voice!! This is one of the ways he has given me to speak! So I share...
God has always protected me and provided for me, so when this truth is challenged I challenge back. It's so real to me to see God as my protector that I just can't see anything else. He's provided for me so much that worrying is just not a part of my make up anymore. Last week at church I was anxious. Right then and there I prayed for Him to calm my anxiety. Within seconds I was mindful and present in the Sermon and was able to focus and participate. See my theory is when worry arises you pray.
Jesus tells us not to worry and so I feel if God himself is telling me not to worry then I lost my right to. So before worry I pray. It's hard to do when I'm flooded like when my 3 year old runs off and I lose sight of him even for a few seconds, but you will see my knack is to pray more then worry! I want to invite you to this freeing way to live and do faith! I have come to rely and rest in Jesus being who he says he is and doing what he says he'll do. I hope and pray you can join me!
May Jesus bless you this day with every good gift mainly himself!! I hope you understand a little more of why I behave the way I do on certain trigger areas. It's tough living in a minefield in your mind where everything is going just fine then all of a sudden seemingly out of nowhere it blows up in your face!!
I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney
No comments:
Post a Comment