Standing through the storm

For as long as I can remember I seemed to be in a whirlwind. What's a whirlwind you may ask? Picture a tornado, it's dark, it's windy, gloomy, everything is spiraling all around you. All you can see is the darkness and chaos around you. All you can hear is the loud sound of a twister in full force. Let me share with you a vision I had this past week.

This week like so many others I was in that whirlwind. I felt trapped in it like there was no way out. Then I saw Him, beautiful glorious, white, radiant, full of glory Jesus walking right in the middle of that storm, he held out his hand and spoke one word, "Peace." Just like that the storm ceased. The winds stopped blowing, the darkness cleared up and I was standing in the middle of a beautiful blue skied day again.He looked at me smiled and said "You live in a different landscape now Nala."

Why do I share this vision? I never thought I was going to get out of the whirlwind. I never had hope that I could escape it. No matter how faithful God has been to me or my family I continued to be trapped in my own storm of guilt, regret, shame, essentially condemnation from the enemy. I'm reading a book from Shiela Walsh the storm inside, it's really great at speaking out emotions I've been feeling and speaking truth into my life. She called the storm out that was raging inside me all these years. I don't know the storms of your life but we all have them and we all need a way out of them. The enemy wants to believe he's won, when he gets us to sin. He wants us to carry our baggage around with us the rest of our lives, there's just one problem with that existence. We win in the end!

Matthew West sings a wonderful energetic song that my bestie and I love! Hello my name is. This week I listened to the lyrics and was hit by the truth in them. The verse speaks about regret, defeat all things we live under per the enemy but then it says these are the voices these are the lies and I have believed them for the very last time, and then my favorite part is the course! I sang and danced with Nathan while we listened to the song. He loved dancing of course. See the whirlwind for me was that. It was a daily reminder of my shortcomings and failures, mistakes, regrets, but when I saw Jesus walk right in the middle of the storm in my mind and heart I realized something that I pray proves true to you as well. We don't have to live under that anymore. What the enemy used to defeat us and even God, our loving Father used for his good purpose. His plan was and always is for us to win in the end!

Now of course as I write this I've had some discouraging days that made me not want to write this post at all, but what Satan wanted to use as a reminder of my failure and unbelief God used to show his glory in my life. This week I was at a meeting with a house church Zechariah and I have gone to several times, the topic was about perseverance, who doesn't need some more of that right? They asked to share a time we endured. Immediately God brought up my delivery experience, in an older post I described what happened but for the sake of this post, I said that I hemorrhaged. That became my clear sign that God is working on the storms in my life and delivering his peace. In the most non peaceful time of my life I felt his peace. I even smiled while in labor! I knew no matter what happened God had me. 

From now on no more whirlwind, no more listening to the enemy's lies about me, no more anxiety over things I can't control and giving complete control over to the one who gives me His Perfect Peace. You may going through health related complications, you may be fearing the future, you may be sitting anxiously wondering what the next step is, you may be to afraid to pray fearing God's response, you may be afraid to make that call, or forgive that person, I don't know the storms you face but I'm sure you have some. All I do know is that Jesus is not afraid of your storm, questions, doubts, fears, struggles, worries, anxieties, disappointments, regrets, mistakes, thoughts, he walks right in the middle of them and says "peace."

We're going to have a hard battle ahead of us, it gets worse before it gets better but this significant truth hit me this week We win in the end! God loves us, all of us, the us we can't or don't want to love, the us that we are afraid to let others love, the us that we're ashamed to show and think it better to hide. The same God that wanted to woo the Israelites back wants to do the same for us now. I'm not going to lie this journey has not been easy but I know who I am now. I'm a child of the one true King!!

One of my many regrets is that I didn't live like one sooner. To anyone I've ever hurt, offended, shamed, been bitter against please accept this is as my public apology. Anyone who I hurt their walk with Christ again that was never my intention. My sincere wish and prayer for you is that you live like a child of the one true king. When Satan tries and hold up a guilty sign for you you can look right up to Jesus and he will scream NOT GUILTY! I'm excited what this journey will hold for me I pray you can see the truth that lies here for you!

I love you
Tina Martina Putney

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuJWQzjfU3o

Child like Faith

One of my longer posts but I shared this at Union Gospel Mission New Years Eve I'd like to share it with you! It's about child like faith which is something I have been learning about alot through the last five months.

The Romans road is all truth but what do you do with truth? You either accept it or reject it. Having a child changes everything! Something that used to take me 2 minutes takes more like 20 minutes. Every time we leave to go somewhere we have to make sure we we have everything we need for our son, but it's the most beautiful change! It also changes the what and how I believe. I'm learning to believe in the God of the impossible. Turn with me to Mark 10: 14-15. "When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child, will never enter it."

In this passage Jesus was speaking about child like faith! I didn't understand this concept until recently. I'm learning more about it everyday. Since the birth of our son God has had me on a journey learning my faith, His word, and my heart. I spend more time in his word then I ever have before, why? because I am seeing Him through the eyes of a child. At this point Zechariah came up to the podium with our son Nathan. This is our son Nathan he's almost 5 months old. We got some good response to this portion ;)
I have a duty to my son to teach him about God and what we believe him to be. I want my son not only to know scripture but know who God really is and who he can be for him.

God's been teaching me key concepts that I feel express child like faith prayer, grace, approval, love and peace.

My prayer life has greatly increased. Before I was ok to get around to it now it's essential to start the day off in prayer. I pray about anything anyone anytime. I'm seeing those prayers answered. Now when I pray I do so as if I'm absolutely certain God will answer me. He knows our hearts, he knows the longings we have and answers them.

Grace was something I never knew how to give myself until recently. When I make a mistake or act out of emotion rather then love, like I did this Christmas. I got overwhelmed and tired and didn't want to pushed to do one more thing and Nathan was also getting fussy so I almost didn't let him take a family picture but it ended up being fine. He had fun grabbing Auntie Mica's reindeer antlers ;) I apologized to my mom-in-law the next day and we were fine again. She gave me grace so I could give myself some too. I didn't have to think about my behavior anymore I know we'll have all this year to make many more beautiful memories!

Approval was something I fought for all my life. In this passage Jesus holds the children in his arms. Picture this with me, what does holding a child look like? Whether you're comforting them, feeding, or just want a snuggle what does it look like? To me it looks like approval. Jesus probably smiled at them and then blessed them. He approved of them even though he knew the sins they would commit later in life. He does that for you and I too.

Love has come alive to me lately. In a previous post I talked about the whole VCUG testing we had to do for Nathan so I explained it to the men here. During the weeks that led up to this God kept telling me "ask anything in my name and it shall be done."Heartfelt prayer and tears in my eyes I asked for them not to find anything. The doctor said that he though Nathan was normal. I told the men "this is where you clap because God is good." They clapped :)

Through this and so many other times as a stay at home mom I'm learning peace. As His child I can be at rest no matter what he puts my family through. Peace used to mean quite baby, soft music, a beautiful tranquil scene but it now means knowing I'm loved even with a crying infant. It's knowing Nathan can scan the room and when our eyes meet pure joy comes to his face. I'm accepted, I'm loved, I'm needed.

God has a message for everyone in this room tonight. He loves you no matter what and approves of you. When I really let this truth sink in it changed everything. It doesn't matter what you've done, are doing, or will do. He knew your sins and mine before we ever committed them and still loves us. He knew we needed a clean slate. He knew we needed a Savior. Romans road is all truth as is the whole Bible, child like faith is putting that truth into action. What would change if you were absolutely certain God was with you? I have come to believe in the God of the impossible. The God that can heal beyond medical knowledge, healing broken hearts, open doors no one can open. I've come to believe every prayer will be answered, even if it's not in the way I expect. Will you join me? Will you seek God with your whole heart despite what you were taught growing up? Will you take your own faith journey now become childlike in your pursuit of God? He would love nothing more! Even if you give him 5 minutes he will use those 5 minutes to reveal his truth.

Tonight you can start off on the right foot for a new year. You can let God make his home in you and show you his love and fill your life with peace even when everything around you looks like chaos. I know what he's done for me. I'd love that for you also. Thank you we love you!

Thank you all for joining me on this journey and I pray we can grow in child like faith together!
Love you!

Tina Martina Putney