Carrying a legacy

I just love the inspirational link I found by "mistake". I was looking for a song called Warrior and ended up finding encouragement instead! What do you carry? I carry a legacy! A legacy of healing, wealth, healthy communication, expressing appropriate anger. This didn't come from my family of origin. Where does it come from then? It comes from inside! It's my daily struggle to live out for my boys so THEY can live a different legacy! What gets in the way? My biggest enemy fear. But as the song says, fear is a liar!

I know fear is a liar in my head, but in my heart it's deathly grip plagues my sense of peace. I have feared my finances, marriage falling apart (for a time I wanted it to) children being hurt, what people think of me etc! My life has been a legacy of fear. I have decided to put a stop to it! My faith has been an anchor through my life. When I go through hard seasons I cling to that faith. I sometimes forget how near God is. I am embarking on a journey that is challenging but so rewarding, when I see my boys light up because they know they are heard. I can see their facial expressions change when they learn something new! I love when they look at us to make sure we are watching! I love being joyful with my family, I do not love feeling anger. 

I fear getting angry. I have given into anger for most of my life! Meaning I can say and do the worst things to the people I love most in these heightened states. But I am learning not only is fear a liar but my anger can be my training ground! With the skills I now have and God's guidance I can overcome my biggest enemy! I am working on my parenting and trying to build a safe, joyful and healthy home for myself and family. Recently I have found conscious parenting. 

This focuses on behavior as communication of needs not being met rather then labeling it good or bad. This is parenting with not over and a new approach entirely. It has been a very welcome change in my home! I am a lot more calm and my husband has noticed I have much more gentle responses to once triggering situations. I have been seeking a new way to parent for many years and I finally found it! It's beautiful to see how God shows His favor and love to us! His love is limitless! In due time we are reaping a harvest "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due time for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."(NIV) 

I was holding a beautiful rock as I wrote this. It was just a rock with a cross inside that says faith. Simple rock, I don't know where it came from it was just lying in my yard one day. I get angry at God sometimes, I question his love for me and yet he does not get offended and withhold his love. He multiplies His love with his unlimited favor! He must truly love our family because we have seen his favor many times. 
I don't know why I doubt his love for me as He is always faithful. The truth is we all do it! 

When something happens that we don't expect we question the One who made us and knows us inside and out. "For you created my innmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13(NIV). He knows everything about us, what we will face, every single sin we will ever commit, including betraying HIM to our enemy, and HE still won't leave. He truly never leaves us nor forsakes us. The psalmist penned these words "Though my mother and father may forsake me, he will receive me." Psalm 27:10. (NIV) His thoughts truly are higher than our thoughts and his ways are truly higher than our ways! I've always wanted to be a mom. I knew I was called to change my family legacy.  

 I love the little reminders God gives me to hold onto. Little hands and feet are so precious to me. The hands that hold on to us and trust us with their lives. I love handprint and footprint art! In my home I have a lot of this artwork from the boys on my wall. I like to look to see how they grew throughout the years. There is something so beautiful about those little hands and feet. Its a reminder of who looks up to and loves you! These boys are my legacy. 

Our plans are flawed compared to God's, plain and simple! He knows exactly what we need at exactly the right moment. When something looks different in our opinion, we question God's plan. He still leads us gently to his best for us! In relationships in the past I thought I knew his best, now 8 years into my marriage I know these were not his best for me! My husband and I have been side by side and that settles it for 9 years!!

God shared this phrase with us in South Dakota when Zechariah was on a mission trip with Next Step Ministries! Four days into our marriage he said that "I was a good wife and Zechariah was a good husband." I didn't know it at the the time but I know why now. It's because we have fought for our marriage since day one! No it hasn't been easy but we have stood by each other's side in the end. Throughout our relationship God never let us carry out an argument for to long. He usually tells me what is going on in me so I can resolve the issue with my husband! 

He wants us to live out His call and plans for our lives! God love us and he loves you too, and if you let him he will lead you to His best for you! You will see that He loves to give you a new identity that empowers and shows what he feels about you.  God gave us identities a while ago that he recognizes us as by. My name from God is Nala and for this year Ruthie ( I always give nicknames to things I love like youth are youthies.) Zechariah's names are  Lion- Simba, Watchmen, Prince and 5 Star General.  Now our boys have been given identities by God as well. 

We get to choose however, do we choose our plans or God's unflawed plan?  It's not easy living in the balance of God's call on our lives but it is always a learning experience. All He asked Abraham in the book of Genesis to do was believe He was God and would do what He said would happen. That's all he asks us to do also. If we can do these things we will see that it's not so complicated and there are benefits to living within His will. 

I love you with all my Heart
Tina Martina Putney

Enjoy these two links!

https://youtu.be/83AB3p3WXBc

https://youtu.be/1srs1YoTVzs

I'm a Warrior!

Have you seen the War room? If not I would highly encourage you to! It's an amazing teaching movie about how to be a prayer warrior! I want to be 80 and still praying with fervent prayers like I am now at 31! I watched that movie the other night and God told me He was teaching me to be a warrior. The lady says " I do my fighting in prayer." This is what I now am doing!

I set up a War room in our livingroom! I have notecards of prayers and answered prayers! I intend to keep this so the boys can see how faithful God is! I want them to experience true authentic relationship wth Jesus! Tonight my son Nathan prayed his first prayer to God!! We must be doing something right! Later in the evening he woke up and threw up all over himself. Is that a coincidence that in the same night he prays and gets sick? Doesn't feel like it to this mama! You bet I prayed over our boy tonight! I'm not letting Satan take my son's health or anything else!

The song Warrior has become my battle cry! I heard it once before on KTIS and God told me specifically to put it on my playlist. I have and I love this song so much! It's such a powerful decleration! It's also the way God wants to break me out of collapse week. He told me to listen to it over again as many times as I need and that will help me bounce back much quickly! There will be days sometimes even weeks where I won't really want to do much but vegetate on the couch. It's not the ideal and it is our "new normal." Not the normal I want or chose but nonetheless it's where we are.

I was telling a friend of mine recently that I physically cannot choose to not collapse my body does it for me. I physically cannot choose to no react to painful anniversaries again my body does it for me. The body is truly a fasinating organism! It stores information, memories, anniversaries, trauma, hopes ans dreams! When I go through the painful anniversaries I am pretty wiped out for a week before and after sometimes the whole month! It's that debilitating! Another debilitating symptom I suffer with are migraines.

They really are the death of me as I often times say. Tomorrow I have an appointment to talk about preventing these awful and much unwanted intrusive headaches! I want to be done with them! I have no time to waste on migraines and rob my kiddos of the mama they need! I do never back down and I do get back up so much stronger! When I see something a muck I attack it until it gets resolved! That's just me I'm a warrior! I have a battle that is to important not to fight!

I want you to listen to the song linked! Take a few moments and just let these words leap into your heart settle into your bones! No matter what or where you've been YOU are a WARRIOR!!!!

Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

https://youtu.be/T2LmSDVZdNg

A battle no one can see...

Is the physical world or spiritual world more real to you? For me it has always been the spiritual world. This may be triggering or frightening and this is not my intention at all. My hope is that you learn how to honor a mental health survivor and their battle! Take a trip with me into my mind for a day. Let me show you what I go through in hopes you will come to see the real battle I face and have faced all of my life!

First you need to know that you can't help or cure me! My mental health is all in my mind! Every hallucination is in my mind but it is so powerful that it seems to manifest in the physical world! Let me share some stories with you. When I was growing up in Greenfield one night I was sitting in my kitchen in the dark (not sure why?) and I saw a very awful looking dark spirit or figure climb out of my basement and looked straight at me with a mocking smile. It was as if he was trying to say I want you to live in fear of going to your basement alone. And that was the exact result. I needed to turn the lights on every room of my house before I would ever go in a hallway or bathroom or the kitchen and especially the basement! You see that figure was mentally there but it was so powerful it was if I saw him in my home. To say I was frightened is a true understatement!! I lived terrified of the dark and in some ways still am. Here's a more recent hallucination.

Last night I was washing dishes and my wonderful hubby was trying to say something to me in the kitchen. Before he came to speak though I saw a black figure and then all of a sudden Zechariah spoke and I jumped so high and so quick that I stopped washing dishes all together and just took a few really deep breaths. You see I know it was my hubby behind me the whole time but in the state I have been in and with my new diagnosis it was as if I was being attacked by a spirit! I just got diagnosed with manic depression this week. Part if this illness symptom are hallucinations. Think it's safe to say I fit the criteria. So why do I share this?

I want to show you what mental health looks like for me. I want you to understand that you can see me one day really really excited and then I'll crash big time! You can hear my voice traveling a mile a minute and the next time I say no more then two words. Before I enter a new environment the first thing I have to do is look around and scope out the place. I do this every time I work. I walk in the doors and look around the store to gauge how busy it is and what my most likely task will be. I can't just clock in and be told what to do I have to scan the store and see how busy it is to know where I'll be most helpful. It's just what I have to do. It may not make sense but to me if I don't know what to expect I get pulled back into depression and anxiety really really fast! I also see a lot of visions. It's the most clear way God speaks to me.

This morning while washing left over dishes I saw a dam and Jesus was pushing hard back the water that were threatening to break it. The water is Satan's lies. He is vicious and will not sleep. Probably why I have had such a terrible time getting to sleep most of my life is because I have always feared a spirit or Satan himself to manifest in my home and attack me. I can't really watch exorcism movies and can't see the demons face because I will not be able to let go of that image easily! This part is PTSD but the hallucinations is all manic depression. I just found out about it this week! Who knows how long I have dealt with both of these illnesses. The truth shall set you free! So as I uncovered the diagnosis and have gotten back on sleep medicine I know attacks are going to be constant, triggers are going to flare, hubby and I will be at odds end, the kiddos will be stressful. Satan is a vicious foe that plots constantly how to kill steal and destroy. Do you want to hear something incredible?? Remember my vision about the dam? Who was holding back the lies? That's right! Jesus! Jesus has always been there holding back the dam, calming the storm, plucking out the lies, sitting on the rock, dancing with me in worship, in my kiddos laugh, in my hubby's smile!

As vicious of a foe Satan is he is also a defeated one! I can't wait to see what Jesus is calling us to and the fight be over for my mental health but for now I will go to the one that holds back the dam!

Have I honored the mental health survivor's story? Have I given you a glimpse into my mind? Have I explained how manic depression affects me? Have I told you also who holds back the dam? Jesus only Jesus friends!!!

I love you with all of my heart!

Instead of saying I will pray with this blog post I will actually do it!!

Daddy,
I love you too! We are forever grateful for your presence and guidance in our lives! We thank you that you hold back the dam and storms of our lives! We love your presence God! We love worshiping in your temple! We love to see your radiant face and are encouraged by your word! Protect our families Lord may they feel you embrace them even now! Keep us all seeking after you first and your righteousness! Grant us safe passing into your kingdom Jesus! Thank you for reconciling us to the Father!! In Jesus name Amen!

A True Fast

Have you ever participated in a fast? I never really understood the significance nor could I really participate in a fast being a pregnant or breastfeeding mama, needing to stay on my medications, and needing nourishment to sustain my energy to keep up with my firstborn. Every year I start off the year with a 40 day sugar fast with my dear friend Wendy Speake! It begins in January conveniently after the holidays, and ends right around Valentine's Day! Year after year the stories that come from this experience is truly incredible! 

Marriages are healed, depression is released, strongholds are broken, women find salvation. Each year we donate to a charity as community and we watch God provide abundantly throughout these 40 days! There is a Facebook group specifically designed for our fasting community! It's so wonderful to have so many women that are trying to heal and transform with you! There is also a book that Wendy Speake wrote that goes alongside the fast. 40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Physical Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation.  It dives deeper into scripture and is a perfect resource during these 40 days. We start with a chapter a day  that go deeper into what we are learning and experiencing together. With each day we lean into God's word as we crowd out the sugar from our bodies. We give Jesus control over not only our physical health but our spiritual as well. The link if you would like to look into it!  https://amzn.to/2Sr9euD

Isaiah 58 lays it out beautifully! Fasting isn't about us! It's about Him and His people! It's taking our eyes off ourselves and putting the focus back on God and His desires! Look at what it says from verse 6, to loose the chains of injustice, and untie the chords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free. Isaiah 58:6 To set the oppressed free. This was written in a time where there was a lot of oppression going on! A fast then becomes a right to be set free from anything that hinders your relationship with the One True King! He alone holds the power of the fast! I was walking around with little baby Joshua one morning singing Nothing but the blood of Jesus. The lyrics are so powerful. What Can wash away my sin? Nothing but the Blood of Jesus What can make me whole again? Nothing but the Blood of Jesus! Sing it with me! Oh precious is the flow that makes me white as snow no other fount I know Nothing but the Blood of Jesus! 

During a 40 day sugar fast I am singing about who can make me whole again! Scripture says we lack no good thing so I am not craving food I am craving more of Jesus! I am fasting for my kiddos to know and love Jesus! I am fasting for Jesus to uphold my marriage, parenting, church, job, and coaching practice. I'm fasting for Jesus to fill every crack that has ever been made in my story! I am fasting and praying for you also! 

What are you really longing for? Are you really longing for physical food or spiritual? Are you self medicating with a glass of wine or bowl of ice cream after a hard day? Are you seeking status and acceptance with family and friends through social networking, online shopping or through your relationships? What happens every year is we find out we are all really longing for Jesus! We come to the point where nothing else will satisfy but Jesus! Half way through the fast we have more self control over sugar and a much more closer walk with God! Some for the very first time allow the Father access their heart! 

This fast is not easy and somedays we may slip but we have a very faithful God who ALWAYS shows us His faithfulness! No matter what we show up with he shows up with grace and mercy. We have been running from him for so long and this fast allows us the opportunity to stop and course correct. We focus our gaze on true North and let the compass point to home. As we fast together we feast together! We come to view God as not just a task master but a loving and forgiving Father who only wants to capture our hearts and invite us into an eternal relationship with him. 

He pulled me out of abuse and explosive anger when He brought me to Him the first time and He reminds me everyday that he still does! Even if I don't open my bible, don't get to the bible study, haven't had my "sugar fast time" God still enacts his plan for my life. He does for you also! Even if there is no evidence of God working in your life I promise you he still is. This 40 day sugar fast has been powerful in my life! I love starting my year off with this community! I hope you will join us! Find us on Facebook @ 40 Day Sugar fast private group. You can sign up for it here https://www.wendyspeake.com/sugar


This fast can be a source of freedom if we follow the course. Freedom plain and simple, freedom from a dark past, freedom from apathy, freedom from weight, freedom from fear, freedom from depression and anxiety, freedom from abiding by unhealthy patterns, freedom to see other's needs above our own. God is fighting daily for you and me to live free. I feel this fast is a huge part of that! It doesn't end at 40 days trust me it can become a daily experience! 

What about you? What does a fast mean to you? What do you need to be free from? What can you give up in order to pursue Jesus more! I encourage you to spend some time with Jesus and his word and ask Him anything he already knows what you need! More importantly He is the ONLY way you will overcome! I want so much for this year to be a year of freedom for you! Let the True King teach you and quiet you with his love! He has given me so much peace I know he can and will do the same for you if you allow him to come. 

I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the Blood of Jesus!

40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Spiritual Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation by Wendy Speake 

https://amzn.to/2Sr9euD

The beauty of Art!

I told my high school art teacher I hated art. On Friday I was driving back home and I actually made a point to look at the murals on the wall of the buildings. I couldn't help but notice what I usually am to busy to pay attention to. Then it hit me, art is beautiful, like music is speaks a story! A lot goes into a masterpiece and we are no different.

There may be darker strokes in the canvas of our lives but when we look over the canvas of our lives we are going to see so many beautiful moments too! Our marriage, our kiddos, our calling, the times we loved so deeply and cried out to Jesus so desperately. We are going to see it all as will Jesus. Nothing we have ever said or done will be hidden and finally the question in all of our hearts will be answered will he still love me? Does a potter love his pottery less if there are cracks, dents, deformities to their piece? That's what we are and that is who HE is! In Japan they spend extra time filling in the cracked pottery with Gold!

To Jesus we are the broken pottery and HE is the gold that holds us together not just the glue! Do you see how beautiful that is?? When we just want someone to hold us together we have a Savior that does that and so much more! He adds value to us! He see us as worthy possessions to treat ever so delicately! Since writing this I believe I have found art to be another expression of how God expresses beauty! It's probably why I love taking pictures and videos so much! They tell a story and a beautiful one at that!!! I'm a visual learner if I see it I get it! As I was driving home Friday with Nathan in the car I made a point to point out butterflies or ask about the colors and then I caught the moment of joy it gave me!

I love to think about the people that touched that wall, I like to think about what their vision was as they began, I like to think and hope they prayed over their masterpiece, it's on display for all to see! There is a mural in Chippewa Falls that Zechariah's mom showed me as he was in South Dakota. It's of the band director and those that lost their lives in a bus crash. I like to think of the people who created this piece to have prayed over the families of the loved ones on the wall. I pray it has brought them comfort!

You see what I mean about art being beautiful! Music and art are the two things that connect to our souls! I'm sure this has happened to you before but you have a really bad morning you get in your car and all of a sudden the exact song you needed to hear plays in your radio and for a moment you get lost in the lyrics or music. Tears fall and you feel less alone! Art does that to artists but I am beginning to realize you don't have to be an art teacher to appreciate and love art!

I love you! The broken and cracked art you are someday all will be new and make sense but for now live in the glorious reality that you are broken and the only one that can put you back together and give you immense worth is Jesus!! Remember this on those very challenging and lonely days of your journey! Appreciate the process of being covered in Gold!

May you be blessed on this Sunday!

Love you with all my heart

Tina Martina Putney

Somewhere in Judah...

Ever feel like every day is the same? Get up try and use the bathroom before little mouths wake up hungry, immediately get breakfast on the table, try to spend some time with God, throw on a movie or show that has already been asked for like the 400th time, just as you are about to eat yourself your adorable 5 month old wakes up so that's out because he needs to nurse. Your older son is watching T.V. your youngest is nursing and just to have some "you" time you are on your phone checking facebook. It's not even 9 in the morning. Many mornings go by with this same routine it can get boring at times.

Today however I got a beautiful "download" from God about how to see the mundane days of being a stay at home mom. Turn with me to John 6. The story of Jesus feeding the five thousand struck me in a fresh way this morning. No one could have predicted what miracle was about to take place from such an ordinary lunch. I'm sure a lot of people could read over this story and not feel the impact of it but let me share what I just learned! Somewhere in Judah a mama packed this boys lunch!

Somewhere in Judah a mama was packing this boys lunch most likely the same day in day out with nothing significant to show for it. She was doing what God had called her to do! She was being the role he asked her to be. She was putting food on the table, doing laundry, washing dishes, but she was about to have a profound awakening. She has been teaching her son important lessons how to be kind, how to offer what you have even if it is a bagged lunch, she has been teaching her son about Jesus and on this ordinary day she would hear the most extraordinary story!! This mama and her efforts to lead her son were going to all pay off!! 

The scene is set the boy hands the disciples his lunch 5 loaves of bread two fish and Jesus then takes this boy's lunch and blesses it gives thanks to God and now everyone is wondering what happens next!! The miracle of all miracles!! He feeds five thousand people that day!!! Can you imagine the look of sheer amazement that came over this little boys face? If his mama was there I'm sure tears were welling up in her eyes thinking something like he sees and hears me and because he hears and sees he responds!

This ordinary lunch became a supernatural sign from Jesus to potentially the mama who desperately needs to see Jesus working. Are you there too? Are you that mama that feels like everyday you are obedient to the call in your life and it just feels so mundane? Mama if you are doing everything you do for the glory of Jesus be blessed because your reward is coming!!! It may not be feeding five thousand people but maybe in the silent prayers you never dare share to another soul. Jesus hears and sees you! Be encouraged mama!! He may keep you a stay at home mom or he may call you to be an even greater influence outside of the home.

This week God gave me back my job where I was working with brides, wedding parties, parents and people that are just looking to add beauty to their home! Never would I have planned to be going back to work outside of the home at least not now! But when God answers prayers he does so in large and small ways!! Instead of just having my influence be at home he is having me make an influence outside of the home also! This is why this made me tear up this morning. I am in that season where things seem the same everyday and then God hands me my job back!! You could say I felt like that boy with the lunch in this example and now feeling like the mama who is thinking he hears and sees me. 

I get it mama, I get the feelings of being made to do the same things over and over with no immediate result or change. Then I see a story like this and get a download from God that is so good I can't help but smile! He really does love me! He loves you too! You are making an impact inside your home an impact that will be so profound in due time! Somedays He calls us to do this full-time sometimes He calls us to make a bigger impact outside of the home! Whatever the call do it with your whole heart! I promise you will see a blessing so great or maybe even more then one, as has been our experience!! 

God's favor is so good so rich that we have nothing else to do but praise and live our lives with true obedience to what God desires. 

I love you with all my heart 
Tina Martina Putney

I'm coming your way

Ever lived with something you always felt shame over?? That's me ever since two years ago... I had a really big hurdle in my mothering to overcome. Untreated trauma flared up like nothing I could imagine! What many do not know is the second I held my son Nathan in my arms for the first time I audibly heard God say to me "You're going to have to fight to be mama," Wow! talk about uh oh what are you going to have me do moment? 

I honestly can not talk about this season of our lives without feeling immense shame and grief. Most likely why I try not to address it to much with others. I'm writing today because I have decided I am kind of done with living in shame! I'm re reading Gospel Centered Mom by Brooke McGlothlin and I am finding freedom in knowing that as a mom who loves her boys more than life itself I am not supposed to get everything right. Jesus made me live this story because I am to NEVER get to a point where I don't need him. So as I reflect on our family story I want to ask you to help me see my story as not a failure but a victory! Invite me to fail but also see how far we have all come! Our life is a miracle, our family life is a miracle!

Two years ago I threatened divorce. I want to relieve any fear of me actually going through with it! I love my hubby! I know that God has us side by side that settles it! I love our family. If you saw how frustrating and heartbreaking home life was like in 2015 though I believe you would understand my want to leave. Like the hubby in Fireproof I just wanted peace and life looked like anything but two years ago! I am amazed at the faithfulness of God to prompt my hubby to choose to fight for our marriage! It is this fight that drives me to stay planted right where I am. Even on the days where I wake up with a bad attitude about something I'm seeing I always go back to two years ago and shudder at the thought.

Often I think about and see my life before my hubby a desolate wasteland. I had good points sure. But my heart was just trampled over and I couldn't tell you I was truly happy until God took everything away from me! My home, my ex, my dad, my job and I literally had nothing left! He stripped all of that away and I didn't understand at the time but now I see it was because he was about to reteach me how to do life! I had no idea that asking for help was ok and just the way God would have me live! When I couldn't look forward I had nowhere to look but up! This has been very much the course of my life.

It wasn't until Zechariah that I realized God was going to have me face the trauma I lived through once and for all. During our engagement we had all out wars over this! Almost broke up before the wedding because of this. See he even wanted to leave ;) Thankfully our Daddy knew exactly where we needed to be that weekend because the best guys in the world stood by our side the whole time and we were hugging and laughing by the end of the weekend! Beautiful isn't it? God really is the master storyteller!! But he was not done with us yet!

Now two years ago still wearing my wedding ring, Nathan sleeping in his room, watching my sweet little angel sleeping (I know not fair! Everyone is sleeping but me!) I couldn't be happier for our story! It has brought me such determination (almost as much as childbirth itself) community, stronger family dynamics, communication about my feelings and triggers that has become so freeing! Not often will I say that I am thankful for our hard season of our lives but for these blessed changes I do have to say I am thankful for it. It made our marriage Fireproof and my mothering change in ways I can never describe! Just watch me with little Joshy you will know what I mean! And that leads me to our little man!

Jesus calls him his sweet little angel because he is the redemption in our story! When I look at that boy I feel my heart melt! Don't get me wrong I love Nathan as much but I think you can understand why my view with Nathan might not be as loving at times. It's a triggering relationship. One I will never give up or stop working on. I'm sure any mom reading this would agree! But little Joshy is the perfection of our family! He's a cuddlebug, he is the happiest baby I know even through teething, he has this intense stare, he focuses and you get to see what he focuses on! In my lullaby I wrote for the boys I wrote that he makes me feel less alone! It's as if he was brought to my life to help me feel God's love! I know children are a blessing but this little one is such a beautiful gift! The funny thing is I was 90% sure we were going to have a girl! So sure I wore a pink sweater to the ultrasound! Seeing my sweet little angel sleeping so peacefully in his cradle though I tear up and smile that I wouldn't want it any other way!!

How about you? What are you living with? What are you hiding from? I promise you the process is not easy, you will want to give up, you will have days where you just need rest but if you will commit to the work of healing you will give yourself and your family the greatest gift! I knew that we were going to go through the hardest season of our lives! I didn't know all the details I didn't know the timeline I just knew I was going to have to fight! Looking back I can honestly say I wouldn't have wanted to do anything differently once our hard season hit. I will never wish what we went through on any other family but let us be the example and hope that Reunification is possible!

If you are a mom who struggles I'm right there with you! I still have hard days where frustration is high and patience is short but repair is essential. I do not want Nathan or Joshy to walk away from our interaction feeling unloved, not cared for, or not valued. May I encourage you to do the same!

If you are a dad reading this and you think it's to late please stop believing that lie!! Kiddos will always want their parents!! It's how God created them!! We are their biggest fans and they are ours! Repent if need be, forgive and move on towards the relationship you desire for you and your child! Please whatever you do do not give up!! From personal experience as a daughter father wounds are sometimes harder to deal with then mother.

May this encourage your heart today!

I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

Here's a poem I found that talks about anxiety may you be blessed as I was!
http://trauma.blog.yorku.ca/2017/10/7712/