Just Wait for this... We've waited long enough

Have you ever heard someone say “just wait for this?” I’ve heard it over and over all my life and every time I hear those words they honestly hurt. If there’s one thing that I feel has been attacked repeatedly it’s our belief. Right off the bat in the garden of Eden Satan tempted Eve and what she believed he asked her the doubting question “did God really Say?” The result was catastrophic for mankind. Planting doubt into a person’s mind and heart is the first step to a broken story.

So all my life I’ve felt as though my beliefs were not accepted. As if somehow I was always undoubtedly wrong. I think you can understand what happens to a person who’s made to feel they’re always “off the mark” so to speak something just doesn’t make sense with what they’re thinking. Enter in a lot of anxiety and second guessing and shyness to share what your beliefs are and I became susceptible to anyone’s ideas advice and warnings. Advice is needed and very welcome when it comes with the right spirit and source. Too often I’ve experienced the destructive just wait for this. To me it’s just as heart breaking as the question Satan asked Eve. It has just as devastating an effect. Fast forward to 28 years down the line with a newborn son and husband and those wounds are still present.

Recently I had a moment of truth wash over some of the lies I’ve believed. Babysitting always terrified me, leaving my child in someone else’s care while my child is screaming is the worst I could have ever expected from our babysitting experience. Sundays Nathan goes to the nursery while we’re at church and now Thursdays we have a babysitter lined up. I can’t begin to say how relieving it is that I can drop my son off to a nursery volunteer and pick him up and hear “he did great!” It literally chokes me up to think of how much time I spent stressing over how my future child would behave when I wasn’t there to take care of them. I dreaded that experience all my life and through much praying God has been able to show me the reality of my son.

He’s never had a problem going to anyone in three months. For three months we’ve taken him to places with us had him meet all sorts of people and every time he surprises me how well he takes it. Then God tells me ”This is my answer to all the prayers you’ve prayed. “Remember when you prayed your son would know he’s loved whether you’re with him or not?” I’m literally seeing the fruits of those prayers. This has been engrained in me to worry about so it’s going to take time to heal this belief that my child will fall apart without me but I know the truth is God gave me the child that is perfect for my husband and I. Of course not every drop off and pick up will go smoothly but if I can save myself a little bit of anxiety when I leave Nathan I know I’ll breathe a lot better.  

Lately God’s put it on my heart to study his word by reading commentaries and writing down what I read. I’ve been in the last chapters of John and beginning Acts. One of the most exciting things I read so far is that believers are encouraged to expect God’s presence and favor. This is so important to me because all my life I wanted to live like this. I wanted to put everything in God’s hands. The sad truth is that my teaching was a lot different.

I was taught to worry, be anxious, try and figure everything out, be ridiculed for trying, be afraid of what others think about me, not practice my instincts essentially not be the person God created me to be. Tears fill my eyes as I write this because I am learning new ways to live. Instead of worry I pray, instead of trying to figure everything out I allow God to work things out, instead of being ridiculed I’m loved and embraced for what I think and feel, instead of being afraid what others think of me I hear what God thinks of me and brings me so much comfort. Not being able to practice my instincts has scarred me in so many ways.

It’s left me unsure of what I’m really capable of, it’s left me scared to try and fail, it’s blocked my thought process in situations and most frightening to me left me paralyzed unsure of where to make my next move. What’s so freeing to me now is I can operate in my instincts. God has given everyone an instinctive drive that helps them through any situation. Recently I’ve been able to listen to my instincts a lot in raising our son. My husband and I realized recently we differ in this area I operate in my instincts with finding out what Nathan needs and Zechariah reads the situation and processes it and then suggests plans of action. It’s very crucial to have both sets of parenting and they complement each other well. It’s such a joy and honor to raise our son with you sweetheart! Love you with all my heart!

So I would definitely mark this a sweet time in my life as God takes me deeper into his word I realize that’s where the truth lies. To every lie the enemy has ever told me I have a truth to now replace that with. It’s paramount for me and all believers to be in his Word if we ever want to combat the enemy’s attacks. But we can’t do this alone. We need solid Christian friends and family to walk us into who God created us to be. My heart is that all on the side of truth would live it. “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 Isn’t it time we stop living like we’re awaiting it? I know I’m tired of feeling punishment is all I’ll receive. I can’t wait to run into Jesus arms sigh and say I hope there’s nothing left that I haven’t given back to you.

There will always be pain, death and destruction in this world but I want to take Jesus advice and take heart because he has overcome the world. When those lies come I want to be able to combat them and stand on the truth that has promised to set me free.  I pray this for you also.

Love you with all my heart

Tina Martina Putney