As Christmas 2014 comes upon us I have learned some powerful revelations about my life and God and the enemy. God's love prevailed in my life and will continue to do so. Jesus can't lose he wins! This week I finished Redeeming love by Francine Rivers and this is what I learned.
Love is something I didn't know about until God intervened. Josephine my spiritual mother showed me Christ. She lived in Chicago Illinois when I was growing up. She left America to go back to Slovenia when I was 16. I never saw her again and didn't know until months later that she passed on. But this week clear as day I saw her house and her sitting across me smiling. Her eyes told me there was something more to her, she could look at me and see who I was, who I am, who I one day would become. This week God told me that she was the most safe part of my childhood. She was. Josephine was more like a grandma then mother but she was the greatest gift of love I've received. Her eyes showed true genuine acceptance and love.
Everyday we fight a battle. We fight for acceptance and love. I would be sitting with Josephine and see love in her eyes and acceptance then I would look at my dad and see the opposite. I often wondered how she could love and accept me and my own dad didn't. I'm not trying to blame him or make him sound like a monster but I can tell a lot by looking into a person's eyes what they're feeling.
It wasn't Josephine who was looking at me. It was Jesus.On the wall of her kitchen Josephine had a crucifix picture hanging. One day I was in her kitchen and stared at that picture. Jesus eyes were slightly open in the picture not exaggerating or making up this I saw Jesus eyes open and looked right at me. It freaked me out then but now I know what he was saying, I love you and I'm here.
All my life I felt the battle and it's taken its effect on me for a long time. There are days I get so tired of it that I just give in, I start to believe the lies, I let the evil spirits counsel me. What I mean is I've always heard two messages as we all do. On the one side I'm good, clean, new, beautiful, a daughter, beloved, secure, lovable on the other I'm everything oppposite. It's like that scene we see in movies with the angel on one soldier the devil on the other. Sometimes the dark voices overpower the kind voice of Jesus. But he knew this would happen. He knew exactly how I would feel today and he also had it predetermined that I would prevail.
I was talking to my best friend this morning and listening to Valleybrook Church's sermon both very important to my life, relationships and God's word. God picked me out of my darkness and sat me right where I could be now to receive his light. So long ago God knew I would need to hear the counsel of a friend and his word to help me bounce back from what I was feeling.
Throughout the book Angel stops listening to the dark voices and that's what I'm starting also to see in my life. Where before it was so loud now they almost are a whisper. The great grace love and God in my life has become so powerful it's drowning out the enemy. There will never be a ceasefire in this battle but we already have the victory through Jesus Christ!
Something else I came to realize is that the enemy fights with the only weapon he has, hate. He hates us but I wonder if anyone ever stopped to realize why? He doesn't have what we have. Satan has been forever rejected by God. He will never know what it's like to be loved by him even though he at one time did. I say I hate him but when I really think about it I pity him. I pity him for his decision to turn against God and cast himself out forever. He fights like this because he doesn't have anything else.
If you have ever been forgiven and the truth is you have by Jesus you know what it feels like to be loved. No matter what you do, have done, or will continue to do, he loves you. He doesn't see you as a mess but a masterpiece. For so long I thought about God all wrong. Now I can see he's nothing like I have ever known. His love for me is unexplainable. I can't even begin to put it into words how thankful I am for all his blessings in my life!
This Christmas I want to celebrate the journey that God has me on. This earthly journey all it's hardships will someday lead to everlasting love and joy and peace and that is reason for everyone to celebrate!
Merry Christmas to you and your family
I love you!
Tina Martina Putney
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Pockets of faithfulness
Lately God's been teaching me about his faithfulness. Honestly the most encouraging thing about scripture to me is that it's filled with promise! Through a series of events in our life God's been bringing back that scripture to my mind. I'd like to share this with you.
So I'm sure you've met our darling baby boy Nathan. If not yet maybe soon! We had to go through some testing with Nathan. He had fluid in his kidney when I was pregnant so we had to follow up after he was born. We went to the 6 week ultrasound and the fluid they found was still there. Next we had to take a VCUG. It's a test that tests where the urine flow is. They have to use a catheter and anyone who's had a catheter knows its not fun at all. I myself had one during labor. It was so bad I was bawling.
So we went to HCMC to get this test done. I had no idea what to expect but went through with it. At first it was ok Nathan even seemed to be enjoying it but then the catheter came in. We were both bawling at this point. So naturally when I was told we had to do this test again I freaked out. My past experience of this was horrid and I wasn't about to go through that again. This time however God had pockets of faithfulness waiting for me.
"Ask anything in my name and it will be done." That's what I kept hearing over the course of these weeks waiting to find out what the next step was. After I was told he had to go in again I heartfelt cried out to God. His response was the above quote. So I asked that they find nothing. He told me "I can't do anything to get you out of the test." As direct as he is to me sometimes I don't really understand what he's saying. I'm learning to give myself grace when I "miss the message" so to speak. I was expecting to find out we had to go through more with this bladder releasing fully problem (which is what HCMC was concerned with) they give it the name post urethral valves. But God had more then results waiting for me.
"All will be well." When he said this I was thinking I know it will be eventually but what about now? During this whole experience God was consistently telling me "All will be well." Again I should have understood what that meant but I didn't. What I thought he was saying was that all will be well eventually but for now I still had to deal with Nathan possibly having something wrong with him.
The greatest news I got was that there was nothing abnormal with Nathan. God was telling me that Nathan was going to be ok RIGHT NOW! I didn't have to wait He had him healed now. I cried out to God and he heard my prayers, he saw my hurting heart, he knew how much this was troubling me and he came through with his faithfulness!
What's the real lesson here? God is always faithful to what he says he will do. If we are to ask anything in his name then what we ask for (assuming it's in his will and timing) will come. God doesn't change, we do. We change when God remains faithful. We change our trust in him when we can see that he is faithful. God gives us pockets of faithfulness.
Scripture is filled with promises! What's most encouraging to me for everyday life is the pockets of faithfulness. God shows his faithfulness in little ways to me, I can't always handle the big ones. With my son having a potential health concern he was very direct but gently worded. He knew a "schooling" of all his promises wouldn't help me feel more confident through this. All I could handle at that time was him drawing on his faithfulness. I could feel he had something good in store, he always does. His direction helped me to see he was working in this circumstance and all I had to do was obey.
God also has been healing an old wound in my heart. I'm afraid of being forgotten. Through visions, dreams, and time with our family God has shown me that I will not be forgotten. When I don't get to spend time with Him he doesn't just leave my side he keeps speaking to me in different ways. I love spending time in scripture but with a close to 4 month old it becomes challenging to find "you" time. No matter what though God is faithful. And with every bit of faithfulness I trust him more. Being forgotten and anxious all the time is not God's will for me. I expected it to be but God wants so much more for me. I know that he wants more for you too!
Whether God heals me completely here from all the pain I've endured in this life or in His kingdom I know that he is faithful. Just when I think I have to figure things out and worry and expect the worst God shows up with his faithfulness. I'm still a working progress but with every pocket of faithfulness I see I trust more and can face another day. I pray that you can see pockets of faithfulness in your life if seeing all the big promises at once is overwhelming. Know that God hears your prayers, cries and pleas. My heart goes out to all those that feel hurt and broken.
I know there's many with broken homes, broken spirits and broken hearts out there tonight may recieving pockets of faithfulness lift you from your circumstance into the loving arms of Father God.
I love you
Tina Martina Putney
So I'm sure you've met our darling baby boy Nathan. If not yet maybe soon! We had to go through some testing with Nathan. He had fluid in his kidney when I was pregnant so we had to follow up after he was born. We went to the 6 week ultrasound and the fluid they found was still there. Next we had to take a VCUG. It's a test that tests where the urine flow is. They have to use a catheter and anyone who's had a catheter knows its not fun at all. I myself had one during labor. It was so bad I was bawling.
So we went to HCMC to get this test done. I had no idea what to expect but went through with it. At first it was ok Nathan even seemed to be enjoying it but then the catheter came in. We were both bawling at this point. So naturally when I was told we had to do this test again I freaked out. My past experience of this was horrid and I wasn't about to go through that again. This time however God had pockets of faithfulness waiting for me.
"Ask anything in my name and it will be done." That's what I kept hearing over the course of these weeks waiting to find out what the next step was. After I was told he had to go in again I heartfelt cried out to God. His response was the above quote. So I asked that they find nothing. He told me "I can't do anything to get you out of the test." As direct as he is to me sometimes I don't really understand what he's saying. I'm learning to give myself grace when I "miss the message" so to speak. I was expecting to find out we had to go through more with this bladder releasing fully problem (which is what HCMC was concerned with) they give it the name post urethral valves. But God had more then results waiting for me.
"All will be well." When he said this I was thinking I know it will be eventually but what about now? During this whole experience God was consistently telling me "All will be well." Again I should have understood what that meant but I didn't. What I thought he was saying was that all will be well eventually but for now I still had to deal with Nathan possibly having something wrong with him.
The greatest news I got was that there was nothing abnormal with Nathan. God was telling me that Nathan was going to be ok RIGHT NOW! I didn't have to wait He had him healed now. I cried out to God and he heard my prayers, he saw my hurting heart, he knew how much this was troubling me and he came through with his faithfulness!
What's the real lesson here? God is always faithful to what he says he will do. If we are to ask anything in his name then what we ask for (assuming it's in his will and timing) will come. God doesn't change, we do. We change when God remains faithful. We change our trust in him when we can see that he is faithful. God gives us pockets of faithfulness.
Scripture is filled with promises! What's most encouraging to me for everyday life is the pockets of faithfulness. God shows his faithfulness in little ways to me, I can't always handle the big ones. With my son having a potential health concern he was very direct but gently worded. He knew a "schooling" of all his promises wouldn't help me feel more confident through this. All I could handle at that time was him drawing on his faithfulness. I could feel he had something good in store, he always does. His direction helped me to see he was working in this circumstance and all I had to do was obey.
God also has been healing an old wound in my heart. I'm afraid of being forgotten. Through visions, dreams, and time with our family God has shown me that I will not be forgotten. When I don't get to spend time with Him he doesn't just leave my side he keeps speaking to me in different ways. I love spending time in scripture but with a close to 4 month old it becomes challenging to find "you" time. No matter what though God is faithful. And with every bit of faithfulness I trust him more. Being forgotten and anxious all the time is not God's will for me. I expected it to be but God wants so much more for me. I know that he wants more for you too!
Whether God heals me completely here from all the pain I've endured in this life or in His kingdom I know that he is faithful. Just when I think I have to figure things out and worry and expect the worst God shows up with his faithfulness. I'm still a working progress but with every pocket of faithfulness I see I trust more and can face another day. I pray that you can see pockets of faithfulness in your life if seeing all the big promises at once is overwhelming. Know that God hears your prayers, cries and pleas. My heart goes out to all those that feel hurt and broken.
I know there's many with broken homes, broken spirits and broken hearts out there tonight may recieving pockets of faithfulness lift you from your circumstance into the loving arms of Father God.
I love you
Tina Martina Putney
Friday, November 7, 2014
Just Wait for this... We've waited long enough
Have you ever heard someone say “just wait for this?” I’ve
heard it over and over all my life and every time I hear those words they
honestly hurt. If there’s one thing that I feel has been attacked repeatedly it’s
our belief. Right off the bat in the garden of Eden Satan tempted Eve and what
she believed he asked her the doubting question “did God really Say?” The
result was catastrophic for mankind. Planting doubt into a person’s mind and
heart is the first step to a broken story.
So all my life I’ve felt as though my beliefs were not
accepted. As if somehow I was always undoubtedly wrong. I think you can
understand what happens to a person who’s made to feel they’re always “off the
mark” so to speak something just doesn’t make sense with what they’re thinking.
Enter in a lot of anxiety and second guessing and shyness to share what your
beliefs are and I became susceptible to anyone’s ideas advice and warnings.
Advice is needed and very welcome when it comes with the right spirit and
source. Too often I’ve experienced the destructive just wait for this. To me it’s
just as heart breaking as the question Satan asked Eve. It has just as devastating
an effect. Fast forward to 28 years down the line with a newborn son and
husband and those wounds are still present.
Recently I had a moment of truth wash over some of the lies
I’ve believed. Babysitting always terrified me, leaving my child in someone
else’s care while my child is screaming is the worst I could have ever expected
from our babysitting experience. Sundays Nathan goes to the nursery while we’re
at church and now Thursdays we have a babysitter lined up. I can’t begin to say
how relieving it is that I can drop my son off to a nursery volunteer and pick
him up and hear “he did great!” It literally chokes me up to think of how much
time I spent stressing over how my future child would behave when I wasn’t there
to take care of them. I dreaded that experience all my life and through much
praying God has been able to show me the reality of my son.
He’s never had a problem going to anyone in three months. For
three months we’ve taken him to places with us had him meet all sorts of people
and every time he surprises me how well he takes it. Then God tells me ”This is
my answer to all the prayers you’ve prayed. “Remember when you prayed your son
would know he’s loved whether you’re with him or not?” I’m literally seeing the
fruits of those prayers. This has been engrained in me to worry about so it’s
going to take time to heal this belief that my child will fall apart without me
but I know the truth is God gave me the child that is perfect for my husband
and I. Of course not every drop off and pick up will go smoothly but if I can
save myself a little bit of anxiety when I leave Nathan I know I’ll breathe a
lot better.
Lately God’s put it on my heart to study his word by reading
commentaries and writing down what I read. I’ve been in the last chapters of John
and beginning Acts. One of the most exciting things I read so far is that believers
are encouraged to expect God’s presence and favor. This is so important to me because
all my life I wanted to live like this. I wanted to put everything in God’s
hands. The sad truth is that my teaching was a lot different.
I was taught to worry, be anxious, try and figure everything
out, be ridiculed for trying, be afraid of what others think about me, not
practice my instincts essentially not be the person God created me to be. Tears
fill my eyes as I write this because I am learning new ways to live. Instead of
worry I pray, instead of trying to figure everything out I allow God to work
things out, instead of being ridiculed I’m loved and embraced for what I think
and feel, instead of being afraid what others think of me I hear what God
thinks of me and brings me so much comfort. Not being able to practice my
instincts has scarred me in so many ways.
It’s left me unsure of what I’m really capable of, it’s left
me scared to try and fail, it’s blocked my thought process in situations and
most frightening to me left me paralyzed unsure of where to make my next move.
What’s so freeing to me now is I can operate in my instincts. God has given
everyone an instinctive drive that helps them through any situation. Recently I’ve
been able to listen to my instincts a lot in raising our son. My husband and I
realized recently we differ in this area I operate in my instincts with finding
out what Nathan needs and Zechariah reads the situation and processes it and
then suggests plans of action. It’s very crucial to have both sets of parenting
and they complement each other well. It’s such a joy and honor to raise our son
with you sweetheart! Love you with all my heart!
So I would definitely mark this a sweet time in my life as
God takes me deeper into his word I realize that’s where the truth lies. To
every lie the enemy has ever told me I have a truth to now replace that with.
It’s paramount for me and all believers to be in his Word if we ever want to
combat the enemy’s attacks. But we can’t do this alone. We need solid Christian
friends and family to walk us into who God created us to be. My heart is that
all on the side of truth would live it. “There is no condemnation for those who
are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 Isn’t it time we stop living like we’re
awaiting it? I know I’m tired of feeling punishment is all I’ll receive. I can’t
wait to run into Jesus arms sigh and say I hope there’s nothing left that I
haven’t given back to you.
There will always be pain, death and destruction in this
world but I want to take Jesus advice and take heart because he has overcome
the world. When those lies come I want to be able to combat them and stand on
the truth that has promised to set me free.
I pray this for you also.
Love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney
Friday, October 17, 2014
A new insanity
Have you ever used the phrase new normal? I have several times. When I am in a transition I use that to help me cope. It helps me to know that changes are happening but things will settle again into a new normal with a new routine. But I'm starting to embrace a new insanity!
While talking to David today I paused and shared this revelation with him. I said "having a child is a new insanity." He told me I should write about that so here goes! To me this means that everything changed once I had my son. My temper has greatly decreased with having Nathan around. I want to protect Nathan from all harm. Anger has been a really destructive emotion for my life as I'm sure it is for many others also. So in order for my son to be safe I had to embrace more calm. Being married to a calm person of nature helps a lot in this process. However I'm now starting to realize how essential staying calm really is. It's not just safe for Nathan but it's also safe for my family and me.
So when things come up that are threatening the calm environment I want to establish for my son I have to remember who I'm doing it for. Hospitals and doctors always scared me but now I have to put my faith and trust in them to take care of our son. I have to trust in their training and experience as does any parent. At the same time all I want to do is hold Nathan and not let any pain come to him. This is what I call a new insanity.
In two months I have been so in love with my son that I couldn't imagine life without him! He makes me a better person in every way because I now have to challenge all my beliefs and put my trust in situations that I have no experience in. I have no idea how to heal a sick child I'm not just talking about the common cold but I know there are medical professionals that can. At the same time I can't stand putting my son through any kind of pain. I want him to get better I just don't want him to feel any pain to get there. This is insanity because lets face it in order for something to get better we have to go through pain.
Words don't even come close to describe how much I love my son. I love his smile, his coos, his alert eyes taking everything in. I see him as a precious gift from God because that's what he is. When he cries I used to be so anxious and just wanted to make him stop but now I have embraced him communicating something is wrong. When he coos I can't help but laugh, when he smiles he melts my heart.
One night I was really stressed out and Nathan was feeding. I looked down at him and as just staring at me. He then smiled at me and in a second all my stress vanished. This is what I call a new insanity. I'm learning a love so crazy that it can take what I'm feeling and turn it around in a second! I'm also learning the most important lesson in this. God loves us with this kind of love!
Jeremiah 31:3 uses the term everlasting love, to me that's a better way to define a new insanity. Everlasting means no end no matter what. This is what I am learning with my son. No matter what we go through together I will always love him. We are going to have those days where we may not like each other but I will always see the gift he is and pray for him to remain that in my heart. My greatest prayer for Nathan is that he can know even when we are not with him physically he can know that spiritually we are right by his side.
To me motherhood is a gift from God. I get to partner with him to raise one of his own. There of course will be days I'll need to be reminded of that which is why I'm so thankful for the community God's built around me and my family. I have been waiting for my son long before pregnancy started and now that he's finally here I don't intend on wasting this precious time I've been given. It's true I've had to give up things in order to be Nathan's mom but what I had to give up can not at all come close to the moments I get to share with my son everyday.
I love him with God's love because I feel he has given me eyes to see him as He sees him. I had a vision the Jesus called Nathan his sweet baby boy. That vision has helped me to see Nathan as that in my eyes. He lights up a room and can sit through worship without making a peep. God has blessed us with this beautiful child! I pray that I and Zechariah and our family and friends can embrace our son with God's love. It's crazy and insane and it will never stop no matter what! I'm most thankful to be taught what a new insanity looks like.
When I look at my son I know God's showing me how crazy he is about us! When my heart melts when my son smiles that's what God's heart is doing when we laugh or smile! When we spend time with him he melts! It's crazy how much God loves his children but that's just what we are and that's just what he does. He loves with an everlasting love just like having Nathan has become a new insanity for me we are always one for Him!
I pray we can see our children through His eyes! I pray we can see ourselves through His eyes! He came down from Heaven suffered, died, bled, rose, and defeated death for us just so we could spent Eternity with him! If you ask me that's crazy love everlasting love. Here's the greatest gift of all He offers it to us everyday! I pray we can lay down our lives and desires and attitudes and take up His. He will never leave us nor forsake us. May you be blessed to know you are a Child of the One True King today and everyday of your life!
I love you with all my heart and with His love!
Tina Martina Putney
While talking to David today I paused and shared this revelation with him. I said "having a child is a new insanity." He told me I should write about that so here goes! To me this means that everything changed once I had my son. My temper has greatly decreased with having Nathan around. I want to protect Nathan from all harm. Anger has been a really destructive emotion for my life as I'm sure it is for many others also. So in order for my son to be safe I had to embrace more calm. Being married to a calm person of nature helps a lot in this process. However I'm now starting to realize how essential staying calm really is. It's not just safe for Nathan but it's also safe for my family and me.
So when things come up that are threatening the calm environment I want to establish for my son I have to remember who I'm doing it for. Hospitals and doctors always scared me but now I have to put my faith and trust in them to take care of our son. I have to trust in their training and experience as does any parent. At the same time all I want to do is hold Nathan and not let any pain come to him. This is what I call a new insanity.
In two months I have been so in love with my son that I couldn't imagine life without him! He makes me a better person in every way because I now have to challenge all my beliefs and put my trust in situations that I have no experience in. I have no idea how to heal a sick child I'm not just talking about the common cold but I know there are medical professionals that can. At the same time I can't stand putting my son through any kind of pain. I want him to get better I just don't want him to feel any pain to get there. This is insanity because lets face it in order for something to get better we have to go through pain.
Words don't even come close to describe how much I love my son. I love his smile, his coos, his alert eyes taking everything in. I see him as a precious gift from God because that's what he is. When he cries I used to be so anxious and just wanted to make him stop but now I have embraced him communicating something is wrong. When he coos I can't help but laugh, when he smiles he melts my heart.
One night I was really stressed out and Nathan was feeding. I looked down at him and as just staring at me. He then smiled at me and in a second all my stress vanished. This is what I call a new insanity. I'm learning a love so crazy that it can take what I'm feeling and turn it around in a second! I'm also learning the most important lesson in this. God loves us with this kind of love!
Jeremiah 31:3 uses the term everlasting love, to me that's a better way to define a new insanity. Everlasting means no end no matter what. This is what I am learning with my son. No matter what we go through together I will always love him. We are going to have those days where we may not like each other but I will always see the gift he is and pray for him to remain that in my heart. My greatest prayer for Nathan is that he can know even when we are not with him physically he can know that spiritually we are right by his side.
To me motherhood is a gift from God. I get to partner with him to raise one of his own. There of course will be days I'll need to be reminded of that which is why I'm so thankful for the community God's built around me and my family. I have been waiting for my son long before pregnancy started and now that he's finally here I don't intend on wasting this precious time I've been given. It's true I've had to give up things in order to be Nathan's mom but what I had to give up can not at all come close to the moments I get to share with my son everyday.
I love him with God's love because I feel he has given me eyes to see him as He sees him. I had a vision the Jesus called Nathan his sweet baby boy. That vision has helped me to see Nathan as that in my eyes. He lights up a room and can sit through worship without making a peep. God has blessed us with this beautiful child! I pray that I and Zechariah and our family and friends can embrace our son with God's love. It's crazy and insane and it will never stop no matter what! I'm most thankful to be taught what a new insanity looks like.
When I look at my son I know God's showing me how crazy he is about us! When my heart melts when my son smiles that's what God's heart is doing when we laugh or smile! When we spend time with him he melts! It's crazy how much God loves his children but that's just what we are and that's just what he does. He loves with an everlasting love just like having Nathan has become a new insanity for me we are always one for Him!
I pray we can see our children through His eyes! I pray we can see ourselves through His eyes! He came down from Heaven suffered, died, bled, rose, and defeated death for us just so we could spent Eternity with him! If you ask me that's crazy love everlasting love. Here's the greatest gift of all He offers it to us everyday! I pray we can lay down our lives and desires and attitudes and take up His. He will never leave us nor forsake us. May you be blessed to know you are a Child of the One True King today and everyday of your life!
I love you with all my heart and with His love!
Tina Martina Putney
Monday, October 6, 2014
The restorer
Luke 10: 49-53
So this scripture always scared me. It says mother in law will be against daughter in law. If there's anything more scary to me it's conflict with family. This scripture made me afraid to be married for fear of being an in law. I expected to to have disputes with my mother in law. I expected a painful and broken relationship. God is really the restorer of relationships.
Yesterday was a big day for Wendy's and my relationship. After an opportunity to share feelings arose, the fear of division with my mom in law ceased. God led me to write a message to my mom in law that shared what was truthfully going on in my mind and heart. I expected to offend her but instead I got an apology. This post is all about God restoring relationships. Before I talked with Wendy God told me what to do. I was afraid to share my feelings because of what could have happened.
God is far above what we think or feel at the moment. He restores healthy relationships in our lives because he loves us. He asks us to give up painful or even good ones for better and more permanent ones. Through the misunderstandings, disputes, great times and bad times God will keep going the right relationships for our lives like he showed me with Wendy. He'll give us the words to say, action to take, gesture to make, ideas of reconciliation. He really does not want us to be alone. Isn't it time we let go of the relationships that just seem to bring us down?
To the fatherless he gives them a new one, to the weary he gives rest, to the wanderer he gives community, to the sinner he offers forgiveness, to the alienated he restores relationships. How do I know this you may ask? It happened in my life and is still happening! When I expect punishment He meets me with grace and mercy. I can't express words of thanks and praise loud enough!
Another revelation I received yesterday was with our church. We cheered on runners at the twin cities marathon. Seeing so many people supporting such a good cause brought tears to my eyes. People were doing something together for good. It was a beautiful picture of Heaven! We're all running a race, all different paces but hopefully we're all going to the same place! I don't know about you but I want to finish my race with as many people as I can finish with!
Another revelation of restoration God's brought in my life is our church community. I'm so used to finding a church and then being uprooted and having to find another one. Yesterday however God reminded me of our church and how in November we've been attending and serving here for 2 years! The first time Zechariah and I came to our church together God told me I was coming home. After one experience with our church in the cities over summer God brought me back and now 2 years later my husband and I never left! God has given me and my family a church to build roots in!
Every single day God shows me something new about His love and His character that changes my perspective on things. I also realize how much more of Him I need. Without His love I would do alot of things wrong, make the wrong decisions and probably destroy the relationships God has built in my life. I pray you'll join me in Thanking God everyday for His love because we really do need it. I pray that we can all come to see God as a restorer of our relationships because He truly does not want us to be alone!
All my love
Tina Martina Putney
So this scripture always scared me. It says mother in law will be against daughter in law. If there's anything more scary to me it's conflict with family. This scripture made me afraid to be married for fear of being an in law. I expected to to have disputes with my mother in law. I expected a painful and broken relationship. God is really the restorer of relationships.
Yesterday was a big day for Wendy's and my relationship. After an opportunity to share feelings arose, the fear of division with my mom in law ceased. God led me to write a message to my mom in law that shared what was truthfully going on in my mind and heart. I expected to offend her but instead I got an apology. This post is all about God restoring relationships. Before I talked with Wendy God told me what to do. I was afraid to share my feelings because of what could have happened.
God is far above what we think or feel at the moment. He restores healthy relationships in our lives because he loves us. He asks us to give up painful or even good ones for better and more permanent ones. Through the misunderstandings, disputes, great times and bad times God will keep going the right relationships for our lives like he showed me with Wendy. He'll give us the words to say, action to take, gesture to make, ideas of reconciliation. He really does not want us to be alone. Isn't it time we let go of the relationships that just seem to bring us down?
To the fatherless he gives them a new one, to the weary he gives rest, to the wanderer he gives community, to the sinner he offers forgiveness, to the alienated he restores relationships. How do I know this you may ask? It happened in my life and is still happening! When I expect punishment He meets me with grace and mercy. I can't express words of thanks and praise loud enough!
Another revelation I received yesterday was with our church. We cheered on runners at the twin cities marathon. Seeing so many people supporting such a good cause brought tears to my eyes. People were doing something together for good. It was a beautiful picture of Heaven! We're all running a race, all different paces but hopefully we're all going to the same place! I don't know about you but I want to finish my race with as many people as I can finish with!
Another revelation of restoration God's brought in my life is our church community. I'm so used to finding a church and then being uprooted and having to find another one. Yesterday however God reminded me of our church and how in November we've been attending and serving here for 2 years! The first time Zechariah and I came to our church together God told me I was coming home. After one experience with our church in the cities over summer God brought me back and now 2 years later my husband and I never left! God has given me and my family a church to build roots in!
Every single day God shows me something new about His love and His character that changes my perspective on things. I also realize how much more of Him I need. Without His love I would do alot of things wrong, make the wrong decisions and probably destroy the relationships God has built in my life. I pray you'll join me in Thanking God everyday for His love because we really do need it. I pray that we can all come to see God as a restorer of our relationships because He truly does not want us to be alone!
All my love
Tina Martina Putney
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Visions and Restoration
So this post is about restoration...
It started with a book Zechariah is reading and started telling me what he was reading in it. At first I thought it was just a book for him and we'd be able to share what he got out out of it. Then he started talking about the mountain and how hard of a journey the character Much- Afraid has to get to the high places. Suddenly a light bulb went off in my head and my ears were wide open. This is often times what I felt about my journey.
In the book "Hinds' Feet on High Places" Much- Afraid is accompanied with sorrow and suffering through much of her journey to the high places. On her way she is also able to speak with the Good Shepherd who is an allegory of Jesus. What struck me this morning was when they talked about Much-Afraid going though the low place to get to the high places being the mountain. Originally I intended to share visions God has given me to relate but after listening to a sermon from Valleybrook Church about a love that restores I knew the meaning was much more!
In order for Much- Afraid to get to the high places she had to pass through the low places first. In my life I had to climb over the mountain of abuse and pass by the sea of loneliness. My story is marked with abuse and loneliness. In order to get to where I am now I had to go through the rough stuff first. The physical wounds heal a lot faster then the emotional wounds left on an abused heart. There's the potential for this to backfire on me as I write this by negative feedback made by my dad but my intent is only to share a part of my journey with you.
When Zechariah was describing Much-Afraid's journey the vision I immediately saw was a maze and myself trying desperately to try to find the way out. That maze was my story. I always thought I was getting somewhere only to discover I hit another dead end. After sometime hitting dead ends I just about gave up fighting my way out until one day I saw a white light lighting my path. I took one look back at the maze and walked toward the light. I believe that maze represents my life without Christ. It also represents me without knowing the love that is in Jesus Christ. I'm not even sure what I looked like back then now but I can't imagine it was pretty. I know I was angry almost all of the time, I know I was desperate to do things on my own, I know I relied on my own understanding and called that "good enough." That all changed when I saw the light.
I'm going to be transparent and say that it took me until about last year to learn who I am, who's I am, and most importantly my purpose. Life is so much different now! I still am in a maze but this time with no dead ends and God is right there with me guiding me through every step of the way!! I couldn't imagine life without him!! Being in the low places of my life has really helped me to appreciate the high places he has me moving towards now!
Back to the light in the maze for a brief moment. When I saw that light I finally felt I had a sense of direction. I finally could see the path laid out for me. I'm going to equate this too the decision I had to make back in 2012. In the moment I finally agreed with God's plan did I feel a goodness to me. Before then I always saw and thought the worst about myself. I mean really bad thoughts I wouldn't really even accept someone complimenting me and definitely not seeing me. I was ok being invisible and to just fade into the background. Yeah I acted did some plays and forensics in school but I never felt my worth in any of it. I didn't really see what I contributed to anything I did.
It was when I discovered who's I was that I started to understand. He doesn't see me the way I've always seen myself! He sees me as a daughter and a princess and calls me Nala! God is my restorer! He took me as I was and made something beautiful come out. He's still shaping me still molding me but always gently and lovingly showing me who he is and how much he loves me. I understand now that the journey I took I had to in order to be where he wanted me to be for the people I was supposed to know and love now.
The sea of loneliness leads me to share another vision. One day at NCU during chapel I was worshiping and all of a sudden my feet felt cold and I opened my eyes but God told me to close them. I did and that cold feeling came back only this time I saw it was water. I asked God what that water was and he told me the "River of Life." I felt it rush through my whole body and I never felt so much peace! It was so real but supernatural all at the same time! I no longer have to be alone. God has filled me with his living water! Being his daughter is such a priveledge and honor but not I'm not just walking with God for me but for Nathan.
Babies are tough work any parent will tell you that. Especially when they're wailing while feeding its tough to keep it together. That moment happened today. I just wanted to be left alone and unstress so I had Zechariah take Nathan for a bit. He laid him down for a nap and we ate lunch. While we were eating lunch we were listening to the sermon. When I heard Pastor Doug preach about a love that restores immediately I saw Nathan when he was first born and his beautiful blue eyes looking at me. I settled just like that knowing no matter what God would always restore my love for him. I love my boy so much I can't even begin to explain it but I know there will be times I'll need God to restore that in me. I'm so happy that we have a God that loves us so much to restore us, restore our love for him and others he brings into our lives!
A song by Carrie Underwood that I feel applies here is "Starts with goodbye" She talks about letting go of some things she's loved to get to the other side. That's what we all have to do at one point or another in our lives. We have to let go of situations, places, sometimes people that are holding us back from God's best. The reward however is so much greater knowing you're following the desire of God's will for you. I know the road to my high places will be challenging and that's how it's meant to be however I also know that focusing on the right direction for me Jesus's face is all I need to keep going and win the race set before me. I pray the same for you! I pray you can overcome the mountains in your life! I pray we together can see our restored selves and embrace them as Jesus so quickly wishes to!! Let's take these mountains on together!
All my love
Tina Martina Putney
It started with a book Zechariah is reading and started telling me what he was reading in it. At first I thought it was just a book for him and we'd be able to share what he got out out of it. Then he started talking about the mountain and how hard of a journey the character Much- Afraid has to get to the high places. Suddenly a light bulb went off in my head and my ears were wide open. This is often times what I felt about my journey.
In the book "Hinds' Feet on High Places" Much- Afraid is accompanied with sorrow and suffering through much of her journey to the high places. On her way she is also able to speak with the Good Shepherd who is an allegory of Jesus. What struck me this morning was when they talked about Much-Afraid going though the low place to get to the high places being the mountain. Originally I intended to share visions God has given me to relate but after listening to a sermon from Valleybrook Church about a love that restores I knew the meaning was much more!
In order for Much- Afraid to get to the high places she had to pass through the low places first. In my life I had to climb over the mountain of abuse and pass by the sea of loneliness. My story is marked with abuse and loneliness. In order to get to where I am now I had to go through the rough stuff first. The physical wounds heal a lot faster then the emotional wounds left on an abused heart. There's the potential for this to backfire on me as I write this by negative feedback made by my dad but my intent is only to share a part of my journey with you.
When Zechariah was describing Much-Afraid's journey the vision I immediately saw was a maze and myself trying desperately to try to find the way out. That maze was my story. I always thought I was getting somewhere only to discover I hit another dead end. After sometime hitting dead ends I just about gave up fighting my way out until one day I saw a white light lighting my path. I took one look back at the maze and walked toward the light. I believe that maze represents my life without Christ. It also represents me without knowing the love that is in Jesus Christ. I'm not even sure what I looked like back then now but I can't imagine it was pretty. I know I was angry almost all of the time, I know I was desperate to do things on my own, I know I relied on my own understanding and called that "good enough." That all changed when I saw the light.
I'm going to be transparent and say that it took me until about last year to learn who I am, who's I am, and most importantly my purpose. Life is so much different now! I still am in a maze but this time with no dead ends and God is right there with me guiding me through every step of the way!! I couldn't imagine life without him!! Being in the low places of my life has really helped me to appreciate the high places he has me moving towards now!
Back to the light in the maze for a brief moment. When I saw that light I finally felt I had a sense of direction. I finally could see the path laid out for me. I'm going to equate this too the decision I had to make back in 2012. In the moment I finally agreed with God's plan did I feel a goodness to me. Before then I always saw and thought the worst about myself. I mean really bad thoughts I wouldn't really even accept someone complimenting me and definitely not seeing me. I was ok being invisible and to just fade into the background. Yeah I acted did some plays and forensics in school but I never felt my worth in any of it. I didn't really see what I contributed to anything I did.
It was when I discovered who's I was that I started to understand. He doesn't see me the way I've always seen myself! He sees me as a daughter and a princess and calls me Nala! God is my restorer! He took me as I was and made something beautiful come out. He's still shaping me still molding me but always gently and lovingly showing me who he is and how much he loves me. I understand now that the journey I took I had to in order to be where he wanted me to be for the people I was supposed to know and love now.
The sea of loneliness leads me to share another vision. One day at NCU during chapel I was worshiping and all of a sudden my feet felt cold and I opened my eyes but God told me to close them. I did and that cold feeling came back only this time I saw it was water. I asked God what that water was and he told me the "River of Life." I felt it rush through my whole body and I never felt so much peace! It was so real but supernatural all at the same time! I no longer have to be alone. God has filled me with his living water! Being his daughter is such a priveledge and honor but not I'm not just walking with God for me but for Nathan.
Babies are tough work any parent will tell you that. Especially when they're wailing while feeding its tough to keep it together. That moment happened today. I just wanted to be left alone and unstress so I had Zechariah take Nathan for a bit. He laid him down for a nap and we ate lunch. While we were eating lunch we were listening to the sermon. When I heard Pastor Doug preach about a love that restores immediately I saw Nathan when he was first born and his beautiful blue eyes looking at me. I settled just like that knowing no matter what God would always restore my love for him. I love my boy so much I can't even begin to explain it but I know there will be times I'll need God to restore that in me. I'm so happy that we have a God that loves us so much to restore us, restore our love for him and others he brings into our lives!
A song by Carrie Underwood that I feel applies here is "Starts with goodbye" She talks about letting go of some things she's loved to get to the other side. That's what we all have to do at one point or another in our lives. We have to let go of situations, places, sometimes people that are holding us back from God's best. The reward however is so much greater knowing you're following the desire of God's will for you. I know the road to my high places will be challenging and that's how it's meant to be however I also know that focusing on the right direction for me Jesus's face is all I need to keep going and win the race set before me. I pray the same for you! I pray you can overcome the mountains in your life! I pray we together can see our restored selves and embrace them as Jesus so quickly wishes to!! Let's take these mountains on together!
All my love
Tina Martina Putney
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Another birthday, Another year to make memories
So now that my birthday has come and gone I get to reflect on 28 years! Wow life is truly an adventure!! You guys read the blog about mine and Zechariah's earlier days in our relationship. To be at this point in such a small amount of time is amazing to me!!
We're parents!!! We have the cutest and sweetest little guy to raise in the way he should go at home!! It's such a joy to finally be a mommy even with the spit up!! Yesterday all three of us took a "family nap" I'm telling you those are the moments I live for!! Being cuddled up close with my favorite boys there's nothing better!!! We went out for lunch watched moms night out I had youth group and went to applebees for half of appetizers!!
If you would have told me a year ago this is what life would look like now I wouldn't have believed you. It's to fun to hang out with my best friend and son all day long. Hopefully Zechariah will be going back to work soon but for now I'm enjoying the season of having him home!! I've come to love the teamwork we've been able to share. I also enjoy the quiet moments that I have to myself. In these moments I can truly reflect on and think about where God has brought me!
From WI to MN from single to married from married to parents all in a matter of two years!!! God is really a magnificent story teller!! To think I could have made different choices that would have made everything look totally different now. We've all been there stayed in an unhealthy relationship to long, drug on an unhealthy friendship, believed a lie about yourself that you claim to be fact, stayed in a season to long resisting change. I'm no different I still catch myself every now and then resisting change or healing just because of instability. I need to know what to expect. Dear friends and family of mine will be able to tell you I like surprises but at the same time I want to figure out what's going on. It makes our house interesting :)
What I have come to realize last night as I was talking to Zechariah is that we are all in the exact spot God wants to be in that moment. We are all in the exact season God has us in. Ecclesiastes 3 says there is a time for everything. When you read that scripture you see how true it is no matter what you believe about destiny, fate or predetermined destiny. It's just a fact of life there is a time for everything! I believe this is my time to plant, heal, embrace, gather stones, build, and love.
Being a new mom I get to now plant so to speak my family where it blooms. We get to create a new legacy for our baby Nathan that wouldn't have been possible in any other time of our lives. Heal from a long journey of lonliness, being replaced, distant family, I get to heal from unmet needs and expectations. It's not going to be a pain free journey but it's going to be freeing to let it all go now and pick up my new life. Embrace the season I'm in. I'm a mom from here on out no matter what I will always have someone to protect, pray over, for and with, take care of, teach, and love unconditionally, most important I have a disciple at home to teach about who Jesus is and how he loves us!!Gather stones instead of living a path of destruction I get to put the pieces together and create a masterpiece! Build up my family, friends, youth God puts on my heart, myself even, we all get a chance to become who we're meant to be. This is my time to pour into all God places on my heart to love, encourage, lead, love, see, hear, live life with. Lastly but most importantly love. No more anger and bitterness I can let go of that and pick up love now. I know that I am to love and be loved. Can there be a better time to put this into practice then with a newborn baby at home yearning for it?
I've been through alot of seasons in my life but this by far is my favorite one!! I'm seeing myself in ways I never thought I would. It's been a long hard journey to get here but my trust in God has grown so much as it needed to!! I love being a wife and mother but my favorite is being God's daughter!! I love him so much and I'm going to embrace the season he has me in because to not be content would be me saying "I love you but this just isn't good enough." How could I possibly say that to my daddy who has made me feel always good enough?? I'm going to embrace what God has for me because it's so special. He didn't have to give me the life he did but I'm so glad he chose to. This is my story this is my song praising my savior all the day long are words from blessed assurance. I'm assured that I am right where God wants and needs me to be.
Let me leave you with this question: What season or time or you in?
Love you
Tina Martina Putney
We're parents!!! We have the cutest and sweetest little guy to raise in the way he should go at home!! It's such a joy to finally be a mommy even with the spit up!! Yesterday all three of us took a "family nap" I'm telling you those are the moments I live for!! Being cuddled up close with my favorite boys there's nothing better!!! We went out for lunch watched moms night out I had youth group and went to applebees for half of appetizers!!
If you would have told me a year ago this is what life would look like now I wouldn't have believed you. It's to fun to hang out with my best friend and son all day long. Hopefully Zechariah will be going back to work soon but for now I'm enjoying the season of having him home!! I've come to love the teamwork we've been able to share. I also enjoy the quiet moments that I have to myself. In these moments I can truly reflect on and think about where God has brought me!
From WI to MN from single to married from married to parents all in a matter of two years!!! God is really a magnificent story teller!! To think I could have made different choices that would have made everything look totally different now. We've all been there stayed in an unhealthy relationship to long, drug on an unhealthy friendship, believed a lie about yourself that you claim to be fact, stayed in a season to long resisting change. I'm no different I still catch myself every now and then resisting change or healing just because of instability. I need to know what to expect. Dear friends and family of mine will be able to tell you I like surprises but at the same time I want to figure out what's going on. It makes our house interesting :)
What I have come to realize last night as I was talking to Zechariah is that we are all in the exact spot God wants to be in that moment. We are all in the exact season God has us in. Ecclesiastes 3 says there is a time for everything. When you read that scripture you see how true it is no matter what you believe about destiny, fate or predetermined destiny. It's just a fact of life there is a time for everything! I believe this is my time to plant, heal, embrace, gather stones, build, and love.
Being a new mom I get to now plant so to speak my family where it blooms. We get to create a new legacy for our baby Nathan that wouldn't have been possible in any other time of our lives. Heal from a long journey of lonliness, being replaced, distant family, I get to heal from unmet needs and expectations. It's not going to be a pain free journey but it's going to be freeing to let it all go now and pick up my new life. Embrace the season I'm in. I'm a mom from here on out no matter what I will always have someone to protect, pray over, for and with, take care of, teach, and love unconditionally, most important I have a disciple at home to teach about who Jesus is and how he loves us!!Gather stones instead of living a path of destruction I get to put the pieces together and create a masterpiece! Build up my family, friends, youth God puts on my heart, myself even, we all get a chance to become who we're meant to be. This is my time to pour into all God places on my heart to love, encourage, lead, love, see, hear, live life with. Lastly but most importantly love. No more anger and bitterness I can let go of that and pick up love now. I know that I am to love and be loved. Can there be a better time to put this into practice then with a newborn baby at home yearning for it?
I've been through alot of seasons in my life but this by far is my favorite one!! I'm seeing myself in ways I never thought I would. It's been a long hard journey to get here but my trust in God has grown so much as it needed to!! I love being a wife and mother but my favorite is being God's daughter!! I love him so much and I'm going to embrace the season he has me in because to not be content would be me saying "I love you but this just isn't good enough." How could I possibly say that to my daddy who has made me feel always good enough?? I'm going to embrace what God has for me because it's so special. He didn't have to give me the life he did but I'm so glad he chose to. This is my story this is my song praising my savior all the day long are words from blessed assurance. I'm assured that I am right where God wants and needs me to be.
Let me leave you with this question: What season or time or you in?
Love you
Tina Martina Putney
Thursday, September 4, 2014
One month with my son!!
It's incredible to me that a month ago I finally got to hold my baby boy in my arms! On August 4th 2014 Nathan Michael Putney entered our world! Words can't describe how I feel about him and how much I love watching him grow!! He's quite the big guy too he's already about 12 pounds!! Just a month ago I was dealing with the worst pain I've ever felt and now 1 month later I'm able to write out my thoughts.
This month has been crazy! From peace to chaos it seems to have turned overnight. Both Zechariah and I have gotten little sleep in these past four weeks. The thing I love about us is that we are determined to focus on each other no matter what new season we're in. Zechariah is always doing his best to search out my heart and what I'm feeling. There are days that will feel like you can't do anything right. Yesturday was one of those days for me.
After a stressful 3 weeks I finally opened up and what happened afterwards was beautiful! We have a wall decoration on our bookcase that says family holds the key to your heart. Zechariah is usually always able to tell how I'm doing and know when I need to talk, take a walk, be with a friend, take care of my sons needs. The stress of this past month is trying to find our "new normal." We know having a baby changes everything.
At a church house Zechariah and I go to on Tuesday nights we were prophesied over and Nathan too! He was supposed to bring us together not drive us apart. It's felt like what Gods wanted for us was being attacked by the enemy and not until yesturday did we actually see that prophecy fulfilled. We're back to the marriage God established! We're working as a team again! It's beautiful and I love my husband more dearly now! Yesturday a friend of ours was over and Zechariah had Nathan in his arms and was just walking him around our kitchen telling him what everything was. It was the cutest thing!
Watching my husband be a father is a beautiful thing! He says the same for me! We love each other and our son! We're a family and we cherish that! Our newborn pictures I think do a great job of showing this! Well with a week old baby we went to a camp in Wisconsin (yup the three of us).
You're probably going "are you nuts" at this point! We love to travel and want to get Nathan accustomed to it also. During the earlier part of this summer God put going back to camp on my heart. I knew I was going to be having a newborn soon so I didn't know how that would be possible but God kept bringing camp back to me. So August 10-15 we were in Wisconsin. Zechariah and I weren't staying together over night. He stayed at a house with guys and I stayed with missionaries and Nathan. Some nights I was crying because of a very unhappy baby boy but I also learned the most important lesson that week which I'd like to share with you. No matter what never give up.
Breastfeeding is hard and I was just about to give up but my breastfeeding mentor encouraged me. I kept at it and found that towards the end of the week it got easier. I also recognized that I got a lot more calm and so did Nathan! There were nights I didn't know how I was going to make it through but we made it. Once I understood that I was never going to give up it became easier to keep going. Just like in the delivery room I had a job to do and I was going to finish it! My son needed me to not give up for many reasons but mainly to show him that we never give up!
Another lesson I learned is community is vital to a fulfilled life! Camp was amazing and it's filled with great people it was a joy to come back a second year! I already asked Zechariah if we could consider coming back another year as a family! Taking a week old baby to Wisconsin is crazy but God was showing me the importance of community! Life is never supposed to be done alone. I was expecting to be taking care of Nathan myself as Zechariah goes to work. What actually happened was that God was showing us the need to be together and be around community now. Not one part of this have I done alone. The beautiful thing is now I don't want to!
Zechariah will be going to work soon but we'll still be focusing on our teamwork. When God brings you a partner you don't get to be alone! Even if he's not going to be home all the time he'll still be helping with taking care of our boy! I couldn't imagine doing this any other way! I love working as a team with my husband it helps life to feel balanced when everything else around us may not be!
As we continue this journey of parenthood please keep praying for our teamwork and communication. We don't want 3 voices in our conversations when it's just us two talking. Community is vital to your life it has become essential in ours!! Our church family has blessed us like crazy during this season and we are so grateful for all their help! I'm praying you can find yourselves in beautiful community as well!!
Thank you to all who've helped,supported and loved on our family during this time! We love you and are praying for you!
Tina Martina Putney
This month has been crazy! From peace to chaos it seems to have turned overnight. Both Zechariah and I have gotten little sleep in these past four weeks. The thing I love about us is that we are determined to focus on each other no matter what new season we're in. Zechariah is always doing his best to search out my heart and what I'm feeling. There are days that will feel like you can't do anything right. Yesturday was one of those days for me.
After a stressful 3 weeks I finally opened up and what happened afterwards was beautiful! We have a wall decoration on our bookcase that says family holds the key to your heart. Zechariah is usually always able to tell how I'm doing and know when I need to talk, take a walk, be with a friend, take care of my sons needs. The stress of this past month is trying to find our "new normal." We know having a baby changes everything.
At a church house Zechariah and I go to on Tuesday nights we were prophesied over and Nathan too! He was supposed to bring us together not drive us apart. It's felt like what Gods wanted for us was being attacked by the enemy and not until yesturday did we actually see that prophecy fulfilled. We're back to the marriage God established! We're working as a team again! It's beautiful and I love my husband more dearly now! Yesturday a friend of ours was over and Zechariah had Nathan in his arms and was just walking him around our kitchen telling him what everything was. It was the cutest thing!
Watching my husband be a father is a beautiful thing! He says the same for me! We love each other and our son! We're a family and we cherish that! Our newborn pictures I think do a great job of showing this! Well with a week old baby we went to a camp in Wisconsin (yup the three of us).
You're probably going "are you nuts" at this point! We love to travel and want to get Nathan accustomed to it also. During the earlier part of this summer God put going back to camp on my heart. I knew I was going to be having a newborn soon so I didn't know how that would be possible but God kept bringing camp back to me. So August 10-15 we were in Wisconsin. Zechariah and I weren't staying together over night. He stayed at a house with guys and I stayed with missionaries and Nathan. Some nights I was crying because of a very unhappy baby boy but I also learned the most important lesson that week which I'd like to share with you. No matter what never give up.
Breastfeeding is hard and I was just about to give up but my breastfeeding mentor encouraged me. I kept at it and found that towards the end of the week it got easier. I also recognized that I got a lot more calm and so did Nathan! There were nights I didn't know how I was going to make it through but we made it. Once I understood that I was never going to give up it became easier to keep going. Just like in the delivery room I had a job to do and I was going to finish it! My son needed me to not give up for many reasons but mainly to show him that we never give up!
Another lesson I learned is community is vital to a fulfilled life! Camp was amazing and it's filled with great people it was a joy to come back a second year! I already asked Zechariah if we could consider coming back another year as a family! Taking a week old baby to Wisconsin is crazy but God was showing me the importance of community! Life is never supposed to be done alone. I was expecting to be taking care of Nathan myself as Zechariah goes to work. What actually happened was that God was showing us the need to be together and be around community now. Not one part of this have I done alone. The beautiful thing is now I don't want to!
Zechariah will be going to work soon but we'll still be focusing on our teamwork. When God brings you a partner you don't get to be alone! Even if he's not going to be home all the time he'll still be helping with taking care of our boy! I couldn't imagine doing this any other way! I love working as a team with my husband it helps life to feel balanced when everything else around us may not be!
As we continue this journey of parenthood please keep praying for our teamwork and communication. We don't want 3 voices in our conversations when it's just us two talking. Community is vital to your life it has become essential in ours!! Our church family has blessed us like crazy during this season and we are so grateful for all their help! I'm praying you can find yourselves in beautiful community as well!!
Thank you to all who've helped,supported and loved on our family during this time! We love you and are praying for you!
Tina Martina Putney
Monday, August 18, 2014
The house that built me
8/15/14
Today I, Zechariah and Nathan went to my old house. I didn't know what to expect but I was able to walk in my old house and see some things were still the same. The carpet on the basement stairs and some wall covering, I also noticed a hanging lamp in the living room that was the same.I'm not sure what I felt when I saw the kitchen but I know most of the memories I had there.
Zechariah has a blog that he usually bases songs of his blogs to. The song by Miranda Lambert that keeps running in my mind is "the house that built me. Some of the lyrics are as follows "I thought if I could touch this place or feel it the brokenness inside me might start healing. If I could walk around I swear I'll leave won't take nothing but a memory from the house that built me." Being in my old house was surreal for me.
Seeing the new kitchen helped me to see the new life even this house now holds. A mom lives there with her daughter that uses a wheelchair to get around. The same home I struggled in so much to find who I was is now helping a family live more comfortably.
Zechariah and I prayed in the old yard. In that moment all my childhood dreams of some day really being loved by someone came true. I was in my husbands arms and our baby boy was with us! What a beautiful story that we now live!
Being with my family today was something I never expected but I couldn't ask for anything better!! I am now a new creation in Christ! God has given me a beautiful family and life to live and most importantly a new identity! I can thankfully say I am able to move forward with the life God has for me and my family!!
Don't get me wrong life is still a struggle for me and it always will be on this side but with God on my side and my family I can handle anything!!
Maybe your story is like mine maybe it's not but whatever you're experiencing now in your life God has a beautiful story in the making for you and those he will put in your path! Someday maybe you'll be able to take nothing but a memory from the house that built you!
Love you
Tina Martina Putney
Today I, Zechariah and Nathan went to my old house. I didn't know what to expect but I was able to walk in my old house and see some things were still the same. The carpet on the basement stairs and some wall covering, I also noticed a hanging lamp in the living room that was the same.I'm not sure what I felt when I saw the kitchen but I know most of the memories I had there.
Zechariah has a blog that he usually bases songs of his blogs to. The song by Miranda Lambert that keeps running in my mind is "the house that built me. Some of the lyrics are as follows "I thought if I could touch this place or feel it the brokenness inside me might start healing. If I could walk around I swear I'll leave won't take nothing but a memory from the house that built me." Being in my old house was surreal for me.
Seeing the new kitchen helped me to see the new life even this house now holds. A mom lives there with her daughter that uses a wheelchair to get around. The same home I struggled in so much to find who I was is now helping a family live more comfortably.
Zechariah and I prayed in the old yard. In that moment all my childhood dreams of some day really being loved by someone came true. I was in my husbands arms and our baby boy was with us! What a beautiful story that we now live!
Being with my family today was something I never expected but I couldn't ask for anything better!! I am now a new creation in Christ! God has given me a beautiful family and life to live and most importantly a new identity! I can thankfully say I am able to move forward with the life God has for me and my family!!
Don't get me wrong life is still a struggle for me and it always will be on this side but with God on my side and my family I can handle anything!!
Maybe your story is like mine maybe it's not but whatever you're experiencing now in your life God has a beautiful story in the making for you and those he will put in your path! Someday maybe you'll be able to take nothing but a memory from the house that built you!
Love you
Tina Martina Putney
Friday, August 8, 2014
Hidden strength and new discoveries
Ok so first I have to say that I am amazed myself at how I get through this delivery. It was the hardest pain I ever experienced in my life! I'm not sure I'll ever really sign up for that again so to speak. However I knew what I was doing was best for my baby boy! So I wanted to share all the crazy things I learned throughout this experience.
We got to HCMC on Friday August 1 2014 at 8 pm to start the induction process. Things weren't quite ready so we got to chill for a while before they inserted cervidal. Basically looks like a really long tampon. Sorry for tmi but it kinda helps paint the picture. This lasted for twelve hours then I went to cytotec. Cytotec was effective it gave me contractions within a half an hour! After cytotec they put in a cooks catheter this had to sit for another twelve hours then back to cytotec and lastly pitocin. You can imagine why I was still in the hospital 3 days in still not in active labor and how that felt.
Zechariah and my mom- in- law were by my side the whole time through it! Willing to sleep on somewhat uncomfortable chairs that folded out into beds they patiently waited through the progress. At first things were moving slowly then it picked up with the second dose of cytotec and lastly pitocin threw it all into play. Pictures are on the bottom to help paint the picture a little more.
Like I said I'm still amazed at how I got through this delivery because I had the most amazing people with me through the whole thing holding me and keeping me going. Earlier in my pregnancy I was told that I had to deliver with a c-section birth due to my placenta being to low. During this process I started considering just getting it over with by a c-section but I'm really glad I didn't. Why would I feel that is better then all natural birth and no pain medication because of what I learned about myself and others.
When you're pushed to the limit you find what you're made of. So 4 days of intense "ripening" and not even in active labor. Then all of a sudden boom like a snap of your fingers my cervix dialates to 7cm then ten! I started pushing at 10:49am. I can't really put into words what my dula was able to do for me to relax through the hardest part of this journey but I know she was a gift from God just letting me know he was watching over me. My dula became my most important counselor during delivery! She would say things to me that as I was pushing would bring a smile to my face! My dula also told me that all she did was show me the strength I already have.
What I learned was I have hidden strength in me that I never tapped into before. Not in a million years would have I imagined that I could and would give birth to a nine pound baby! To handle 4 days of ripening and then labor itself is still shocking to me. Zechariah keeps saying I put my game face on. In a sense I guess that's just what I did. I knew I had a job to do and I was going to complete it! I did end up having to get a blood transfusion because I lost alot of blood but bounced back from that pretty quickly also! I'm still healing and recovering but can certainly feel like myself again! You can all definitely keep praying for a speedy recovery for me as I enjoy this beautiful adventure of motherhood!
Something else I learned that i feel is even more important then the first is that I could trust people with my well-being. once I got to HCMC I knew I was in the hands of the staff and God. I knew that they were the experts I was not so arguing with anything they said seemed pointless to me because they know delivery I don't. I had to trust people to hold me up when I was contracting so bad that I couldn't walk anymore. I had to trust all the procedures to be doing thier job. I had to trust the judgement of my team. This doesn't really come easy for me, trust. It's a really big desire of my life but to actually open myself up to that is easier said then done. I now know that I have an amazing team of people in my life that i can place my trust in.
My husband did all he could to support me and walk with me through the pain. God will always be praised by me because of how he brought this man and I together! God knew what he was doing when he had me meet Zechariah. We really do work as a team. To be able to just fall into my husband's arms was priceless. My mom-in law became my rock also! After a while I couldn't really communicate or think about anything but the pain! I love my in-laws dearly! We have shared such experiences that causes us to just bond. Jessica my dula was just plain out amazing! If I would get a bad contraction she'd just let me go limp in her arms. There's not many people in my life that have let me do that! My spiritual dad David Brooks was another amazing support! He kept telling that I had strength in me that I couldn't see. He came to the hospital pretty much every night! He was of course the first person I called to come see Nathan! When we wasn't with me in the hospital he would call and leave messages! Thank my Heavenly Father for people such as these!! We had other amazing visitors as well! The people mentioned above deserve my gratitude and appreciation.
We had a great nurse Muna who's picture is also below. She was always so sweet and gentle I really liked her alot! She seemed to just smile and encourage me! I found out more about her life. She would stop in to see the baby and see how much progress I was making. She stayed with me for a while during the blood transfusion. on discharge day she also came to spend time with Zechariah and I. It was so nice to have such a wonderful medical team on our side!
This experience has taught so much about community! I realize now more then ever how crucial it is to to have a great group of people in your life that you can literally fall into their arms. I couldn't be happier with my experience and the greatest part was yet to come!
Out came the most precious gift God could ever have given me! My baby boy a whole nine pounds of pure miracle!! I will never forget the first moment when he had his eyes open and I was telling him I was his mommy and what his name was! To relive that moment all over again almost seems to much like a fantasy. Seeing those gorgeous eyes look up at me I knew I did everything right! The journey of life is all about learning everything there is learn but now in my mind it's doing it together!
I'm going to need a whole lot of help as I start on this amazing journey to motherhood. Prayers are essential but more guidance love and support is what I'm suggesting. Keep on praying for our new addition that he grows strong in the way he should go. We love him so much already and just want the very best for him!! Thank you for joining us on this journey!
I can't thank the HCMC team enough for all their hard work and effort to help me through this delivery! I knew I was in good hands but I never felt more sure of that until discharge day! You are all so amazing and thank you for what you do!! Woman all around the world are able to have a natural birth the way of their choice because of the work you do! I was so blessed to be a part of this reality! My sincere appreciation and support are with you as you continue the work you do!! Because of how inspired my mom-in-law was with Jessica our dula she has decided that's a career path she would like to pursue! Blessings to you and all your families as you bring together so many others!!
That's it in a nutshell... I keep reflecting on this experience now and again and am still amazed it actually happened. Looking at my sweet baby boy are the most precious moments of my life! His beautiful eyes tell me everything I need to know! Thank you to everyone who has helped along the way so far and in advance for the no doubt great amount of help we will receive in the future. We love you we're praying for you and enjoy being in community together!
Love
Tina Martina Putney
We got to HCMC on Friday August 1 2014 at 8 pm to start the induction process. Things weren't quite ready so we got to chill for a while before they inserted cervidal. Basically looks like a really long tampon. Sorry for tmi but it kinda helps paint the picture. This lasted for twelve hours then I went to cytotec. Cytotec was effective it gave me contractions within a half an hour! After cytotec they put in a cooks catheter this had to sit for another twelve hours then back to cytotec and lastly pitocin. You can imagine why I was still in the hospital 3 days in still not in active labor and how that felt.
Zechariah and my mom- in- law were by my side the whole time through it! Willing to sleep on somewhat uncomfortable chairs that folded out into beds they patiently waited through the progress. At first things were moving slowly then it picked up with the second dose of cytotec and lastly pitocin threw it all into play. Pictures are on the bottom to help paint the picture a little more.
Like I said I'm still amazed at how I got through this delivery because I had the most amazing people with me through the whole thing holding me and keeping me going. Earlier in my pregnancy I was told that I had to deliver with a c-section birth due to my placenta being to low. During this process I started considering just getting it over with by a c-section but I'm really glad I didn't. Why would I feel that is better then all natural birth and no pain medication because of what I learned about myself and others.
When you're pushed to the limit you find what you're made of. So 4 days of intense "ripening" and not even in active labor. Then all of a sudden boom like a snap of your fingers my cervix dialates to 7cm then ten! I started pushing at 10:49am. I can't really put into words what my dula was able to do for me to relax through the hardest part of this journey but I know she was a gift from God just letting me know he was watching over me. My dula became my most important counselor during delivery! She would say things to me that as I was pushing would bring a smile to my face! My dula also told me that all she did was show me the strength I already have.
What I learned was I have hidden strength in me that I never tapped into before. Not in a million years would have I imagined that I could and would give birth to a nine pound baby! To handle 4 days of ripening and then labor itself is still shocking to me. Zechariah keeps saying I put my game face on. In a sense I guess that's just what I did. I knew I had a job to do and I was going to complete it! I did end up having to get a blood transfusion because I lost alot of blood but bounced back from that pretty quickly also! I'm still healing and recovering but can certainly feel like myself again! You can all definitely keep praying for a speedy recovery for me as I enjoy this beautiful adventure of motherhood!
Something else I learned that i feel is even more important then the first is that I could trust people with my well-being. once I got to HCMC I knew I was in the hands of the staff and God. I knew that they were the experts I was not so arguing with anything they said seemed pointless to me because they know delivery I don't. I had to trust people to hold me up when I was contracting so bad that I couldn't walk anymore. I had to trust all the procedures to be doing thier job. I had to trust the judgement of my team. This doesn't really come easy for me, trust. It's a really big desire of my life but to actually open myself up to that is easier said then done. I now know that I have an amazing team of people in my life that i can place my trust in.
My husband did all he could to support me and walk with me through the pain. God will always be praised by me because of how he brought this man and I together! God knew what he was doing when he had me meet Zechariah. We really do work as a team. To be able to just fall into my husband's arms was priceless. My mom-in law became my rock also! After a while I couldn't really communicate or think about anything but the pain! I love my in-laws dearly! We have shared such experiences that causes us to just bond. Jessica my dula was just plain out amazing! If I would get a bad contraction she'd just let me go limp in her arms. There's not many people in my life that have let me do that! My spiritual dad David Brooks was another amazing support! He kept telling that I had strength in me that I couldn't see. He came to the hospital pretty much every night! He was of course the first person I called to come see Nathan! When we wasn't with me in the hospital he would call and leave messages! Thank my Heavenly Father for people such as these!! We had other amazing visitors as well! The people mentioned above deserve my gratitude and appreciation.
We had a great nurse Muna who's picture is also below. She was always so sweet and gentle I really liked her alot! She seemed to just smile and encourage me! I found out more about her life. She would stop in to see the baby and see how much progress I was making. She stayed with me for a while during the blood transfusion. on discharge day she also came to spend time with Zechariah and I. It was so nice to have such a wonderful medical team on our side!
This experience has taught so much about community! I realize now more then ever how crucial it is to to have a great group of people in your life that you can literally fall into their arms. I couldn't be happier with my experience and the greatest part was yet to come!
Out came the most precious gift God could ever have given me! My baby boy a whole nine pounds of pure miracle!! I will never forget the first moment when he had his eyes open and I was telling him I was his mommy and what his name was! To relive that moment all over again almost seems to much like a fantasy. Seeing those gorgeous eyes look up at me I knew I did everything right! The journey of life is all about learning everything there is learn but now in my mind it's doing it together!
I'm going to need a whole lot of help as I start on this amazing journey to motherhood. Prayers are essential but more guidance love and support is what I'm suggesting. Keep on praying for our new addition that he grows strong in the way he should go. We love him so much already and just want the very best for him!! Thank you for joining us on this journey!
I can't thank the HCMC team enough for all their hard work and effort to help me through this delivery! I knew I was in good hands but I never felt more sure of that until discharge day! You are all so amazing and thank you for what you do!! Woman all around the world are able to have a natural birth the way of their choice because of the work you do! I was so blessed to be a part of this reality! My sincere appreciation and support are with you as you continue the work you do!! Because of how inspired my mom-in-law was with Jessica our dula she has decided that's a career path she would like to pursue! Blessings to you and all your families as you bring together so many others!!
That's it in a nutshell... I keep reflecting on this experience now and again and am still amazed it actually happened. Looking at my sweet baby boy are the most precious moments of my life! His beautiful eyes tell me everything I need to know! Thank you to everyone who has helped along the way so far and in advance for the no doubt great amount of help we will receive in the future. We love you we're praying for you and enjoy being in community together!
Love
Tina Martina Putney
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Powerful Revelation and Big Thank you to all who made it possible!!!!
Mark 3:21,33-35
Today I learned a really powerful revelation based on this scripture! Jesus is with his disciples and they tell him his family is there to see him. He makes a choice and stays with the people he's ministering to rather than going out to meet his family. Jesus chose to follow God's will instead of abide by what his family desired for him. Many that have read my recent blog about my choice of obedience I had to make in 2012. Why this was so important to me today was that I finally found scripture that backs my decision! Jesus the Son of God chose to do the will of His Heavenly Father rather then appeasing the desires of his family of origin. He chose God! He chose to be obedient to Him! He didn't let anyone take him away from the path he was to travel. I also chose God! What has happened in my life since? I can't wait to tell you about all the miracles that I've been able to experience since I took that step of obedience!
My husband and I have been apart of a ministry team for over a year now! We meet every thursday night at our home anywhere from 7 to about 10 pm. We have met at our apartment also when we lived in downtown Minneapolis. These guys have been the greatest blessing to us! Two in particular Nathaniel Cushing and David Brooks. We love you guys so much!!! Sean we love you man! We stand with you no matter what just like you stood by us when we were in desperate need of love.
During our engagement Zechariah and I had a really rough time. We loved each other but we were also hurting a lot and didn't know yet how to communicate that to each other. When we talked about our hurting hearts it ended up causing an argument. It all came to hit the fan one night as we were ministering to youth for a 30 hour famine. That weekend is what this blog is about! If I could take the credit and say I had anything to do with it I would be so doing God an injustice.
Zechariah and I were really hurting and instead of being able to practice our set like we were supposed to be doing Sean and Bud were looking for Zechariah to talk with him and I stayed back at the church with David and Cal. I barely knew David and I didn't really want to share my feelings with someone I didn't know. After a while the guys returned and we started our practice. Later in the night God did something I never in a million years would have dreamed he would.
We were worshipping with the youth band and God told me I couldn't worship him with a half heart. I asked him what he wanted me to do and he said "Go talk to David" I was not about to tell someone I didn't really know how I felt so I refused Him at first but he kept telling me I needed to share what was in my heart. In the same moment I was hearing this God was speaking to David telling him that he needs to be gentle and fatherly to me. We both were not having it at first. We had no idea what God had in store for us in that moment! I stopped worshipping looked at David and asked if I could talk to him. He smiled and said sure. I wish I could describe what happened after that but all I can say is that by us listening to God's request we've experienced healing in ways we never imagined. One night God would confirm to David a request he had for him 6 weeks before I even would ask.
We were at David's apartment for another night of Sleepwaker. I was in the bathroom and was just telling God who I could see walking me down the aisle. I felt at peace about it so I waited for the right moment to ask. It came shortly after and I looked and David and said I had something personal to ask him and he looked at me and said "Stop I know what you're going to ask me!" I looked at Zechariah and I said "how?" David finished my thoughts for me. "You've never asked someone to give you away yet have you?" I couldn't believe what I just heard! I just was talking to God about this a few minutes earlier and there's David telling me he already knew! God revealed to David that he would give me away at my wedding. In the course of our time with Sleepwaker we became like a family. David has become in many ways a dad to me!! I didn't know who else I would have wanted to share in that special moment! So one night way back in the earlier part of mine and Zechariah's engagement when we were close to parting ways God had David in mind to be a father figure in my life! David I know you don't have internet but I just want to say I love you like crazy! Thank you for everything you have done to help me feel safe, protected, loved and encouraged! Many times you'd hear me at my worst, best and just eh moments and I can't thank you enough for being obedient to Daddy!
Nathaniel (Bud) and Sean you guys are so wonderful!! Thank you for all the ways you minister to us! Thank you for allowing us to do life together! Bud thank you for playing at our wedding even though you had a busy schedule!! Sean thank you for supporting Zechariah and encouraging him in the many ways you do to be the best husband and father he can be!! We are so blessed by you both!
The way my ladies in my wedding party came to be is another God thing. I was in Vinton Iowa with Valleybrook on my first mission trip and I was talking to God about who would be standing with me in my wedding and God just told me from start to finish what girls they were! Three of the girls that God spoke about were also on the trip with me so I was able to actually ask three of the ladies that day if they would be in my wedding. They all said yes!! It was so exciting to see how God was planning my wedding and I had no idea! Amy, Amanda Leah, Lindsay and Margo I love you ladies!!! You were the greatest wedding party so thank you for being willing to celebrate this very special day with us!
Amy I'm so sorry if we will be unable to see your big day as we wait for our little one to arrive!! We'll be praying God gives you and Jason an amazing day though!!
Margo words can't even begin to describe how thankful I am for you!! We've been through so much in our friendship!! I love you so much!! Now we get to experience two years of camp together!! I pray that God leads to the beautiful life he has for you and you live confidently out the identity he's given you! It's such an honor to know you and do life together!
Amanda Leah and Lindsay thank you so much ladies for being apart of this special day! Amanda really it was so great to have you be a part of the wedding with how far you came from!! Love you!! I so miss singing "take me out to the ballgame" and our Valleybrook talks!!! Lindsay I really miss our Sunday lunches!!! I hope we can do them again sometime!! Leah thank you so much for all the fun times at the bachlorette party!! I loved working with you in Iowa too!!
To our wonderful family back home We love you!!!! Thank you so much for everything you did for our wedding!!! We are so blessed to have been able to had a wonderful place for our wedding! Jim thank you for all the work you put into the yard, projects, giving up your garden, house just to make sure we had a great day!!! Mom you're forever going to hold a special place in my heart!! I can't thank you enough for all the planning you did and ways it all came together! Thank you for embracing me into your family!! Thank you for becoming my family!! I love your son with all my heart and will do the greatest job I can to show him that more and more everyday! You have raised a wonderful young man! He will make a great dad to our Nathan!!
Dad and Amy thank you for providing the rehearsal dinner!! It was so lovely to be able to sit together and just eat a meal together before the wedding! Thank you for the gifts you've already provided for us and Nathan! Dad couldn't imagine naming Nathan after anyone else! We're so proud of you!!!
So what started out as revelation experienced became a thank you to all the wonderful people in our lives that made this year possible!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! We could not have gotten to where we are without you all! Thank you to everyone who came to celebrate our special day with us! We are abundantly blessed!!!
Valleybrook has helped us in ways that can't even be described!! We listen to sermons and are currently going through the rejection study! We love being able to heal with you all! Love you church family! We miss you but are so excited when we can be a part of worship with you when we do make it home for the weekend!
Love you all!
Tina M. Putney
Today I learned a really powerful revelation based on this scripture! Jesus is with his disciples and they tell him his family is there to see him. He makes a choice and stays with the people he's ministering to rather than going out to meet his family. Jesus chose to follow God's will instead of abide by what his family desired for him. Many that have read my recent blog about my choice of obedience I had to make in 2012. Why this was so important to me today was that I finally found scripture that backs my decision! Jesus the Son of God chose to do the will of His Heavenly Father rather then appeasing the desires of his family of origin. He chose God! He chose to be obedient to Him! He didn't let anyone take him away from the path he was to travel. I also chose God! What has happened in my life since? I can't wait to tell you about all the miracles that I've been able to experience since I took that step of obedience!
My husband and I have been apart of a ministry team for over a year now! We meet every thursday night at our home anywhere from 7 to about 10 pm. We have met at our apartment also when we lived in downtown Minneapolis. These guys have been the greatest blessing to us! Two in particular Nathaniel Cushing and David Brooks. We love you guys so much!!! Sean we love you man! We stand with you no matter what just like you stood by us when we were in desperate need of love.
During our engagement Zechariah and I had a really rough time. We loved each other but we were also hurting a lot and didn't know yet how to communicate that to each other. When we talked about our hurting hearts it ended up causing an argument. It all came to hit the fan one night as we were ministering to youth for a 30 hour famine. That weekend is what this blog is about! If I could take the credit and say I had anything to do with it I would be so doing God an injustice.
Zechariah and I were really hurting and instead of being able to practice our set like we were supposed to be doing Sean and Bud were looking for Zechariah to talk with him and I stayed back at the church with David and Cal. I barely knew David and I didn't really want to share my feelings with someone I didn't know. After a while the guys returned and we started our practice. Later in the night God did something I never in a million years would have dreamed he would.
We were worshipping with the youth band and God told me I couldn't worship him with a half heart. I asked him what he wanted me to do and he said "Go talk to David" I was not about to tell someone I didn't really know how I felt so I refused Him at first but he kept telling me I needed to share what was in my heart. In the same moment I was hearing this God was speaking to David telling him that he needs to be gentle and fatherly to me. We both were not having it at first. We had no idea what God had in store for us in that moment! I stopped worshipping looked at David and asked if I could talk to him. He smiled and said sure. I wish I could describe what happened after that but all I can say is that by us listening to God's request we've experienced healing in ways we never imagined. One night God would confirm to David a request he had for him 6 weeks before I even would ask.
We were at David's apartment for another night of Sleepwaker. I was in the bathroom and was just telling God who I could see walking me down the aisle. I felt at peace about it so I waited for the right moment to ask. It came shortly after and I looked and David and said I had something personal to ask him and he looked at me and said "Stop I know what you're going to ask me!" I looked at Zechariah and I said "how?" David finished my thoughts for me. "You've never asked someone to give you away yet have you?" I couldn't believe what I just heard! I just was talking to God about this a few minutes earlier and there's David telling me he already knew! God revealed to David that he would give me away at my wedding. In the course of our time with Sleepwaker we became like a family. David has become in many ways a dad to me!! I didn't know who else I would have wanted to share in that special moment! So one night way back in the earlier part of mine and Zechariah's engagement when we were close to parting ways God had David in mind to be a father figure in my life! David I know you don't have internet but I just want to say I love you like crazy! Thank you for everything you have done to help me feel safe, protected, loved and encouraged! Many times you'd hear me at my worst, best and just eh moments and I can't thank you enough for being obedient to Daddy!
Nathaniel (Bud) and Sean you guys are so wonderful!! Thank you for all the ways you minister to us! Thank you for allowing us to do life together! Bud thank you for playing at our wedding even though you had a busy schedule!! Sean thank you for supporting Zechariah and encouraging him in the many ways you do to be the best husband and father he can be!! We are so blessed by you both!
The way my ladies in my wedding party came to be is another God thing. I was in Vinton Iowa with Valleybrook on my first mission trip and I was talking to God about who would be standing with me in my wedding and God just told me from start to finish what girls they were! Three of the girls that God spoke about were also on the trip with me so I was able to actually ask three of the ladies that day if they would be in my wedding. They all said yes!! It was so exciting to see how God was planning my wedding and I had no idea! Amy, Amanda Leah, Lindsay and Margo I love you ladies!!! You were the greatest wedding party so thank you for being willing to celebrate this very special day with us!
Amy I'm so sorry if we will be unable to see your big day as we wait for our little one to arrive!! We'll be praying God gives you and Jason an amazing day though!!
Margo words can't even begin to describe how thankful I am for you!! We've been through so much in our friendship!! I love you so much!! Now we get to experience two years of camp together!! I pray that God leads to the beautiful life he has for you and you live confidently out the identity he's given you! It's such an honor to know you and do life together!
Amanda Leah and Lindsay thank you so much ladies for being apart of this special day! Amanda really it was so great to have you be a part of the wedding with how far you came from!! Love you!! I so miss singing "take me out to the ballgame" and our Valleybrook talks!!! Lindsay I really miss our Sunday lunches!!! I hope we can do them again sometime!! Leah thank you so much for all the fun times at the bachlorette party!! I loved working with you in Iowa too!!
To our wonderful family back home We love you!!!! Thank you so much for everything you did for our wedding!!! We are so blessed to have been able to had a wonderful place for our wedding! Jim thank you for all the work you put into the yard, projects, giving up your garden, house just to make sure we had a great day!!! Mom you're forever going to hold a special place in my heart!! I can't thank you enough for all the planning you did and ways it all came together! Thank you for embracing me into your family!! Thank you for becoming my family!! I love your son with all my heart and will do the greatest job I can to show him that more and more everyday! You have raised a wonderful young man! He will make a great dad to our Nathan!!
Dad and Amy thank you for providing the rehearsal dinner!! It was so lovely to be able to sit together and just eat a meal together before the wedding! Thank you for the gifts you've already provided for us and Nathan! Dad couldn't imagine naming Nathan after anyone else! We're so proud of you!!!
So what started out as revelation experienced became a thank you to all the wonderful people in our lives that made this year possible!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! We could not have gotten to where we are without you all! Thank you to everyone who came to celebrate our special day with us! We are abundantly blessed!!!
Valleybrook has helped us in ways that can't even be described!! We listen to sermons and are currently going through the rejection study! We love being able to heal with you all! Love you church family! We miss you but are so excited when we can be a part of worship with you when we do make it home for the weekend!
Love you all!
Tina M. Putney
Monday, July 21, 2014
God provides!!!
Wow! I am just floored at how God provides!!! So two days after my due date just waiting on my little one to enter our world a silent prayer was answered! I love sharing how good God is!! This has been a really healing week for me and I'm so excited for what's to come yet!!
God told me that this week I would heal in ways I couldn't imagine! I have been able to face some hard stuff head on and it's left me so free to trust in my Daddy! Through the waiting I've learned that I don't have to feel rejected or stupid as I often felt anymore! I get to live in freedom now knowing who I am, that I'm loved, seen, heard and protected! What's even better then that is that I get to also teach that to my son!
I woke up early this morning (go figure) and went to my son's room to pray. I'm going to be doing that a lot throughout his life I know! I prayed for a little bit then read the book I made for Nathan sharing my experiences being pregnant with him. I was tearing up reading it because God was faithful to his promises throughout this entire season of pregnancy! He set up insurance, midwives, my hospital of delivery, he promised me this would be a smooth pregnancy and true to his word it was! I really didn't feel sick much throughout it, just nausea which is normal! The only potential complication was the placenta being to low but even that brought my husband and I closer in ways I couldn't begin to explain! We're able to communicate in ways we've never been able to in our relationship before it's really beautiful! I love what God has been showing us!
So this morning I finished my prayer and reading time and came to my phone to see if I had any missed calls/texts. My bestie did leave me a message. Last year we helped out at a camp in WI together! It was a great experience and we made a lot of amazing memories together being at camp, our car rides, nights hanging out, etc. we sang for the talent show also! I really enjoyed my experience last year and was hoping to somehow be able to help again this year. I didn't know how that could be possible with an infant to take care of.
Around June I felt like I needed to sign up to help out at camp. I can't describe what I felt but when I talked to my best friend she said about the same thing. For some reason I can't figure out we are supposed to go to camp this year! So I sent in my registration and all the forms needed and knew I was on my way to camp. Anxiety over this has been piling up though in me because I didn't know how it was going to work out. I couldn't possibly sleep in a non air conditioned tent for a week with an infant so I had no idea what housing would look like all week. Then I got a message saying there was a place for me and my son to stay all week!
It was at that moment I realized that God really does want me to go to camp this year and more importantly that he provides a way to make it happen! Knowing that God really does have me and my son is such a beautiful revelation. He really does love us! Not only do I get to go to camp this year but our housing has been taken care of! Tears are welling up in my eyes as I write this!! Last year I was a very newlywed leaving my husband for a week to serve children with disabilities. This year I'm a new mother leaving my home for a week to help children with disabilities. It's beautiful to see how God works in our lives!!
I'm looking forward to sharing the journey of discovery with you as we near the arrival of our son and camp! God has always been faithful to keep his promises! I pray that he does the same for your lives!
Thank you to those that have made this journey possible!
With all the love in my heart
Tina M. Putney
God told me that this week I would heal in ways I couldn't imagine! I have been able to face some hard stuff head on and it's left me so free to trust in my Daddy! Through the waiting I've learned that I don't have to feel rejected or stupid as I often felt anymore! I get to live in freedom now knowing who I am, that I'm loved, seen, heard and protected! What's even better then that is that I get to also teach that to my son!
I woke up early this morning (go figure) and went to my son's room to pray. I'm going to be doing that a lot throughout his life I know! I prayed for a little bit then read the book I made for Nathan sharing my experiences being pregnant with him. I was tearing up reading it because God was faithful to his promises throughout this entire season of pregnancy! He set up insurance, midwives, my hospital of delivery, he promised me this would be a smooth pregnancy and true to his word it was! I really didn't feel sick much throughout it, just nausea which is normal! The only potential complication was the placenta being to low but even that brought my husband and I closer in ways I couldn't begin to explain! We're able to communicate in ways we've never been able to in our relationship before it's really beautiful! I love what God has been showing us!
So this morning I finished my prayer and reading time and came to my phone to see if I had any missed calls/texts. My bestie did leave me a message. Last year we helped out at a camp in WI together! It was a great experience and we made a lot of amazing memories together being at camp, our car rides, nights hanging out, etc. we sang for the talent show also! I really enjoyed my experience last year and was hoping to somehow be able to help again this year. I didn't know how that could be possible with an infant to take care of.
Around June I felt like I needed to sign up to help out at camp. I can't describe what I felt but when I talked to my best friend she said about the same thing. For some reason I can't figure out we are supposed to go to camp this year! So I sent in my registration and all the forms needed and knew I was on my way to camp. Anxiety over this has been piling up though in me because I didn't know how it was going to work out. I couldn't possibly sleep in a non air conditioned tent for a week with an infant so I had no idea what housing would look like all week. Then I got a message saying there was a place for me and my son to stay all week!
It was at that moment I realized that God really does want me to go to camp this year and more importantly that he provides a way to make it happen! Knowing that God really does have me and my son is such a beautiful revelation. He really does love us! Not only do I get to go to camp this year but our housing has been taken care of! Tears are welling up in my eyes as I write this!! Last year I was a very newlywed leaving my husband for a week to serve children with disabilities. This year I'm a new mother leaving my home for a week to help children with disabilities. It's beautiful to see how God works in our lives!!
I'm looking forward to sharing the journey of discovery with you as we near the arrival of our son and camp! God has always been faithful to keep his promises! I pray that he does the same for your lives!
Thank you to those that have made this journey possible!
With all the love in my heart
Tina M. Putney
Friday, July 4, 2014
Prayer for my son
As we anxiously await the arrival of the sweetest gift from God into our lives I was struck by scripture and prayer that was shared through a friend! So first off I want to say a sincere thank you for directing me to proverbs 2: 1-8! Thank you also for your kind words of encouragement and support they made me tear up!
At our church baby shower we were abundantly blessed by our church family. After a few days I got a chance to read the cards one by one. They were all so beautiful and heartfelt but one directly made an impact on me. It was one with a prayer for my son. I opened up the scripture to see what it said and this is reason for this post!
Proverbs 2: 1-8 is a beautiful instruction on wisdom. Wisdom of living in the Fear of the Lord. Seeking for wisdom as if it were a treasure. That's so beautiful to me! Wisdom is such a precious gift. I hear a lot of people say "I just don't hear God" or "I wish he'd be as vocal with me as he is with you." To me these are cry outs for wisdom. When I read this I simply picture my son playing with a box and lifting it to find his
"treasure" Just imagine how excited he'd be to find it! Jesus says we do not have because we do not ask in scripture. What would our lives be like if we asked for wisdom and fear of the Lord? I catch myself thinking this very thing. What would my life be like? I find the answer also in this scripture passage!
Proverbs 2: 7-8 states in my version " He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless. For he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones." I don't know about you but I sure want and need that protection! Right now seeking out God's wisdom is really needed as everyday that passes waiting for my son's arrival gets a little more painful. It should get more joyful because everyday means he's one day closer! I used to be told that I don't explore my brains enough by my earthly dad. I realize now though that I didn't pursue the kind of wisdom he wanted me to pursue.
As a co laborer called to raise one of Christ's most precious creations I want to be really clear on what kind of wisdom I want to teach my son to seek. I want to teach him about the Love of God. I want him to geared up and ready to fight the demons in his life. We can only prepare him for battle if we train him in the way he should go. I'm learning a lot about the value of a human being to God the Father as I am about to birth one.
We are so immensely important to Him! My husband and I are reading a fantastic book about rejection. In it we're learning what the spirit of rejection does to a human being starting with Eve in the Garden of Eden. When my husband and I have a disagreement we've come to realize there are three voices in the argument. Things that were not said or thought were heard in both our minds. We hear one thing from the mouth of each other but then there's another voice that comes to "counsel us" it's anything but counseling us of course as it's giving us both a poor image of our spouse.As the biggest enemy of God Satan will stop at nothing to destroy God's precious creations, us!
If there has been a voice making you feel bad about yourself I would encourage you to get a hold of the book rejection exposed by Anthony Hulsebus. It's not only a powerful read but potentially life changing. You can finally shut the spirits in your life out and live by the Spirit of God and follow his voice. We're definitley learning and to be honest may never really learn everything we can in this life but our hearts are being transformed in ways only God can do. My prayer for my son is the same I have for you!
To walk in the way of the Lord, to seek out his wisdom, to silence the voices that have held you captive, made you to feel less than God's beloved. Satan recieved the highest rejection by God now all he wants is to make us feel his same rejection! Talk about a bad sport he's still licking his wounds! I'm asking you friends and family to hold us accountable as we teach our son to follow the way of the Lord. May we not depart ever from our role as co laborers with Christ to raise our son in the way of the Lord so that he will not depart from it.
Thank you so much to all who have already poured so much love into my husband and I as we enter this blessed season in our lives. May we steward God's gift well! Pray for us as we face this challenge each and everyday from birth to death.
May the peace of the Lord be with you always!
With All the Love in my heart
Tina M. Putney
At our church baby shower we were abundantly blessed by our church family. After a few days I got a chance to read the cards one by one. They were all so beautiful and heartfelt but one directly made an impact on me. It was one with a prayer for my son. I opened up the scripture to see what it said and this is reason for this post!
Proverbs 2: 1-8 is a beautiful instruction on wisdom. Wisdom of living in the Fear of the Lord. Seeking for wisdom as if it were a treasure. That's so beautiful to me! Wisdom is such a precious gift. I hear a lot of people say "I just don't hear God" or "I wish he'd be as vocal with me as he is with you." To me these are cry outs for wisdom. When I read this I simply picture my son playing with a box and lifting it to find his
"treasure" Just imagine how excited he'd be to find it! Jesus says we do not have because we do not ask in scripture. What would our lives be like if we asked for wisdom and fear of the Lord? I catch myself thinking this very thing. What would my life be like? I find the answer also in this scripture passage!
Proverbs 2: 7-8 states in my version " He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless. For he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones." I don't know about you but I sure want and need that protection! Right now seeking out God's wisdom is really needed as everyday that passes waiting for my son's arrival gets a little more painful. It should get more joyful because everyday means he's one day closer! I used to be told that I don't explore my brains enough by my earthly dad. I realize now though that I didn't pursue the kind of wisdom he wanted me to pursue.
As a co laborer called to raise one of Christ's most precious creations I want to be really clear on what kind of wisdom I want to teach my son to seek. I want to teach him about the Love of God. I want him to geared up and ready to fight the demons in his life. We can only prepare him for battle if we train him in the way he should go. I'm learning a lot about the value of a human being to God the Father as I am about to birth one.
We are so immensely important to Him! My husband and I are reading a fantastic book about rejection. In it we're learning what the spirit of rejection does to a human being starting with Eve in the Garden of Eden. When my husband and I have a disagreement we've come to realize there are three voices in the argument. Things that were not said or thought were heard in both our minds. We hear one thing from the mouth of each other but then there's another voice that comes to "counsel us" it's anything but counseling us of course as it's giving us both a poor image of our spouse.As the biggest enemy of God Satan will stop at nothing to destroy God's precious creations, us!
If there has been a voice making you feel bad about yourself I would encourage you to get a hold of the book rejection exposed by Anthony Hulsebus. It's not only a powerful read but potentially life changing. You can finally shut the spirits in your life out and live by the Spirit of God and follow his voice. We're definitley learning and to be honest may never really learn everything we can in this life but our hearts are being transformed in ways only God can do. My prayer for my son is the same I have for you!
To walk in the way of the Lord, to seek out his wisdom, to silence the voices that have held you captive, made you to feel less than God's beloved. Satan recieved the highest rejection by God now all he wants is to make us feel his same rejection! Talk about a bad sport he's still licking his wounds! I'm asking you friends and family to hold us accountable as we teach our son to follow the way of the Lord. May we not depart ever from our role as co laborers with Christ to raise our son in the way of the Lord so that he will not depart from it.
Thank you so much to all who have already poured so much love into my husband and I as we enter this blessed season in our lives. May we steward God's gift well! Pray for us as we face this challenge each and everyday from birth to death.
May the peace of the Lord be with you always!
With All the Love in my heart
Tina M. Putney
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Learning about the dock
Well it's been an interesting and educational week for us! I've learned something through a vision this week that I haven't taken seriously until now...
In the analogy of a dock God showed me something key. If home is not right I can't go anywhere else. People that know me also know I have a tendency to run away and leave important situations behind while trying to take care of myself. I especially do this when I get hurt. I think we all do at some point. We want to run from what's hurting us but what I learned is that what's left behind is the same hurt I was feeling before I left.
So this week there's been a couple situations that rose up where I was able to see this in practice. Ministry is not always the easiest fight, one you certainly have to prepare yourself for. In several situations this week I was trying to help others while I myself was suffering. In a sense I was going out to sea again while leaving dock unattended. This was clear when I watched my husband from across the room. I knew that in that moment all I should have been doing was being with him but I was needed elsewhere. When I finally made the decision to be with my husband our whole night changed.
The next morning was when I saw the vision of the dock.It's a dock like any other but it was only intact when the ship would be docked at it. As soon as the ship went out it fell apart. What God showed me in that is often times I feel I need to help others outside of my own home but I forget to see the hurting partner I leave behind on a shattered dock.
I have learned to take this lesson seriously and will continue to do my best at taking care of the needs at home before I go anywhere. God has given me this wonderful man to love and to hold and to grow with and I will be held accountable how I treat his heart. This we learned at a friends wedding on Easter Sunday. When I focus my attention off the dock no matter what it crumbles. If however I learn to keep my gaze on it and help build a strong foundation for it, that's when it becomes what it's meant to.
Marriage is not the easiest thing at times. You see really quick where you lack understanding and patience but it's a test worth passing! The beautiful part of marriage is that you get to learn more about yourself and the person you're with. My home is my dock, marriage it's foundation and all of it is held up by God. If I don't focus on what I do here first my husband is still hurting when I come back. In a sense I've done nothing to relieve any hurt from either of us I've simply prolonged it. The same hurt and questions are still there they just take a longer time to manifest because one person is unavailable at the moment.
In 6 weeks we are going to be welcoming our son into our family! I want him to see that daddy and mommy work together. I don't want him to see an unstable dock. It takes two to build a dock, two to destroy it and still two to rebuild it again. In order to be effective parents to our lion cub (we're calling him lion king as a nickname) we both have to work together and pull our weight.
Currently Zechariah is looking for full time work as I get ready to stay home with my son. In both of these roles there's a change to set in. The key ingredient in the success of this process is prayer and God's guidance. We are learning with each passing day how much we do need each other. No matter what happens we are side by side and that settles it. Please keep us in prayer as we enter this new and exciting journey into parenthood!
Love you
Tina Putney
In the analogy of a dock God showed me something key. If home is not right I can't go anywhere else. People that know me also know I have a tendency to run away and leave important situations behind while trying to take care of myself. I especially do this when I get hurt. I think we all do at some point. We want to run from what's hurting us but what I learned is that what's left behind is the same hurt I was feeling before I left.
So this week there's been a couple situations that rose up where I was able to see this in practice. Ministry is not always the easiest fight, one you certainly have to prepare yourself for. In several situations this week I was trying to help others while I myself was suffering. In a sense I was going out to sea again while leaving dock unattended. This was clear when I watched my husband from across the room. I knew that in that moment all I should have been doing was being with him but I was needed elsewhere. When I finally made the decision to be with my husband our whole night changed.
The next morning was when I saw the vision of the dock.It's a dock like any other but it was only intact when the ship would be docked at it. As soon as the ship went out it fell apart. What God showed me in that is often times I feel I need to help others outside of my own home but I forget to see the hurting partner I leave behind on a shattered dock.
I have learned to take this lesson seriously and will continue to do my best at taking care of the needs at home before I go anywhere. God has given me this wonderful man to love and to hold and to grow with and I will be held accountable how I treat his heart. This we learned at a friends wedding on Easter Sunday. When I focus my attention off the dock no matter what it crumbles. If however I learn to keep my gaze on it and help build a strong foundation for it, that's when it becomes what it's meant to.
Marriage is not the easiest thing at times. You see really quick where you lack understanding and patience but it's a test worth passing! The beautiful part of marriage is that you get to learn more about yourself and the person you're with. My home is my dock, marriage it's foundation and all of it is held up by God. If I don't focus on what I do here first my husband is still hurting when I come back. In a sense I've done nothing to relieve any hurt from either of us I've simply prolonged it. The same hurt and questions are still there they just take a longer time to manifest because one person is unavailable at the moment.
In 6 weeks we are going to be welcoming our son into our family! I want him to see that daddy and mommy work together. I don't want him to see an unstable dock. It takes two to build a dock, two to destroy it and still two to rebuild it again. In order to be effective parents to our lion cub (we're calling him lion king as a nickname) we both have to work together and pull our weight.
Currently Zechariah is looking for full time work as I get ready to stay home with my son. In both of these roles there's a change to set in. The key ingredient in the success of this process is prayer and God's guidance. We are learning with each passing day how much we do need each other. No matter what happens we are side by side and that settles it. Please keep us in prayer as we enter this new and exciting journey into parenthood!
Love you
Tina Putney