Week 2 David study

Wow! This week was challenging painful but ended up being beautiful! Have you ever said the phrase "I'm so jealous!" usually it has something to do with someone doing something you want to do but know you can't like take a vacation or they have something you want but can't have like a new car. This phrase I've used many times and I usually don't really mean it. But day two of this study hit me pretty hard.

I've been jealous of my husband for the course of our relationship. I was a little anxious to write this post because of having to admit that. 3 years ago I responded to a question if I was jealous of anyone and I said yes. Zechariah was on a mission trip during the summer in South Dakota with youth he was also settled in life until August. I on the other hand was living with his mom not working and not settled in life in fact it was the hardest part of my life yet up to this point. I responded that he got to do what I wanted to do for that summer and that he was settled until August. 3 years later I'm ashamed to have to admit that I still have been jealous with what my husband has and I don't family to visit, job, and being settled in his calling. So what has Saul taught me this week?

Saul taught me the most important lesson, love overpowers jealousy. In one of the readings Saul sends men to Ramah to capture David but they all prophesy instead. Finally Saul himself goes to Ramah but the same thing happens to him! That's so amazing to me for a man that had evil plotted towards David, God was still able to break through and provide protection for David and Samuel. His Spirit even touched Saul to have him act in obedience to what God wanted for him. God still wanted to act through Saul though Saul wanted only to kill David. Throughout this week God has been doing much of the same with me. He's bee showing me how blessed I am. Sometimes I just need to see it to believe it's true. Words are great but sometimes the only thing that matters to me is the action, which my husband knows all too well of.

So this week I haven't been able to talk to my mama and it was really hard. We go through stretches of time where we can't communicate, life gets busy, internet doesn't work well enough, etc. but this week was like a knife stabbed in my chest because I found out that I can call people and hear them but they wouldn't be able to hear me over skype. All week I was trying to figure out how to talk to my mama. My step dad (Ostoja) had a stroke again while mama was in Slovenia visiting my younger sister and I just wanted to know that everything was ok. I felt like I couldn't do that. I ended up just giving up on trying to figure out my laptop and put skype on my phone. I finally got to talk to my mama a few days ago. I learned the hard way to just put my faith in God for the blessing of having her in my life.

God started showing me his love this week through the stress in life. Our sweet little one has been sick this week. I took him to HCMC clinic twice but they didn't know what was causing his infected looking eyes so they gave me prescription for him. Now as I think about it teething was most likely the culprit. So it's been a stressful week at home trying to talk to my mama and dealing with sick child. But meeting with friends and being able to drive a spiritual daughter to camp was the break that I needed. I started to see that everything I've been jealous about God was answering through the stressful parts of life. He is always faithful even if faithful feels like forever!

We were with my in-laws this weekend and it was really a beautiful time! Great grandpa finally got to meet his boy! We got to see both mom and dad and spend time with each family. As I sat with my family I felt God's love answer the hurt I've felt of not having a family. This is my family and I love them so much! My favorite people to be around are those that love our son! There's no doubt in my mind that God gave me the right crew! So love took over and jealousy no longer has to be present. I'm sure I'll feel jealousy rise up at times but it's not an emotion I need to feel when I see how blessed I am. I wonder what Saul's life could have looked like if God and he had that conversation.

Last night us 3 stayed at a hotel! It was nice to just unwind from a busy weekend and watch A.D. on t.v. instead of wait for Monday. Nathan was really fussy over tired and teething so it was really hard on us both. Jesus spoke to me about focusing on loving his children during the night. I've been praying for him to show me how he handles stress and he told me this was another way. As I was reading Matthew I saw that the miracles he performed were his greatest work because they showed he loved his children. Every healing miracle he performed he did because it was the best for the person and he loved them more then to keep them in their condition. As I write this I'm thinking about those that are living with constant suffering with their health and bodies and I hope and pray you don't feel upset about your life in any way the resurrection changes everything!! Maybe not on this side of eternity but you will be healed your needs will be met!

So I started out not wanting to do this study after day two and in fact I avoided it for days. What I saw and learned about how Jesus handles stress has changed the way I see his miracles. And him showing me how blessed I am changed my attitude towards my husband and family. I found a new love for them as I am grasping that they are God's blessing to my life! Instead of wanting my family (mama) who I still do want in my life of course, I accept the one that is right in front of me and has been for all along this journey I've been on. They took me in when I had no one else I'm forever grateful to the Putney and Dulian family! It's an honor to be a part of a great family line! We'll have our differences at times (what family doesn't?) but I love you all so much words don't even begin to reveal the gratitude I have in my heart for you all! Thank you for being a wonderful family for our precious son! It's another reason I love you all so much!

It's been a challenging painful but ended up being a beautiful week! I'm looking forward to next week not as excited with week one as this is not an easy journey but I am anticipating what my heart will look like at the end of this journey!

Love you with all my heart!
Tina Martina Putney