My view of myself as a mama

Watching Mom's Night Out is always eye opening, and a comic relief. We see parents just like us who do not have it all together! We laugh at the funny parts, tear up at the emotional scenes, and maybe micromanage the mayhem in our minds when the husbands are in charge of the kids. 😆 In two years time, we have put the boys through many transitions. We moved to Wisconsin from Minnesota when my oldest was three and youngest only one. I was afraid they would have been overwhelmed, but my boys are the most resilient people I know! They can move to a different state, a new daycare, preschool, more time with baba and papa, new home, new friends, less city more country and stay quarantined for months at a time!  

Oftentimes I wonder if the boys know I love them or if they love me. I  always tear up when Bones is talking to Allison telling her that God did not make a mistake giving her kiddos the mom he did. It comforts and silences my questions and doubts of God's choice to be my boys mama. Joshy and I were driving back from CollECtive choir one night and I told him “I love you” and his response was “I love you this tall”(pointing to the ceiling in my truck) then he said “I love you so so much!” So... my questions were answered! 🥰 As parents of our little mini us’s we often evaluate how we are doing. We wonder if our kids are getting their needs met, juggling long to-due lists. We beat ourselves up if we overbook our schedules(at least I do).  This move has taught me a lot! 

It taught me to be gracious to myself and family. Tempers and frustration threatens to sabotage a good move but my husband and I kept holding onto Hope and Unity which was our focus that year. I knew that the boys world would change quickly! So I spent a month with them transitioning to Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin! We moved at a slower pace and just took time to be together, much like during Covid. We did a good job letting them discover their new world! With this intentional mindset I can see the boys transitioned a lot faster before mom and dad had to go back to work!

 I have days where fear threatens to take over my peace about the future as we all do, especially after 2020. I have realized I am not afraid anymore! I know both of my boys are in good hands and as a parent that is all I could ever ask for! I know that my marriage will last that we’re side by side and the settles it! We were meant to be world changers!! I prayed daily as much as I could during both pregnancies for both boys to be world changers and always God chooses to start with me!

 I am becoming a legacy changer the generational patterns I saw growing up will not be in my family! Although some days are better then others I am not going to give up. I oftentimes think They’re going to do some damage in this world! "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:35(NIV) I want my boys to open doors for people, buy flowers for their special ladies (including mama 😆😍❤️🌹) I would love them to go on weekly date nights, it would be so fun for them to have family fort movie nights with their friends and family. I pray they shine their lights in the darkness. What I desire most though, is that they want God above all else! I want Him to lead them as only He can.

So... it’s time I teach them! I am to model what I want them to display to the world! I am embarking on a very long and exciting journey to be a Certified Parent Coach! I’ll update on the process! I am so looking forward to seeing families lives change through my training and the Holy Spirit leading me! 

 When I pray for transformation He usually starts with me! I know I don’t need to be afraid though some days I still am! (Just being honest here) Joshy’s old daycare center is there because a girl from Madison decided there needed to be quality care in Chippewa Falls! Yet what if she stayed in her comfort zone? What if we did? What if you do? What if Jesus did?

We as Christians are not called to live in our comfort zones we are called to be light in the dark places in the world! "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not understood it." John 1:5(NIV) That’s what I prayed for my family to become! And by God’s good grace I see it happening now! God has some very exciting things he's calling us to I will share when it starts to come together.

I desire you to be the light shining in the darkness! I yearn for it just as strongly as I do my own family! If we all become less afraid to walk out on the water in the midst of our storm, or be lights shining in the darkness we all could be world changers! We would put a death toll on Satan and all of his evil schemes he has planned! 

We have to stop living afraid, comfortable, powerless, anxious, angry, bitter, impatient, unfaithful, disobedient and live the way Jesus has taught us how to live! As Christians we are the image bearers of Jesus Christ himself let’s make sure we are presenting the best image!

I love you with all my heart

Tina Martina Putney

We are the Brave Ones

Listening to a friend's story tonight I shook my head and asked her "Who would think of doing something like that?" She looked at me and said "Someone that is evil." Im all about giving the oppressed a voice and revelation that they are the brave ones.

God called me into the mental health community 6 years ago now as I am reading this again. I had no idea how hard it was going to be. It has been a difficult journey and still is. I have heard all sorts of heart breaking stories where people were treated with such disdain, I was introduced with the court system twice. I participated in psycho therapy, graduated from a in-patient therapy program twice. 

I'm still getting parenting help from a parenting coach. I have been learning new techniques with peaceful parenting that connects with my kids! I love it! Empathy I learned is key! I’ve noticed a shift in my home that I am excited to see! It’s such a relief when you feel at home with the way you are responding to the people in your life! 

We do the work, we take the medications, we take a look at our pasts, and we receive parenting help. We have to hear the stigmas and live in a way where we don't live up to the societal norm. But I think the best thing we can do is, provide a different legacy for ourselves and families.

The cycle of abuse ends with us! We do not have to parent the way we were parented. I couldn't imagine Nathan or Joshy treating a woman harshly or their future children. Nathan opens doors for strangers, asked to marry me, 😂 gives back massages to his girl friends and me! Joshy smiles and giggles and we can’t resist but laugh along with him!

My boys are my legacy! I want them to have a legacy they are fond of passing on their future families! I would love date nights to continue, meals together as a family, and family fort movie nights! I want them to take delight in their kiddos and families God brings before them! It all starts in the home. We are our children’s first and most important teachers! They want so much to learn from us, play, be silly, snuggle, wrestle and talk with us! They are little explorers and they love it when we join them in their adventures!

Let me just be honest about something that’s painful to hear. Abusers and oppressors say things we would never think of repeating to our loved ones. The truth is abusers and oppressors operate under a false pretense of true power. We know the only true source of Power is through Jesus! But for a time they take our power from us.

For a while they can succeed but when we rise up and declare enough, we get out of tragic situations and become stronger not weaker. We begin to see the true power they thought they had over us was really inside of us all along. We find out who we were always meant to be. We think of the lives that are following ours and what their future will look like and we step away, then we start to sprint and soon we are full on jogging!

 Then we pick up the pace and start training for a marathon. “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize. Everyone who goes into the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.”1 Corinthians 9:24-25(NIV) What is the prize? Eternity with Jesus and all of those that fought the good fight and have come out the other side! They changed the outcome of the hand they were dealt all the while they get stronger with each step!

We were never born to be oppressed and abused. We were born for greatness. Join me in the race friends! Parents with an abuse story let's rise together into our new lives!! Walk step by step with Jesus and then meet me on the race track!!

We truly are the brave ones, we help our kids choose what they want to be and what they don't. We are on the hook for obedience God is on the hook for results!

If you are being oppressed or abused or have an abuse story in anyway I am so sorry and I am so proud of you for keeping in the fight to a better life for your family! My prayers and love are with you!

Here's to my Heroes!! You are the brave ones! Never let anyone tell you otherwise! Lift your face everyone and gaze into the eyes of our King! He is waiting ever so patiently for you to bring your hurt and fears to Him! He longs to bring you home!

Love you with all my Heart!

Tina Martina Putney


Here’s a song to get your race going!!!

https://youtu.be/HgknAaKNaMM

Carrying a legacy

I just love the inspirational link I found by "mistake". I was looking for a song called Warrior and ended up finding encouragement instead! What do you carry? I carry a legacy! A legacy of healing, wealth, healthy communication, expressing appropriate anger. This didn't come from my family of origin. Where does it come from then? It comes from inside! It's my daily struggle to live out for my boys so THEY can live a different legacy! What gets in the way? My biggest enemy fear. But as the song says, fear is a liar!

I know fear is a liar in my head, but in my heart it's deathly grip plagues my sense of peace. I have feared my finances, marriage falling apart (for a time I wanted it to) children being hurt, what people think of me etc! My life has been a legacy of fear. I have decided to put a stop to it! My faith has been an anchor through my life. When I go through hard seasons I cling to that faith. I sometimes forget how near God is. I am embarking on a journey that is challenging but so rewarding, when I see my boys light up because they know they are heard. I can see their facial expressions change when they learn something new! I love when they look at us to make sure we are watching! I love being joyful with my family, I do not love feeling anger. 

I fear getting angry. I have given into anger for most of my life! Meaning I can say and do the worst things to the people I love most in these heightened states. But I am learning not only is fear a liar but my anger can be my training ground! With the skills I now have and God's guidance I can overcome my biggest enemy! I am working on my parenting and trying to build a safe, joyful and healthy home for myself and family. Recently I have found conscious parenting. 

This focuses on behavior as communication of needs not being met rather then labeling it good or bad. This is parenting with not over and a new approach entirely. It has been a very welcome change in my home! I am a lot more calm and my husband has noticed I have much more gentle responses to once triggering situations. I have been seeking a new way to parent for many years and I finally found it! It's beautiful to see how God shows His favor and love to us! His love is limitless! In due time we are reaping a harvest "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due time for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."(NIV) 

I was holding a beautiful rock as I wrote this. It was just a rock with a cross inside that says faith. Simple rock, I don't know where it came from it was just lying in my yard one day. I get angry at God sometimes, I question his love for me and yet he does not get offended and withhold his love. He multiplies His love with his unlimited favor! He must truly love our family because we have seen his favor many times. 
I don't know why I doubt his love for me as He is always faithful. The truth is we all do it! 

When something happens that we don't expect we question the One who made us and knows us inside and out. "For you created my innmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13(NIV). He knows everything about us, what we will face, every single sin we will ever commit, including betraying HIM to our enemy, and HE still won't leave. He truly never leaves us nor forsakes us. The psalmist penned these words "Though my mother and father may forsake me, he will receive me." Psalm 27:10. (NIV) His thoughts truly are higher than our thoughts and his ways are truly higher than our ways! I've always wanted to be a mom. I knew I was called to change my family legacy.  

 I love the little reminders God gives me to hold onto. Little hands and feet are so precious to me. The hands that hold on to us and trust us with their lives. I love handprint and footprint art! In my home I have a lot of this artwork from the boys on my wall. I like to look to see how they grew throughout the years. There is something so beautiful about those little hands and feet. Its a reminder of who looks up to and loves you! These boys are my legacy. 

Our plans are flawed compared to God's, plain and simple! He knows exactly what we need at exactly the right moment. When something looks different in our opinion, we question God's plan. He still leads us gently to his best for us! In relationships in the past I thought I knew his best, now 8 years into my marriage I know these were not his best for me! My husband and I have been side by side and that settles it for 9 years!!

God shared this phrase with us in South Dakota when Zechariah was on a mission trip with Next Step Ministries! Four days into our marriage he said that "I was a good wife and Zechariah was a good husband." I didn't know it at the the time but I know why now. It's because we have fought for our marriage since day one! No it hasn't been easy but we have stood by each other's side in the end. Throughout our relationship God never let us carry out an argument for to long. He usually tells me what is going on in me so I can resolve the issue with my husband! 

He wants us to live out His call and plans for our lives! God love us and he loves you too, and if you let him he will lead you to His best for you! You will see that He loves to give you a new identity that empowers and shows what he feels about you.  God gave us identities a while ago that he recognizes us as by. My name from God is Nala and for this year Ruthie ( I always give nicknames to things I love like youth are youthies.) Zechariah's names are  Lion- Simba, Watchmen, Prince and 5 Star General.  Now our boys have been given identities by God as well. 

We get to choose however, do we choose our plans or God's unflawed plan?  It's not easy living in the balance of God's call on our lives but it is always a learning experience. All He asked Abraham in the book of Genesis to do was believe He was God and would do what He said would happen. That's all he asks us to do also. If we can do these things we will see that it's not so complicated and there are benefits to living within His will. 

I love you with all my Heart
Tina Martina Putney

Enjoy these two links!

https://youtu.be/83AB3p3WXBc

https://youtu.be/1srs1YoTVzs

I'm a Warrior!

Have you seen the War room? If not I would highly encourage you to! It's an amazing teaching movie about how to be a prayer warrior! I want to be 80 and still praying with fervent prayers like I am now at 31! I watched that movie the other night and God told me He was teaching me to be a warrior. The lady says " I do my fighting in prayer." This is what I now am doing!

I set up a War room in our livingroom! I have notecards of prayers and answered prayers! I intend to keep this so the boys can see how faithful God is! I want them to experience true authentic relationship wth Jesus! Tonight my son Nathan prayed his first prayer to God!! We must be doing something right! Later in the evening he woke up and threw up all over himself. Is that a coincidence that in the same night he prays and gets sick? Doesn't feel like it to this mama! You bet I prayed over our boy tonight! I'm not letting Satan take my son's health or anything else!

The song Warrior has become my battle cry! I heard it once before on KTIS and God told me specifically to put it on my playlist. I have and I love this song so much! It's such a powerful decleration! It's also the way God wants to break me out of collapse week. He told me to listen to it over again as many times as I need and that will help me bounce back much quickly! There will be days sometimes even weeks where I won't really want to do much but vegetate on the couch. It's not the ideal and it is our "new normal." Not the normal I want or chose but nonetheless it's where we are.

I was telling a friend of mine recently that I physically cannot choose to not collapse my body does it for me. I physically cannot choose to no react to painful anniversaries again my body does it for me. The body is truly a fasinating organism! It stores information, memories, anniversaries, trauma, hopes ans dreams! When I go through the painful anniversaries I am pretty wiped out for a week before and after sometimes the whole month! It's that debilitating! Another debilitating symptom I suffer with are migraines.

They really are the death of me as I often times say. Tomorrow I have an appointment to talk about preventing these awful and much unwanted intrusive headaches! I want to be done with them! I have no time to waste on migraines and rob my kiddos of the mama they need! I do never back down and I do get back up so much stronger! When I see something a muck I attack it until it gets resolved! That's just me I'm a warrior! I have a battle that is to important not to fight!

I want you to listen to the song linked! Take a few moments and just let these words leap into your heart settle into your bones! No matter what or where you've been YOU are a WARRIOR!!!!

Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

https://youtu.be/T2LmSDVZdNg

A battle no one can see...

Is the physical world or spiritual world more real to you? For me it has always been the spiritual world. This may be triggering or frightening and this is not my intention at all. My hope is that you learn how to honor a mental health survivor and their battle! Take a trip with me into my mind for a day. Let me show you what I go through in hopes you will come to see the real battle I face and have faced all of my life!

First you need to know that you can't help or cure me! My mental health is all in my mind! Every hallucination is in my mind but it is so powerful that it seems to manifest in the physical world! Let me share some stories with you. When I was growing up in Greenfield one night I was sitting in my kitchen in the dark (not sure why?) and I saw a very awful looking dark spirit or figure climb out of my basement and looked straight at me with a mocking smile. It was as if he was trying to say I want you to live in fear of going to your basement alone. And that was the exact result. I needed to turn the lights on every room of my house before I would ever go in a hallway or bathroom or the kitchen and especially the basement! You see that figure was mentally there but it was so powerful it was if I saw him in my home. To say I was frightened is a true understatement!! I lived terrified of the dark and in some ways still am. Here's a more recent hallucination.

Last night I was washing dishes and my wonderful hubby was trying to say something to me in the kitchen. Before he came to speak though I saw a black figure and then all of a sudden Zechariah spoke and I jumped so high and so quick that I stopped washing dishes all together and just took a few really deep breaths. You see I know it was my hubby behind me the whole time but in the state I have been in and with my new diagnosis it was as if I was being attacked by a spirit! I just got diagnosed with manic depression this week. Part if this illness symptom are hallucinations. Think it's safe to say I fit the criteria. So why do I share this?

I want to show you what mental health looks like for me. I want you to understand that you can see me one day really really excited and then I'll crash big time! You can hear my voice traveling a mile a minute and the next time I say no more then two words. Before I enter a new environment the first thing I have to do is look around and scope out the place. I do this every time I work. I walk in the doors and look around the store to gauge how busy it is and what my most likely task will be. I can't just clock in and be told what to do I have to scan the store and see how busy it is to know where I'll be most helpful. It's just what I have to do. It may not make sense but to me if I don't know what to expect I get pulled back into depression and anxiety really really fast! I also see a lot of visions. It's the most clear way God speaks to me.

This morning while washing left over dishes I saw a dam and Jesus was pushing hard back the water that were threatening to break it. The water is Satan's lies. He is vicious and will not sleep. Probably why I have had such a terrible time getting to sleep most of my life is because I have always feared a spirit or Satan himself to manifest in my home and attack me. I can't really watch exorcism movies and can't see the demons face because I will not be able to let go of that image easily! This part is PTSD but the hallucinations is all manic depression. I just found out about it this week! Who knows how long I have dealt with both of these illnesses. The truth shall set you free! So as I uncovered the diagnosis and have gotten back on sleep medicine I know attacks are going to be constant, triggers are going to flare, hubby and I will be at odds end, the kiddos will be stressful. Satan is a vicious foe that plots constantly how to kill steal and destroy. Do you want to hear something incredible?? Remember my vision about the dam? Who was holding back the lies? That's right! Jesus! Jesus has always been there holding back the dam, calming the storm, plucking out the lies, sitting on the rock, dancing with me in worship, in my kiddos laugh, in my hubby's smile!

As vicious of a foe Satan is he is also a defeated one! I can't wait to see what Jesus is calling us to and the fight be over for my mental health but for now I will go to the one that holds back the dam!

Have I honored the mental health survivor's story? Have I given you a glimpse into my mind? Have I explained how manic depression affects me? Have I told you also who holds back the dam? Jesus only Jesus friends!!!

I love you with all of my heart!

Instead of saying I will pray with this blog post I will actually do it!!

Daddy,
I love you too! We are forever grateful for your presence and guidance in our lives! We thank you that you hold back the dam and storms of our lives! We love your presence God! We love worshiping in your temple! We love to see your radiant face and are encouraged by your word! Protect our families Lord may they feel you embrace them even now! Keep us all seeking after you first and your righteousness! Grant us safe passing into your kingdom Jesus! Thank you for reconciling us to the Father!! In Jesus name Amen!

A True Fast

Have you ever participated in a fast? I never really understood the significance nor could I really participate in a fast being a pregnant or breastfeeding mama, needing to stay on my medications, and needing nourishment to sustain my energy to keep up with my firstborn. Every year I start off the year with a 40 day sugar fast with my dear friend Wendy Speake! It begins in January conveniently after the holidays, and ends right around Valentine's Day! Year after year the stories that come from this experience is truly incredible! 

Marriages are healed, depression is released, strongholds are broken, women find salvation. Each year we donate to a charity as community and we watch God provide abundantly throughout these 40 days! There is a Facebook group specifically designed for our fasting community! It's so wonderful to have so many women that are trying to heal and transform with you! There is also a book that Wendy Speake wrote that goes alongside the fast. 40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Physical Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation.  It dives deeper into scripture and is a perfect resource during these 40 days. We start with a chapter a day  that go deeper into what we are learning and experiencing together. With each day we lean into God's word as we crowd out the sugar from our bodies. We give Jesus control over not only our physical health but our spiritual as well. The link if you would like to look into it!  https://amzn.to/2Sr9euD

Isaiah 58 lays it out beautifully! Fasting isn't about us! It's about Him and His people! It's taking our eyes off ourselves and putting the focus back on God and His desires! Look at what it says from verse 6, to loose the chains of injustice, and untie the chords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free. Isaiah 58:6 To set the oppressed free. This was written in a time where there was a lot of oppression going on! A fast then becomes a right to be set free from anything that hinders your relationship with the One True King! He alone holds the power of the fast! I was walking around with little baby Joshua one morning singing Nothing but the blood of Jesus. The lyrics are so powerful. What Can wash away my sin? Nothing but the Blood of Jesus What can make me whole again? Nothing but the Blood of Jesus! Sing it with me! Oh precious is the flow that makes me white as snow no other fount I know Nothing but the Blood of Jesus! 

During a 40 day sugar fast I am singing about who can make me whole again! Scripture says we lack no good thing so I am not craving food I am craving more of Jesus! I am fasting for my kiddos to know and love Jesus! I am fasting for Jesus to uphold my marriage, parenting, church, job, and coaching practice. I'm fasting for Jesus to fill every crack that has ever been made in my story! I am fasting and praying for you also! 

What are you really longing for? Are you really longing for physical food or spiritual? Are you self medicating with a glass of wine or bowl of ice cream after a hard day? Are you seeking status and acceptance with family and friends through social networking, online shopping or through your relationships? What happens every year is we find out we are all really longing for Jesus! We come to the point where nothing else will satisfy but Jesus! Half way through the fast we have more self control over sugar and a much more closer walk with God! Some for the very first time allow the Father access their heart! 

This fast is not easy and somedays we may slip but we have a very faithful God who ALWAYS shows us His faithfulness! No matter what we show up with he shows up with grace and mercy. We have been running from him for so long and this fast allows us the opportunity to stop and course correct. We focus our gaze on true North and let the compass point to home. As we fast together we feast together! We come to view God as not just a task master but a loving and forgiving Father who only wants to capture our hearts and invite us into an eternal relationship with him. 

He pulled me out of abuse and explosive anger when He brought me to Him the first time and He reminds me everyday that he still does! Even if I don't open my bible, don't get to the bible study, haven't had my "sugar fast time" God still enacts his plan for my life. He does for you also! Even if there is no evidence of God working in your life I promise you he still is. This 40 day sugar fast has been powerful in my life! I love starting my year off with this community! I hope you will join us! Find us on Facebook @ 40 Day Sugar fast private group. You can sign up for it here https://www.wendyspeake.com/sugar


This fast can be a source of freedom if we follow the course. Freedom plain and simple, freedom from a dark past, freedom from apathy, freedom from weight, freedom from fear, freedom from depression and anxiety, freedom from abiding by unhealthy patterns, freedom to see other's needs above our own. God is fighting daily for you and me to live free. I feel this fast is a huge part of that! It doesn't end at 40 days trust me it can become a daily experience! 

What about you? What does a fast mean to you? What do you need to be free from? What can you give up in order to pursue Jesus more! I encourage you to spend some time with Jesus and his word and ask Him anything he already knows what you need! More importantly He is the ONLY way you will overcome! I want so much for this year to be a year of freedom for you! Let the True King teach you and quiet you with his love! He has given me so much peace I know he can and will do the same for you if you allow him to come. 

I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the Blood of Jesus!

40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Spiritual Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation by Wendy Speake 

https://amzn.to/2Sr9euD