Seeing the old me

Before I say anything I want to be clear, I am not passing judgement on this mom. I do not know her situation, I don't even know her name all I know is she is the old me.

I took my son to our favorite coffee shop today for some much needed little people time and out of the house time for mama. As the time during our visit progressed I saw a familiar scene. A mom was trying to get her toddler, who didn't look much older than Nathan, to leave. As toddlers do, this little girl was having none of it! Mom was getting super frustrated and slipping into "reactive mom" quickly. All the while, the little girl was just happy as can be, running around the playroom and not following her mom's stern, "Get over here now!"

My heart broke for both the mom and the little girl. Seeing a dynamic like that at such a young age leads me to think about school age, and teenage years, into adulthood. You see, this was the parent I was. I thought my child was just supposed to listen and obey. Children aren't robots they're not designed to just follow our every command. They are so beautifully and wonderfully made. They have such amazing imaginations, kind compassionate hearts, eyes of wonder and awe that you just simply can't help but get lost in!

There will always be days that are harder then others around here yet my biggest and sincere hope for my sons is that they realize that mom is safe and can stay in control. As I say in prayer at times I didn't start well but I want to end well. When my children leave my home I pray that I equipped them for all I humanly could have equipped them for. I know that anything above that is not in my control and know that God will take care of the rest!

For this mom I hope and pray she has support helping her regulate her emotions and for this little girl I pray she is hearing messages of love, grace and encouragement of her character rather then attacks of it. Today was a good day! My son listened really well to me and didn't cause a big stink when we had to leave, or a friend took his toy, even when the poor guy hit his lip on the bench causing it to bleed! Another reason though and for me the best reason was my son kept coming back to me!

If you have been around my son long enough you know he loves to explore! He loves to run and his imagination is something that keeps a lot of joy in this house. He also likes to "check-in" often times you'll hear him calling daddy or me if I am not around, he'll come and show us his toys. My absolute favorite time is when he invites us into his world. We've done some pretty silly things to be in our son's world, but I find it such a fun place to be!

As we are about to welcome our second precious son into our family I pray this doesn't change! We've done a lot of work to get to this point as a family so from real life experience I can confidently say that it does happen! I love seeing my son be able to go out and come back in. I want you to have the tool that I had shown to me almost two years ago! It's called the circle of security and at any point our children are on one part of this circle. Again today was a good day! I believe my son was showing me that he has getting his needs met by exploring and then coming back in when he wanted to be close. It's a beautiful picture of the love we share with our Father God.

He allows us to fail miserably and doesn't say I told you so, just brushes us off and sends us out again. He waits ever so patiently for the moment we come back in! It's like he is this proud parent watching us take our first steps and then something scares us and we run back in. I want to be this for my boys! I want to be home base. I want them to freely explore their world and when they need extra love or assurance I want them to know I am right there to catch them. I won't always be able to be there but in the moments we get to share together while they are young I don't plan on missing an opportunity to.

I'm giving you permission that if you see me struggling to stay calm to look me right in the eyes and tell this mom her three favorite words, "You Got This" Bet you thought it was I love you huh? You got this, so simple but so profound and so necessary to hear. When we have a screaming toddler, cranky baby to grab and it's just us dealing with it all believe me we don't believe we got this. If you were to look at us and tell us you got this I bet that's all we'd need to be able to think of a game plan. It's when we don't feel we go this we give up trying to be stronger wiser kinder. This is my mission to look at a mom I see struggling and tell her the words that every mother needs to hear "You Got This."

Next time you see this all to familiar scene screaming toddler, or complacent school age kid, crabby baby one single mama trying to manage it all I hope you will join me in telling her "You Got This." Think of it as an random act of kindness that will speak volumes to any mama's heart!

So for any mama's reading this right now let me start YOU GOT THIS! I'm so proud of you for all you do to make your children be the beautiful people they are! They may not show you for a while or maybe even ever and you are a big reason that they are the person they are today. Give yourself ample amounts of grace on those hard days and know they will bounce back and so will you. You will try harder the next day and the day after that because mamas don't quit! And most importantly they need you so once more mama YOU GOT THIS!

I love you with all my heart
Tina Martina Putney

circle of security